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TIFU by catching my friend masterbating...

So a friend of mine invited me over to spend the night at his place, and like any two respectable gentlemen sharing a roof, we decided to engage in the ancient ritual of figuring out what the fuck to eat. We were a bit lazy so we settled on pasta, simple, tasty, and quick to make...unfortunately he was all out, so I told him to remind me later to get them once I go out for a smoke. So there I was, washing the dishes left over from lunch like the great houseguest I am, when I heard the front door open and close. Naturally, I assumed my friend had gone out to buy the pasta we needed. After finishing the dishes, and seeing all that running water must've made me want to go for a number 1. I made my way to the bathroom, opened the door, and lo and behold. My dear friend, phone in one hand, mid stroke with the other. I don't know what a normal person should do in this case as this was not included in the friendship training manual. However, I like to believe that I handled ...

TIFU for reading my friend's messages out loud

For context: My good friend (22m) and I met around three years ago, and around 1.5 years ago, he met his girlfriend (23f) through me. Kind of a mutual friend thing. I met my girlfriend (22f) around the same time, so we've done a lot of couple activities together and are generally really close as a quartet. Around two weeks ago, we went out to eat at this pretty nice restaurant in our city to celebrate my friend's recent promotion at his new job. It was a really nice time, and afterward we headed to their apartment for wine and dessert. Everything was super nice, just chilling, listening to music, drinking wine, etc... At one point, my friend headed to the kitchen to start cleaning up the plates and glasses and stuff, as my girlfriend and I had planned on leaving soon. While he was cleaning, his phone started blowing up. He was just getting notification after notification, ding after ding. He could hear it from the kitchen, and quickly asked me who it was that was texting hi...

TIFU by rear-ending a stranger and then telling him to his face it wasn't me

Ich habe mich noch nie in meinem Leben mehr für einen einzigen Satz geschämt Also, ich fahre durch die Stadt und suche einen Parkplatz. Das Auto vor mir entdeckt gleichzeitig mit mir eine Lücke auf der rechten Seite, und wir lenken beide gleichzeitig ein. Nur, dass er gebremst hat. Und ich... sagen wir mal, ich habe mich hauptsächlich gebremst. Sanfter Stoß. Kaum eine Berührung. Aber definitiv eine Berührung. Der Typ steigt aus, geht herum, inspiziert beide Autos sehr sorgfältig, dreht sich dann um und geht direkt auf mein Fenster zu. Mein Gehirn schreit. Ich kurbel das Fenster runter, und bevor er den Mund aufmachen kann, höre ich mich selbst sagen, mit voller Überzeugung: "Ich war's nicht!" Er schaut mich an. Er schaut auf die beiden Autos, die sich immer noch berühren. Er schaut wieder auf mich. Dann, völlig emotionslos: "Ach. Wer war's denn dann?" Und ich hatte nichts. Keine Fortsetzung, keine Erklärung, keine Würde. Also tat ich das Ei...

TIFU by not giving my number to my neighbour

I got two numbers, one number is exclusively for WhatsApp (it's a texting app) and one number is for calling. ( its stupid ik but my WhatsApp number is my dead mother's number and I wanted to keep I didn't want to let it go idk its stupid). My neighbour wanted my books and I stupidly gave my WhatsApp number thinking she would text me for the books and visit me as she is my neighbour. Our fathers are also in contact with each other so I didn't think it would matter that much. She didn't come by and I was surprised. I was also busy with my college so it slipped my mind. Today her sister informed that she tried calling me via WhatsApp number (call doesn't work in this number) and she visited my home as well ( we lock our doors at night and don't open them if someone rings the bell as there are a lot of boys ding dong ditching; we didnt know its her). She just bought those expensive books from the store and I feel so stupid now. She probably thought I was i...

TIFU by telling my family that women lay eggs and almost ruining Thanksgiving

This was a couple of years ago, but with Thanksgiving around the corner, I thought I’d relive it. I (29F) have a running gag with my husband (28M) where I rage bait him for fun. He loves science, so I specifically use scientific inaccuracies to bug him. A long time ago, I jokingly mentioned in passing to him that if you think about it, women lay eggs. Since babies come from fertilized eggs for human women, similar to birds, it’s kind of like women lay eggs too. For clarification, I totally know this isn’t the same case. It was just a joke I made. He really didn’t like that joke lol. Seeing how irritated he got by it just fueled me. So, whenever I feel like shutting him down, I throw that joke back out. Losing a fight? Women lay eggs. He’s got an attitude? Women lay eggs. He’s gloating when he wins a game? Women lay eggs. And it’s been this way for a while. Fast forward to a couple Thanksgivings ago, my entire family went to visit my sister’s family a few hours away. It was a great ...

TIFU by eating 113g of fibre

I’ve been trying to incorporate more fibre into my meals these past few months for health benefits. I bought those wraps that have 17g of fibre per wrap, and have been eating more fruit and veg. Today I was feeling particularly peckish due to a workout and ate a lot. For breakfast, I prepared a bowl of porridge with chia seeds and a whole container of raspberries (28g of fibre) For lunch, I had a chicken wrap with two bell peppers (27g) For a snack, I had a small bowl of pasta with some meat sauce + 2 apples. It was the high fibre pasta so around (17g). Then for dinner, I had no food left so I made myself another wrap with just cheese. I then made myself another one and was still hungry. So then I ate an entire bag of carrots. (41g). Now I am bracing for the worst on the toilet. My stomach is extremely bloated and it’s filled with so much pressure that it hurts to even breathe. I needed to be in bed hours ago but can’t leave my bathroom. If you’re starting fibre, incorporate...