Skip to main content

TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

Post a Comment

TIFU by running while bloated

Y’all it just happened and I’m mortified. Basically right after work, the gym isn’t that crowded and people mind their own business, typical gym stuff. I go to the treadmills and some dudes are getting jacked behind me on some arm machine.

So I start running. I hear laughing — the hysterical kind between two bros that only happens when they both experience so out of pocket they could only laugh and turn it into an inside joke later — so I turn my music up, no biggie. But then some other guy walks to the machine beside me, pretends to use it but I see that he’s looking at my feet. Weird, but no freaking biggie. It should’ve been my first sign.

For context, I’m a really androgynous dude. I thought the guy was staring because idk the boys were out or I was going full helicopter without realizing.

I up my speed and notice that the machine behind me was empty now and the other person on the treadmill next to me looked at me funny. I really thought something must’ve been wrong so I cut my workout short, blast music and run to the locker room. And it’s quiet in that gym, man. Usually the instructors have some popular playlist blasting the sound system, but I got in during dead hours.

When I changed I realized I felt way lighter. I thought my footsteps were loud. This is when I put two and two together. My footsteps weren’t loud as fuck. With every step and breath I was freaking farting. Straight up expelling gas. The other guy wasn’t staring at my feet, he was listening to my fartsteps. My flaturuns. He must’ve wondered how a twink like me broke the sound barrier with every foot fall. I was relishing the burn but everyone else was scrambling to leave the danger zone immediately behind me. And I never even knew, because I had Megan thee Stallion on full volume in my ears to keep me going.

This is a very small gym and I recognize half the gym goers by face. My goddamn instructor follows me on insta. Now I gotta cancel my membership. Expeditiously. I have to be out of here by the next working day. I gotta go on a trip halfway round the world and never return.

I’ll miss this gym, but I cannot be here, man.

TLDR; Ran on the treadmill while feeling gassy. Proceeded to fart with every step.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU by walking into a glass door.

This just happened barely 30 minutes ago. Ended up with a nose bleed and some of the worst nose pain in my life. I can’t even wear glasses without the pressure hurting my nose. So, how did I make the same fuck up a bird would? I put on my sunglasses to leave an appointment and ended up walking nose first into a glass door. Shambling back in shock, I had no damn clue what I had just done. It shocked me so bad that I didn’t comprehend it until I felt liquid drip down my nose. I had turned into the world’s bloodiest leaking faucet. Someone witnessed this in their periphery and asked me if they needed to phone someone. In a panic I basically wailed for them not to, even though I would soon freak out and think I need an ambulance. Someone else came by and ended up giving me paper towels, which quickly looked like I had murdered a mouse with them. My nosebleed soon stopped but not before someone else checked on me. TLDR; fought a glass door and lost. I do not envy the janitorial staff. ...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by asking my boss why his cock got hard on my leg.

***not a fake post. I’m F 32, He was standing over one of my legs while I was sitting in front of him facing him (spinal adjustment) and he spread my knees with his leg, put his hand on my stomach and then there was a ton of sexual tension and I felt his cock grow into my leg and then start to fill with blood and then twitch on my leg. My boss has been leading me on for two years in subtle ways. Lots of waist pinching, close moments, and “were you good while I was away(s)?” Mostly breadcrumbing himself out to me while his wife (who I also work with) became increasingly hostile towards me. He is someone who has been a mentor to me for ten years. The two of them seem to be having marital problems on and off. The other month, while in close proximity, he started to get hard on my leg and moved when he noticed. A while later, I asked for an open conversation on the attraction between us and what to do about it. It has been distressing me and I had reached my limit. I figured since we’ve...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by going through my girlfriend’s old photos

My girlfriend and I have been together for 9 months or so and things have been up and down but I love her a lot and she loves me a lot. We’re both 20 and she’s had a lot more experience sexually than I have and this has always bothered me but besides that we have a pretty good relationship. We’ve talked about our pasts and she’s had some pretty bad experiences that caused her to kind of go off the rails up until we met. She’s all in on me and I’m all in on her and she’s expressed a lot of regret about her past choices and I’ve tried to be as understanding as possible but I’ve always had some insecurity regarding it. Well anyways last night I was on her laptop and saw her photos were linked to it and I stupidly clicked on it and started going through them. Don’t need anyone telling me that it was dumb and an invasion of privacy because I really realize that now and I will never be going through any of her stuff again. Anyways I ended up seeing a lot of shit. Clicked on a folder that...
Post a Comment
Read more