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I (22M) have been dating my girlfriend (27F) for a little over four months. She has a 5-year-old son from a previous relationship. I knew that from the beginning, and I never pretended like it was a problem. I liked her a lot - still do and I figured I’d just take things slow and see how it goes.
For the first few months, we mostly spent time alone. I met her son briefly once, just a quick hello when I dropped her off, but she never pushed me to be involved which I appreciated. She said she wanted to wait and see if the relationship was going somewhere before introducing me more seriously into his life.
Well, last week she brought it up again. She said she thinks we’re getting serious, and she wanted to talk about what kind of role I might want to have in her son’s life, long-term.
I didn’t know how to respond. So I just told her the truth: “I really like you, but I’m not sure I’m ready to take care of a kid — not right now.”
She went quiet. For a few seconds, she just stared at me. And then she got angry. Not loud, not dramatic — just quietly furious. She said: “Then what are we even doing here?”
I tried to explain that I wasn’t saying I’d never be ready, just… that I wasn’t sure, and I didn’t want to pretend I was. I told her I wasn’t trying to hurt her, I just wanted to be honest.
She said something like: “If you date me, you date both of us. That’s the deal. I don’t have time for ‘maybe someday.’ My son deserves someone who’s all in.”
After that, she left.
We haven’t talked since. I texted her the next day and apologized if I handled it badly. I said I respect her and her kid and I didn’t mean to sound selfish. But she didn’t respond.
I get why she’s upset. I didn’t think it would come out like that, but maybe deep down I’m not ready for that responsibility. I just didn’t expect it to end like this.
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TL;DR Told my older girlfriend that I’m not sure I’m ready to help take care of her child. She got really upset and walked out. Now I’m not sure if we’re still together.
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