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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by unleashing invisible biohazards in the car with my mom and getting exposed at her workplace

To start off, my old man passed away a few days ago. Heavy stuff. I’ve been drinking a bit more than I should, and last night I got absolutely wrecked. Like, “how the hell did I get to bed” levels.

Next morning, I woke up with that stomach situation. You know the type. Gurgly. Radioactive. My lower half was basically violating the Geneva Conventions.

My mom and I had a bunch of errands, three hours of driving. I had cramps that made me dizzy. We're talking uranium-level emissions from the anoos. If Iran heard about it, they’d ask for the recipe.

First stop was her workplace to collect some flowers her company sent after my dad’s passing. She works remotely, so this was a full 1.5-hour drive. And guys, I was releasing silent little demons the whole way. Hot, stealthy, and absolutely not road-trip friendly.

By the time we got there, I hit critical mass and said, “I need to go. ASAP.”
My mom, now fully traumatized, replied with, “I’m gonna get you back. Watch.”

So now we’re pulling into the parking lot. I’m sweating. She’s half German and fully channeling some kind of German commander energy. We walk into reception and we’re greeted by an absolute beauty of a woman . Early twenties, glowing, gorgeous.

And then, in front of her, my mom asks,
“Hi, where’s the restroom? My son’s about to detonate.”

Thank you, mum. Appreciate the broadcast.

I legged it to the first available room. Occupied. So I went into the other stall. What happened in there… wasn’t pretty. It had my wiping my naught like it was a sharpie or a marker..

Came out looking like I’d done a full CrossFit session. And what does my dear mom ask me?
“Well? Feel better now?”

Right in front of the woman I fell in love with 2 minutes ago.. Cheers again, mom.

I’m 29. I’m grieving. I’m hungover. And now I’ve unlocked a brand new trauma I didn’t ask for.

But I love you, Dad. I know I inherited this power from you. Rest easy, old man.

tl;dr = Created a hazardous gas chamber during a 1.5-hour drive with my mom. Got exposed in front of a 10/10 receptionist. Still recovering.

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