greenmangostudio

This actually happened over a year ago, but I can look back on it now and laugh since I just defended my PhD today About 4.5 years into my PhD, I was working on a journal paper. I gathered all the data, wrote the code, did all the simulations, plotted the graphs, almost finished writing the paper. The lab's IT said they had to take my PC and perform some security upgrades, and so they had to take my PC and wipe it first. They would need a few days to back everything up and wipe, and then put all the files back. I told them I had an urgent submission to make, I'll make the backup, just wipe and send to me quickly. So I copied all the files to dropbox, and saw the green tick mark that says the backup is done, and then I give it to them. ​ The FU is realized right after that. ​ Dropbox sometimes gives a green tick mark, and then it turns blue and backs it up. I just saw the tick mark, and in my impatience, just gave it to them without letting the actual backup happen. On...

This was a few years ago I was at a girl's house I had only been seeing for a couple of weeks, and we were getting ready for bed. Her room was a little dirty (mostly dirty clothes) so we were picking up before we got in bed. I had a hamper in one hand, and was tossing the clothes on the floor into it. I came across some socks on her bedside table on the opposite side that she sleeps on. Not sure if they are dirty because of where they were sitting, I gave them a sniff to see if they had been worn. She comes out of the bathroom attached to her bedroom as I'm smelling them, and I look up after tossing them into the hamper to her with a horrified look in her eyes. I didn't realize at first, and asked her what was wrong. She asked if I was sniffing her socks, and it hit me. I tried to explain that is was reflexive because I am prettily sloppy with my laundry so I smell my socks to see if they're clean. We get into bed and she was less than affectionate. She broke up wit...

This didn’t happen today, but a few weekends ago. My wife was spending the day at her sister’s new house to help her paint, and since her sister lives about 5 hours away, she was staying the night on a Saturday and coming back Sunday. Our kids also happened to be going to my parents’ that weekend from Friday evening to Sunday, so as a result, I was going to have 24 hours home alone for the first time in about 7 years. When my wife asked what I was going to do with my time alone I jokingly replaced “I don’t know, probably just get high and jerk off, maybe mow the lawn.” So she leaves Saturday morning and after the obligatory masturbation session I decide to play some video games for a bit and then get a little high. I take edibles a couple nights a week and am kind of a lightweight. Usually half a gummy or 5 mg will do it and I’m feeling good until I go to bed. Since I’m alone and have a whole day to myself I decide to live a little and take 60 mg. After a couple of hours of Red Dead...

This isn't a super long fuckup but it's still worth posting, I think. I play D&D online with a group of friends every Thursday evening. Because of my girlfriend's work schedule, I usually have to run to pick her up about 2/3rds of the way through the game session and bring her home. While I do so, I normally switch to Discord on my phone and listen in on the session (and occasionally contribute verbally) while I drive. The DM takes care of any dice rolls I have to make. Anyway, since it's usually late by this point we will stop at a drive thru quickly on the way home. Last night I had just gotten done speaking to an NPC as my turn came up in the drive thru line, so as the DM (in character as the butler NPC) asks "Is there anything else you need?" I turned the volume down to give my order to the McDonald's worker. "Yeah, I'd like a triple cheeseburger, medium fries and a mocha frappe." I hear the group bursting into laughter, but wasn...

Hello ! A little backstory about me and my family. I'm 23 year old, male and come form a slavic county. I'm unnaturally tall and skinny, kind of like slenderman My family consist of my dad, my mom, my sister and my brother. My brother doesn't even give a fuck about me and my sister is supportive. However my parents are extremely homophobic and even slightly racist. Alright, so even from a young age i have always known im am sexually attracted to both females and males, but i never got to explore the latter attraction due to obvious complications I come from a poor slavic county where the concept of LGBTQ+ is kind of new and not very well received. I lived there for 18 years, until i graduated 12th grade and got the chance to go to study abroad, which i gladly took ! First i was off to Germany where I found a gal, but it was nothing serious and thus i moved on, going to Spain for a 2 years working my ass off to even survive, however I did not like it there and moved to ...

TIFU Locked in chicken coop currently So just like the title says I fucked up and locked myself in the chicken coop at home. It wouldn’t be so bad if someone was home but everyone else is at work about 30 minutes away and it’s currently raining and muddy everywhere. How I did it. There is a bored in front of the coop door to keep it shut when its really windy or the bigger birds try to get in (this is the baby chicken coop). Well I walked in to move there food to a spot that rain wouldn’t get it and when I went to walk out the board had fallen under the handle of the door vs being in a place that would allow the board to be pushed aside when the door is open. It wouldn’t be so bad and I could have gotten out still by hitting the door harder if the ground wasn’t mud allowing the board to sink in when I try to push the door. Currently waiting for someone to decide to get home now and getting soaked in the process. TL;DR: So summary, if your using an outside source to help secure coo...

This was over a year ago but it still haunts me sometimes... So, I went on this super cool date with a girl I had met recently. We went hiking 2 miles to the top of a mountain and sat on the edge of a cliff where you could see the ocean way off in the distance. It was the perfect place, we sat there for an hour despite it being over 100° F, we kissed while we watched the view and just joked around while talking about things. Eventually we hiked back down where we were yelled at by someone because, unbeknownst to us, we were on private property. This just made the date even better as we complained about the person for the entire 2 mile hike to the bottom. Once we hit the bottom, we followed the hiking trails for a while where we setup picnic and I played guitar (yes I brought an acoustic and hiked with it) while eating lots of food. After that, we began to pack up the picnic, but not before she gave me the longest hug ever. I'm not very used to such long hugs since I'm a pre...

I had a major surgery last year, and this led to complications that required surgery again this year. The second surgery left me with an open wound that required a wound vac and visits from a home care nurse 3-4 times a week. The nurse calls me up and we arrange for her first visit a couple days after my discharge from the hospital. I have to say that the nurse and I didn't start off very well. She was very cold and formal, and this clashed with my jovial nature. Couple that with the fact that I have to expose my junk to access the wound site and you have a recipe for maximum awkwardness. This awkwardness persisted for the weeks and months where she would visit, with the only breaks being the times she was off and a more fun and personable nurse would take her place. I got to the point where I dreaded seeing her. After what seemed like forever, I finally got a release from home care with one more visit and the approval from my surgeon to resume sexual activity. YES!! I was so e...

Inspired by a story I read here this morning, about the guy being caught with his partner's friend's underwear, brought back a memory of one of the most cringy moments of my life. My gf had her friend stay over for the night. In the morning, they went out for breakfast, naturally, as with any opportunity for being in bed and having the house to myself, I rubbed one out. Then, chucked the used tissue from my bed, into the bin and went back to sleep. A pretty dreamy morning really. My gf comes back with her friend, and I get woken up by her coming into the room to grab her friends jumper which was on the floor. Next to the bin... As she leaves the room, I have a moment of panic and as I go over the bin and my fears are confirmed, the tissue didn't go in the bin as I'd thought. I run out, half naked, and say "I think I..." and then my gf, in front of her friend, peels off a cum soaked tissue that's basically caked onto the jumper. Its all immediately ob...

Soo... I had the 'rona hairstyle that badly needed a trim and decided to go with an older hairstyle of mine that was easy enough for my smooth brain to handle. Well after a lot of searching through my pics, the only image that captured the hairstyles elegance was a group photo of me and some friends. In the image, I'm crouching on a staircase, my shorts a little too tight, my stance a little too low, my legs a little to spread, and my you-know-what a little too in-yo-face. I am not a wealthy man, but the way the shorts bunched up and I suppose the light hitting me made my junk all too apparent through my shorts. Not to mention my friends and I posing in what now seems to be a perfect fibonacci spiral that ends on my man pile. So I did what any normal person would do. I took the photo into an editor and color corrected the monstrosity to blend in with the rest of my pants. It was a relatively easy fix, went in an hour later and got a perfectly pleasant haircut derived from t...

I love upcycling so when my friend swapped his new car's front seats for buckets seats I asked if I could turn the old front seats into a sofa. He was totally onboard with that so I turned them into a sofa, I took extra care not to damage the seats as I knew he would need them back when it came time to sell the car. Time passes and eventually my GF and I decide to move in together, we need to sell off most of our furniture as our new place was fully-furnished. Everything had to go either by selling or by donating to charity like the bed, the table and chairs, the sofa that your friend is going to need one day to sell his car...uh oh! Bang on cue, a day after I sold the sofa for a pretty penny my friend rings me asking for his seats back as he's bought a new car and needs to sell the old one so he can re-coop some of his money. I literally said down the phone "I've just f**k up big time!" so I had to go about tracking down the guy I sold the sofa to and beg him ...

So this is more of a year long FU but I only had the realisation today. Burner account for reasons which will become obvious. For the last year I've had this small circulqr patch of dry skin on my leg. Didn't think anything of it. I wasn't very good at diligent moisturiser use, so I assumed it was dry skin. A few months went by and this small dark brown spot was joined by a few more. Again, I thought it was weird but maybe me going patchy brown from the sun. This is where I should add to my shame and point out I'm a doctor. Did a brief mental run through of what it could be, but it wasn't a red circle, it just a brown dry sheened patch. With a small dot in the middle. This continued for at least a year. And on deciding this was ridiculous I began religiously moisturising. But the little dry suckers never changed. By this point, im starting to see random ones on my knee. One day last week I had 3 different patients in hospital I prescribed tinea treatment for. ...

I'm currently pregnant and I had joined a labour and birth course at the weekend where the midwife went through what you should pack in your hospital bag. On my list included "spritz for your bitz" (Google it) and all other new mum essentials. I bumped someone's car today so I wrote them a note and it turns out on the back of my note was my hospital bag list 🙈 I did not realise this until I had left the note. The girl who owned the car was really nice and I said to her I'm sorry I didn't realise I wrote on that and she said don't worry there's other girls who have kids and it was bringing it all back for them. The girl was a dentist and worked at the local dentist and her manager had seen the note. So all the dentist's have been critiquing my list and it was the local dentist that I was gonna register at so won't be going there now. I don't even have the courage to ask for my list back either ! Lol Ps The damage to their car wasn'...

TIFU by trying to do the right thing at home So I’ve been recovering from an emergency surgical operation I needed to get called an Orchiopexy. This was done in order to correct torsion... ya know.. testicular torsion... yikes I’m really sorry if you even know what that is. And if you don’t, DO NOT google it. But this is relevant because walking has been extremely difficult, let alone bending down to clean up an entire mess. My sleep schedule has been all sorts of messed up from this surgery and recovering and what not. I was up late (still awake btw) at 2:00am and wanted a snack. I opened the refrigerator and noticed my mom had left her salad container open. I had thought “Aw, her salad is going to get all fucked up and gross over night if it stays that way”. Since the salad was a little deep into the refrigerator I had to reach for it. I’m kinda a small dude and don’t have that much of a wingspan, so I did have to give it some effort to actually grab it, with the limited mobility ...

TLDR: I spent the last four months working as a ground floor software developer for a start up that just got funding only to get an offer for minimum wage. Obligatory this technically didn't happen today but was the result of months of fuck ups. So last summer during the height of the pandemic I was lucky enough to get an internship at a start up so early in it's life that I was the first person paid, the first person not related to the founder, and while an intern I dictated the language most of the back-end was written in. It wasn't the best paying internship at $20/hr but I was thankful to have anything since we were in a pandemic and most internship programs were cancelled. I got the job in large part because the ceo was friends with my dad and many other family friends. So we all thought he was a really trustworthy person and he was a nice guy to work for. I finished the internship after a couple months of daily meeting (I mention the meeting to stress that I'v...

The FU had been going on for some time, but I only realised it just yesterday.   In the last couple of months, I've developed a habit of drinking at least one pot of tea every day. It started with plain green tea, chamomile tea, then black tea and lemon verbena. I've always enjoyed tea, but never consumed that much/so often.   About two weeks ago, I found a small tin in my parents' tea cabinet. It contained a maroon dry herb that had a light cardamom scent. "Interesting", I thought and prepared my teapot. The result was a tea with a beautiful deep red colour and a peppery taste. I liked it. Made some for my mother and she enjoyed it too. I asked her where she bought it from but she couldn't remember.   So for the last two weeks, I've been brewing the same herb every day (with the exception of a few times I made chamomile tea) and drinking this spicy hot beverage until yesterday, when I finally ran out of it. As I was washing the tin container, my si...

So my kink is jacking off with my wife's used undies on my face so be bothered by this story whatever. well I grabbed a pair of some undies that were left on the floor of the floor in the bathroom under a towel and I picked em up and said ahh shit why not I have a quick second. Quickly pee run over to my bed and start to go to town. I put them over my face and into my mouth about 2 minutes in my door kicks open it was my 3 year old son with my wife right behind him I quickly try to shield myself with a tempur pedic pillow sitting next to me so he doesn't see and my wife says "damn again dude we have to go hurry up" but not Before double taking at the panties I threw to right of me and quickly realizes those aren't her panties but her friends who is currently staying with us. She says what the hell is wrong with me and I explained to her I would obviously not grab your friends panties willing knowing that info. So she tells me to finish up so we can go or else we...

So basically I have been interested in Reddit bots for a while bc I thought they could do lots of useful things. Today I wanted to start making my own bot. My coding skills are relatively good, I'm familiar with a few languages, but not that much with Python, which I used to make it. That's why I started with a simple bot, which I wanted to evolve later: one which would go through all the new posts in a certain subreddit and comment different things, such as 'amazing meme', 'great meme', 'you should be proud of your meme' etc. The idea was to test out what I've done and, maybe, make people feel a little better (especially bc in the past there were similar bots which were, at least in my opinion, quite appreciated). Everything might seem alright upon here. I finished the bot in the morning and I started it. At first, it looked like people were appreciating the positive feedback. However, my timing couldn't be worse. As you might know, sadly Juan...

Obligatory this didn’t happen today but rather a couple days ago Apologies for typos I’m typing this on mobile For context, around 6:00 am on a Monday there was a burglary or a hostage situation (I can’t remember which) at generic gas station A. At the peak of this incident, there was a helicopter, 2 snipers and around 12 or so police officers. Surprisingly enough they didn’t bother putting the surrounding schools in lockdown because it was resolved fairly quickly Now to the beginning of the story Before I went to school that morning, I decided to go for a quick walk down to generic gas station A to grab a quick drink and some snacks. Now because of unfortunate timing I forgot to use the restroom before I left my house and had to walk all the way over while holding the urge to release all of gods fury into a toilet. So I finally get to generic gas station A and I get my usual items and go up to pay. Here is where the fuck up begins Because of the unfortunate timing from earlier ...

Rewind 24 years, when I was 5 years old. I loved helping my mom in the kitchen and she suggested I clean my own dishes. I had this bad habit of literally licking my plate clean after eating. So, after a delicious (and spicy) Indian meal, I licked the plate to the point where there was no more curry. Looked clean to me..no stains anywhere! I was pretty proud of myself and proceeded to put the licked-clean-plate in the cupboard with all the other clean plates. ALL DONE! Told my mom I cleaned my plate and she was SO proud of me! I got an extra scoop of ice cream that night! I did this for months until I got lazy of “doing the dishes.” My whole family was eating out of my licked dishes and never noticed. Anyways, my parents never found out about my “cleaning” and I think I’ll keep it this way. My mom still looks upon those memories fondly...”remember when you were excited to do your dishes when you were younger?” TL;DR: For several months, I “cleaned the dishes” by licking my plates c...

This actually happened today, about an hour ago. My house has a dining room that we don't use very often. Unless we're having a larger get together or a special holiday, we just eat at the kitchen table. We have a toddler in diapers, so we have a couple diaper pails: one in his bedroom that we empty daily - and the other we never use anymore so it made its way into the corner of the dining room and has since been totally forgotten about. Today I was coming into the dining room to store some bulk food items when an offensive odor hit my nostrils. "What is that?!" I thought to myself, as I was questioning if maybe the dog had shit somewhere. As I was looking around for a dog turd, it was like I was playing the "hot & cold" game. Sometimes I felt as though I was getting closer to the foul stench, other times it seemed as though I was getting further away. Closer, closer,....BAM. Literally face to face with the long-since-forgotten diaper garbage. ...

This actually happened last night, context I just recently got my own place and my girlfriend occasionally spends the night with me, she normally comes over right after she gets off work at 8 PM but last night she text me saying that she was going to be staying late at work and probably won’t get home until around midnight, I said okay and I that I’d probably be in bed by the time she got there. Well I go to bed because I work early in the morning, I go into a very deep sleep which is something rare for me because I have trouble sleeping due you anxiety that something can happen while I am asleep. Well, in the middle the night I am woken up by someone covering my face and aggressively getting on top of me, I freak out and instinct and adrenaline kick in I start fighting back, I punch them, whoever it was on top of me, square in the face, I heard them hit the ground followed by a cry of pain, I immediately recognized the cry as my girlfriend. I go to help her, she now had a bloody nose...

So, this isn’t that f***ed and happened a week ago and I’m not to embarrassed I just feel bad about the situation. Anyways, the day was 4/20 (blaze it) which is fitting because that’s the day I am getting my wisdom teeth removed and I’m going to get heavy sedated. (Lucky me) I walk to the dentist because I work in the clinic that’s connected to it, and I get all set up. I’m waiting for my turn of the surgery which was supposed to be 09:30 but stuff happens so I wait till like 10:20 to get called back. In the back room where I’m going to get the surgery is the team of dental assistance (1 F and 1 M) and my dentist (M). Well the one female dental assistant is important in this story. I’m in the chair getting doped up and it’s slowly do it’s thing, and I’m chilling. Last time I was drugged for surgery I was asking everyone what their favorite music was, this day I was not having none of it. I was quiet and minding my Ps and Qs. Keep in mind I don’t remember any of this I have no clu...

So...hi everyone, I literally found out about this yesterday and it happened to my mother about 2 years ago, I hope this counts for this subreddit. Around 2 years ago, due to severe depression and physical problems I started having some edibles on very rare occasion, when the pain gets severe or the mind, or both. My mother came to visit my husband and I, gay dudes here, and while she was a bit awkward it was all fine. We had to work during her stay so she stayed at the apartment all by herself, I never thought anything weird was up as she never mentioned anything. It is worth noting that the edibles in question were in our bedroom inside a party bag in which I was given the item, it was not left in the kitchen or laying around. Que to yesterday, my mother and I somehow ended up talking about CA and it being a state for both legal and recreational use, and I only mentioned that gummy edibles were my favorite of the bunch as to me they feel better and easier to deal with. She start...

I was a teller at a local bank. Every Christmas we had tiny candy canes to give to the kids of customers. One guy came through with his kid. After his transactions he got some cash back. I was helping him. I proceed to give him his cash in a 100 bill and the candy cane for his kid. He looks at me and says, “Can I have that broken up?” My dumbass then proceeds to bash the candy cane to a pulp with my stapler and give it back to him in a plastic bag. In my mind I'm going "Wooooo Hoooo! I'm helping someone. This is real good customer service!" The dude looked at me in a funny way and said thanks and drove off. I was brushing my teeth a week later, and suddenly it hit me like a truck: The dude wanted the $100 bill broken up, not the candy. TL;DR- Customer told me to give him $100 broken up, I gave him the candy broken up

Backstory: A few weeks ago, I have been working on a free-topic presentation that I would share with my class. I decided I would cover Social Networking sites since they were something I was well-invested into. Since my grade was plummeting, I had to make it an amazing presentation to impress my teacher. So, I grinded my ass off for the next week, finishing it far before the big day. In the meantime, I spent a lot of time online, mainly with my friends. My friends and I have a thing where we look at cursed shit sometimes since it makes us laugh and cringe together. The night before the presentation, we looked at an account on Twitter that posts extremely NSFW videos, like a man sticking his entire head in a woman's... yeah, you get it. We had some fun, then I went to go get some sleep. I wake up, and it's now the big day. I log in to Zoom, and we get straight to the presentations. Since the assignment had high expectations, everyone definitely put a lot of effort into their...

I am currently on a path to self-improvement. I was trimming my armpit hair today and decided to take care of my butt crack hair. Why? Girlfriends in the past have commented on how it's kind of gross. Decided to take a razor there, and let me tell you, it is hard to get the right angle. I was bent over, head between my legs, using one hand to try to spread my cheeks while using the other hand to steer the razor. Needless to say, my butt is bloody and my last pair of good underwear has been ruined. Also, I just farted and it sounds like someone clapping cheeks. My post was not long enough, so I'll take a moment to check in on you all. How are you all doing? I hope you are doing well. I am well enough. I think I may need to stop shaving myself in weird places. No wonder my girlfriend cheated on me. Dang I'm lonely. Haha. Just kidding. Kind of. Sad. TL:DR : I shave my butt, bloody. Sad.

My boyfriend(30), 5 month old puppy and I (25) recently moved in with my father to help him take care of and remodel my childhood house. My dad works as a trucker, so he's only home about twice a week and it's a win-win situation for all of us. Anyways, about 3 months ago my partner brought home a extremely life-like, flesh-colored, ~5inch dildo because he wanted to try it on me. It wasn't something I would've ever went out and bought myself, but he brought it home for us and we both ended up liking it. So after using it the other night, we stashed it behind a shelf in the closet near the floor, thinking nothing of it. Yesterday, both my boyfriend and I worked 12 hour shifts. It was the one day a week my dad would be home and he volunteered to babysit our pup because he adores her. When I came home, I thanked him for watching our girl and asked him if she'd been good. He said that she was, and talked about how much she loves playing "keep away." I respon...

This TIFU happened a few years back and I just told it a co-worker who told me that this story isn't about a caring pharmacist but about a serious concerned man. A bit of backstory: my then-BF (now husband) and me drove in this spa over the weekend. The first night we drank lots of cocktails and wine. One thing led to another and we had drunk sex. The next morning I felt miserable and we found out the condom broke. So, we looked up the closest pharmacy to grab Plan B - thankfully it is prescription free here. I had an really upset stomach and felt/looked horrible. So, we walked to the pharmacy. I asked for Plan B and something for my upset stomach. The pharmacist looked at me - I still remember this look of concern in his eyes. He handed me both packages and said: "Please drive to the hospital and asked if they both are compatible" I just answered that I drank too much and that I need something to stop nausea and the diarrhea. He still looked very concerned and said ag...

It’s still in my post history because I am permanently keeping it as a reminder that I’m a fucking idiot whenever my ego gets out of check. Okay so this morning I posted on Reddit a conversation me and my friends had in which we all unanimously agreed that drinking a gallon of milk in under an hour is 100% possible and is an incredibly easy challenge. My reasoning was that an entire hour is a lot of time, and that if you just slowly and steadily drink the milk while portioning yourself there’s no reason why anybody can’t do it. One of the lesser challenges was doing a half gallon in an hour and I can say from a certain experience with hot sauce a while ago that I was 100% capable of achieving that so I was absolutely confident I could do two. I posted it to Reddit, feeling pretty high and mighty of myself on the “unpopular opinions” board and was immediately provided with multiple comments informing me that I was an idiot and had no idea what I was talking about. These comments from...

Recently I moved out of home and started renting a little place of my own. The place is a little old and the stove is broken but I finally have my own space. With my new found privacy I've developed a new habit of watching porn out loud rather than through headphones. So today I slept in and woke up around 11am, decided to jerk the gherkin and watch some artistic movies to start up the day. So I was just doing my usual routine of scrolling through the dark side of Reddit and find an interesting blowjob video. I start watching it with the volume all the way up and halfway through the video, out of no where, the pornstar yells "IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY TO SUCK A COCK!" To my complete surprise someone down the hallway, in my kitchen, responded with a sheepish "um hello?" I had to check who the hell was in my kitchen so I awkwardly walk out, full of shame. Turns out the landlord sent out a handyman to look at the broken stove and didn't bother to tell me. The...

So to give a bit of context, there was this guy I was friends with it because my parents are friends with his. When we were young we used to go on holidays together, have BBQs at each other houses etc. As we got older though, we drifted apart, we both had different personalities and he was always a quiet and shy kid. There was no bad feelings or anything, in fact there was a sort of indifference towards him. Over the next 5 years or so, I barely saw him, and my mum was always mentioning how much his parents were concerned about him. Never leaving the house, he worked 8 hours a day at home in front of the pc, no friends, no gf/bf (don't know his sexuality). These last 2 years or so, he just got more more introverted is the only way I can describe it. Anyway fast forward to a month and a half ago and we found out the poor guy shot himself in a hotel room. I'm gonn skip the details but suffice to say, most people were shocked and devastated and I was one of them. Most people, m...

So, my manager likes changing people's schedules without telling anyone then writing them up for not showing up on days they were originally scheduled to be off. I had become aware of this practice and took copies of the ever-changing schedule. Well, the company sponsored a vaccination drive due to our facility getting over 100 cases. I had already recieved Moderna #1 and was scheduled to get Moderna #2 but, as usual, my schedule changed. I informed my boss of this and he told me to either get the shot and not come back or cancel my appointment. I got the shot early in the day, became ill at work, and was subsequently fired... While other employees were getting paid to take their vaccinations. I have a meeting with HR about this but I don't really care either way it goes. The bright side is that I have a welding test on Friday for a union company 10 minutes from my house. TL;DR Got told I couldn't get my second vaccination due to unexpected schedule changes and then was f...

Obligatory this didn't happen today, actually happened about 3 weeks ago! Also sorry for formatting! This is not an anti-vax post, but I saw a other vaccine related FU and wanted to share So my boyfriend (20M) and I (21F) got ourselves on a waiting list really early and basically applied to get the shot anywhere that was 45 minutes away or less. Finally, we get a call saying they can get us in together at an elementary school at the actual farthest county we had said we could do. Perfect! Set up the time and then waited for our fateful day. We drove all the way out and were ready to get poked, we even thought we had had good enough food and water that nothing might be problem, save for the small amount of wine I drank several hours beforehand when I forgot we were getting vaccinated. We wait and they take us to a lil table together and ask who wants to go first so my bf does. Then he stands and waits and holds my sweater while I get mine. This is where it gets dicey. I get my sh...

Edit: Thanks everyone for kindness in the comments! It makes me feel a bit better about the situation on my end. I definitely made a mistake by not warning anyone, but at least I don't feel completely at fault anymore. Read this if you feel like you fucked up today, cause you probably didn't fuck up more than me. This happened a few moments ago. I was running the vacuum in my room and my power went out. No big deal, I'll just go to the circuit and flip it back on. Lo and behold the circuit breaker is old and since then the rooms have been switched around, so it's not labeled properly. I know, however, the one side is the downstairs rooms and the other is the upstairs rooms...or so I thought. I'm downstairs, so I flip a few on the one side. My room doesn't come on. I flip a few more. My room surges to life. In hindsight, I should have warned people that I was going to do this. My father, whom I forgot is working from home and is a lawyer, yells down the stair...

This happened last year, but I saw another post that reminded me of this. I was at my girlfriend's dad funeral last year, he did not died of Covid, but I didn't wanted to go to a place full of people but I went it anyway, to support my girlfriend and her family. I never know how to behave in a funeral, I just talk normally to people, talk about life, do jokes, like a normal day. All her family and friends gathered around when a Priest came to do a prayer (it was at least 30 people around her father in a small room). The priest started with a lot of words of comfort and things about the bible, and he asked everyone to pray "Our Father" and "Hail Mary" (I think these are the names in english), but as everyone is praying, he is "throwing" droplets of water at the deceased with a little stick filled with holy water. While he was swaying the stick at my girlfriend's father, the metal tip of the stick broke and ALL of the holy water inside flew t...

Wasn't sure where else to post this. Sorry for the formatting but Im a little disturbed right now and am not really paying attention. Whenever I read about someone in the news who was murdered or the victim of a violent crime, I pretty much always look them up on facebook to put a faces with the story. Today I read a story about a father who murdered and the police had their young son (> 13 yrs old) in custody so naturally I wanted to see what a father who got murdered by their young child looked like. When I entered the name into facebook, lots of results came up with none matching the one I was looking for. One profile that did catch my eye though was a young picture of Lindsay Lohan with their occupation listed as professional model. My first thought was 'Surely no one is dumb enough to believe this photo is actually of the profile owner' so I clicked on it to confirm. Every picture on this person's profile was of a young lindsay lohan. 'Ok, that's weird...

This happened when I was about 13 or 14. I was homeschooled in a pretty sheltered household, so I often missed innuendo that I absolutely should have been old enough to understand. Most of the time I was smart enough to not repeat anything, but every so often, I slipped up. I went on a vacation with my parents and grandparents around the area my dad had grown up. We quickly found a local diner we frequented for breakfast every morning, and they offered a free local newspaper with plenty of cartoons and jokes throughout. We collected a number of these, and I got bored one day and read through them all. One of them contained a joke about how often people lower in the company will often play games like basketball or football, while you always see company executives playing golf- "the higher you are in the company, the smaller your balls!" My innocent little brain saw this as nothing more than a speculation on who prefers what sports. At the end of the vacation, my dad decided...

So this happened years ago but I was up in Boston for the summer visiting my father and staying with him in his condo. At the time I was a smoker and would regularly go out on the balcony to smoke a cigarette. The door to the balcony was a sliding door that when closed completely would be locked from the outside. Anytime I went out there I was careful about closing the door and would close it enough that the smoke wouldn't get in, but leave it just a hair away from the lock clicking. I think you all can see where this story is going. So anyway one night around 12:30 in the morning I decided I wanted to get one last cigarette in for the night so I went out to the balcony. I went to close the door but I accidently closed it just a tad too much and I heard the familiar click of the door locking. I was hit with the immediate realization that I had locked myself out. "No problem" i thought to myself figuring that I'll smoke my cigarette, bang on the door when I was don...

Just happened an hour ago, I'm still trying to process it. So, I went to a local vaccination center to get my first COVID vaccine. It's this big hall, everything organized very professionally, military guards, hundreds of people being processed. I line up, everything easy, short chat with the medical personnel, everything in order, they sit me down, I get the injection, no biggie. Then I am asked to go sit in this common hall with a bunch of other people for observation. I can leave after 10 minutes they say. So I sit down, take my phone, browse Reddit, you know, the usual stuff to kill some time. Then I realize that I am a bit dizzy. Just a little bit, not a big deal, so I brush it off. As time goes on though, I am getting more and more dizzy. I start thinking that I might have an allergic reaction or something. After 10 minutes I am very dizzy and my heart is racing like crazy. So I get the attention of the nearby medical personnel and tell them I don't feel this good...

Happened like 3 hours ago. I used to do a lot of plyometric pushups in the past (like 2 years ago) so after a random bodyweight fitness video got auto-played on my youtube I thought I'd see if I could still do them. Started with just pushing myself off the ground, no problemo. Next, clap pushups, still got the strength to do em. Then I think, hmm, maybe I can do behind the back clap pushups. And boom, faceplant into the floor, which somehow gives me a gash on my chin. Thing's like 7mm deep (quarter of an inch for all my American friends). Bleeding won't stop, most urgent care centers around me are closed because covid somehow makes them shut earlier. Ended up going to the ER, waited 3 hours, and got stitches. TLDR: Attempted a trick pushup thinking I had the strength of my younger self from 2 years ago. Fell on my face and needed stitches.

I was recently reminded of this memory from a similar reddit post about how someone told there entire family that they were gonna go jizz. This happened a few years ago when I was in middle school. I was that one kid who was really sheltered and didn't get any of the dirty jokes that were told. I heard the phrase, "busted a nut" a few times before. I didn't know what it actually meant. I thought it meant that you hit your balls on something really hard. Like you hit your nuts so hard that they exploded. So one day I went to sit down and I sat on my balls. I screamed and my family came running. They asked what happened and I said, "I just busted a nut!" To my whole family. It still haunts me. TL;DR: I didn't know what bust a nut meant so I told my parents that I busted a nut.

This happened in college when I was a walking TIFU. I was invited to pregame at a friends house before going drinking downtown. I (M 21 at the time) recently was back home in the US from Australia for a study abroad program. One of the girls from our group we will call her Amy (F23) txted that her roomate(F23) was single and we might hit it off. I had a sober driver drop me at the house on the other side of the college town and proceeded to play drinking games with some of Amy’s friends and a few other people from our group that were invited. She introduced me to her roomate Meghan and I was floored with how gorgeous she was. “Girl next door” looks and a very pretty smile. I could tell she was a little shy and quiet but opened up more over the next few hours. My friend pulled me aside and told me Meghan was really into me and if I was too I should stay behind with her when everyone left for the bars. At this point I was sniffling slightly and my eyes were getting itchy. I am highly...

TIFU by calling the police on my neighbors Since it’s a nice warm night, I’m hanging out at home with the windows open. Neighbors across the street must be too because I’m hearing their little kid scream every 20-30 seconds for an hour and a half. I can also hear some adults yelling. I’m getting pretty concerned about this situation so I finally call the police (non-emergency number) to see if they will check it out. The police arrive, I hear them pounding on the door, by now it’s after 10pm so they’re waking people up. The neighbors finally answer the door, I can hear parts of the conversation (very quiet neighborhood). I hear the same screaming 2 or 3 times while the police are there. The police leave without dragging anyone out in handcuffs and the neighbors go back into their house so I guess everything is good. After a few minutes, the police call me to let me know everything is ok. Apparently the neighbors have a PARROT that screams whenever they leave it alone in its room. ...

This happened in 2006. I had just bought a Benelli M4, which is a semi automatic 12 gauge shotgun. It's an expensive shotgun and considered high end by many people. My brother is really into firearms so I figured he would like so see it. I called my brother to come over and check it out. I took the gun to the living room. I made sure it was unloaded, cleaned, and oiled while watching tv and waiting for him go arrive. After about 20 minutes I heard knocking on the front door. I excitedly grabbed the gun and went to answer the door. I opened the door expecting to see my brother and show him my new gun. When I opened the door my brother wasn't there, it was a woman who I've never seen before. She just stared at me and didn't say anything for a few seconds. I asked, "Can I help you?" And she responded with, "I'm just going to go." She turned and started to power walk away. I stood there thinking that was weird that she knocked and just left withou...

So there's this girl I like, she always clocks in hours after I clock in. She's been on the job almost as long as I have, but we don't really talk to each other, infact we don't talk at all. Mostly eye contact and all that. Lately I've been getting the vibe of attention from her, so today she clocks in hours ahead, and that's about the time I clock in. I normally have a 30mins to 1hr rest time before I get into my work. She walks up to the seat beside mine, because it's a big hall and you have lots of seats. But then I decide to "Mind my own business", and keep to myself. When fate presented me with a huge smile, I turn it to a lime. Some guy from administration walks up to her and gives her a good conversation and I just feel like such a douchhe bag. The golden opportunity...popped by my inability to coordinate my emotions. TL;DR I had this one golden shot, and I still missed it. What a shame!.

So I have children and we go to the park often. One day while at the park my kids made friends with a girl about their age. Kids are 7-8 and this girl is around 10 or 11. Anyways, we live in a smaller community and I saw her walking home after the bus dropped her off in my neighborhood. I thought, "Hey I didn't know she lived close I'll stop and tell her to swing by whenever she wants to play with the kids". I pull up in my car and roll down my window and said, "hey I didn't know you lived close I live (insert house) down the street come by whenever if you want to play." I failed to even ask her if she knew who I was because she took off like a bolt of lightning running home. I immediately knew my mistake and have never felt more awkward. I also follow a community watch group on facebook and guess what shows up later that night. My encounter with this girl is posted as a possible abduction. I made quick work to inform the parents of my mistake and that...

As is tradition, this TIFU didn’t happen today, it happened approximately three and a half days ago. What’s more, it happened on this very sub! A different OP had put up a TIFU story on how he had ignorantly been using a racist term. They had explained how they had heard this term used when by their family when they were kids, and thought that the term meant wrinkled, when the reality is it was a derogatory name for Asian people. Throughout the thread, various people tried to guess what the word was with varying success, and there were some people, who didn’t have English as their first language, who really had no idea what the word was, so I decided to help out. . I’m a firm believer that racism stems from ignorance, and education is the cure to ignorance. Now, this particular word also has a legitimate, non-racist meaning and use, so I proceeded to state the word, described how it can be used as a non-racist word and a racist word, and gave examples of each usage in the form of a ...