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TIFU by really REALLY crying in my moms arms today

I'll start this off by saying that, while yes I am a bit of a crybaby, I'm exclusively a sniffler and a lip-trembler, I have never audibly sobbed in front of anyone or anything other than my pillow (over 100 times) and my brother ONCE when I was 13

Now, today I accidentally slammed my finger on the door while I was leaving and my mom called me over to treat it, and while she was treating it, I remembered a previous encounter with my clumsiness which got me into the hospital for a concussion, and while I was dazed and blabbering my brother was taking the best care of me (cuz my gramps didn't make it home yet to take me to the hospital), I was mentioning what happened to my mom and was trying to smile while saying it..

Thing is, my brother is leaving for college in 10 days..

So my train of thought went from: 1- whoops! Another clumsy accident! 2- i remember the last time I had an accident that hurt this much lolz 3- and my brother was there to tend to me till I went to the hospital! 4- the brother that's gonna go to college soon.. 5- the brother.. that I'm gonna see twice a year.. 6- my brothers leaving.

Weird thing is, my mom can tell when I'm having bad trains of thought, like when she brings up school during break and I get really stressed and spiral, getting anxious about grades and expectations and letting everyone down..

She's the first person to poke my cheek and stop me before I reach anything that'll ruin my mood, tell me to try some of her food or ask what I'm craving for a sweet little treat

But this time she didn't stop it, she didn't stop this train, and I don't know why

And my eyes started getting teary, so i quickly grabbed some tissues to stop my tears, because I don't like crying

And she told me "come here, let it out"

And I kept telling her I was fine, and that I don't need to cry

And she said "I know you're thinking about [brothers name], this reminded you of when he was hugging you after you got hurt"

And that made my lip tremble and even more tears started falling, and in maybe three seconds I threw everything off my lap and started sobbing on her lap, I had never cried this hard in my mom, ever. Like I said, i only ever sniffle or whimper at most, I've never sobbed in front of anyone before.

And she's been gloomy the rest of the day, I think i totally ruined the vibe with my stupid ass fucking sobbing, i should have said no, i don't ever wanna cry infront of her again

My mom gets sad seeing me cry, because im the "sunshine" child, im the one that BRINGS the happy feelings (her words), and now im being all emotional about my brother going to college, when i know perfectly well that I'll see him during winter and summer break

TL;DR: TIFU by crying much harder than usual in front of my mom and ruining her mood, and now I feel like i shouldn't cry intensely near her again

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