greenmangostudio

So my best friend sleeps with a CPAP machine and since I he told me that I always clown him about it. For those who do not know a cpap pumps air into your face with a tube whilst sleeping so you can breathe better and not snore. He's a mouth breather apparently and wears this absolutely crazy mask over his whole face with a tube going to his machine. Proper Bane vibes. So anyway we shared a hostel room on vacation two days ago and he was getting to bed. After wishing him "goodnight Darth Vader may the force be with you" I had the hilarious idea of letting rip on his machine so he'd be forced to smell it. I mischievously tip toed over to his bed and he was already suspiciously looking at me and I was already laughing but he just lay there like wtf do you want. As soon as I got close enough I whipped around and released one of those long hot swampy squeekers right on the top of the machine. His eyes instantly went wide in terror and he started scrambling to get ...

I've been put on Ozempic because I have PMOS and have developed insulin resistance. I've been taking it for 2 weeks now and I've fallen victim to the constipation side effect, my last bowel movement being 4 days ago. I was feeling bloated and uncomfortable so I gave in and bought laxatives, then took 3 before bed, hoping to clear the blockage when I wake up. I woke up an hour after my alarm was supposed to ring, meaning I had to leave my house ASAP to get to work on time. I didn't think about pooping at all until I was at work and counting the till for opening. I felt like I just had to fart, so I just let it rip. Big mistake. It was not just a fart. It was a mess. I was supposed to be manning the store alone today. I had to put up a sign saying we were closed due to electrical issues and cried into the phone to my roommate as I cleaned myself up and tried to wash off my pants. I waited an hour for her to come and rescue me with a new change of clothing. Then had to...

It had felt like I waited for hours for my prize, there were still so many people in front of me! What if they ran out? Could that happen? And man, I was excited to get mine! I had just done the factory tour. I knew how it was made! How many people can say that? The line was moving up. I was going to get my prize soon! Just a few more minutes. I had prepared myself for this. I had my protection in place. I knew the cost of my prize and I was ready to pay it. The line moved forward. It was almost my turn!! It moved forward again! I diligently studied the specifications. Did I want simple or complex? Should I add materials? What about the packaging? I made my decision after careful reflection. I went classic. You can’t mess up a classic. (Oh if only you knew.) I secured my prize. It looked absolutely glorious. But I wasn’t quite ready yet. I searched everywhere for the proper setting. A prize like this needed to be treated with respect. I was going to savor this. ...

I am at a resort water park and just bought a beer at their in house market. Female cashier asked me a question I'd never been asked before, "are you over 40 or under 40?"....which I don't think had any repercussions on the cost but, who knows? Still not sure why she asked it. I am over 40 but she guessed I was 37. She then asked I guess how old she was...which I know I shouldn't have answered, but she looked mature so I guessed 27 (possibly a number I landed on because she said i was 37, idk). She said she was 21...I was instantly mortified and don't think I ever moved as fast as I did when I left that market. At my advanced 40+ age I know I should know better. It's been about 3 hours since this interaction and I'm just hoping I didn't crush this young lady's self esteem. TLDR: made bad guess at young woman's age, hope I didn't crush her spirit

TIFU but also wouldn’t change anything. I was visiting my sister-in-law and brother for the weekend. Their 8-month-old is in the full-on spit-up stage. Kid explodes all over Jess’s shirt. I grab him so she can clean herself up. I’m in cloth pajama shorts, no underwear. I’ve always been one who goes commando and over time we have gotten really close but nothing ever sexual. After cleaning herself off and while she’s wiping milk off the baby’s feet, her hand brushes up and full-on grabs my dick “OMG sorry!” she blurts. We both kinda giggle because I’m still holding the baby like an idiot. Then I hand him back… and she does it again. Same grip, big smile: “Sorry!” We spent the rest of the day with the family and we kept catching each others eyes. My brother still has no idea. Always wear underwear when visiting family with babies…. Or don’t :) best day ever???? I don’t know how to feel about this but the man brain in me is smiling from cheek to cheek. TL;DR: Nephew puked on SIL...

This happened today and I'm still replaying it like a cringe highlight reel. I've been trying to be less awkward, so I've started rehearsing simple compliments in the car before I walk into places. Small thing, but it helps me not freeze up and blurt something weird. I pulled into a busy grocery store parking lot and noticed someone a few cars over with an amazing haircut: sharp, fresh, clearly intentional. I told myself to be a normal person, say it, and move on. I muttered under my breath, "Okay, just say, 'Your haircut looks really good, have a nice day.'" Then I got cocky and repeated it a little louder to test my tone. What I didn't realize was that my driver-side window was down and a different person was walking right past my car, pushing a cart close enough to hear me. They stopped, looked at me, and I smiled and delivered my rehearsed line like I was in an ad: "Your haircut looks really good." They just stared, then reached...