greenmangostudio

I had just gotten out of the shower and realized that I had forgotten to clean the toilet yesterday. I figured I still wasn't wearing any clothes and it might as well get it cleaned before I got dressed. Cleaning the toilet was fine, and I even made a point of scrubbing the bidet tube that sticks down, but it occurred to me that I never actually managed to clean the part that pops out and sprays water onto me. This bidet has a relatively sensitive twist knob with one direction being clean the nozzle and the other direction being clean the person with a stop in the middle. I figured it would be fine if I turned the knob on just a tiny little bit to get the nozzle to pop out. And that was fine... until I went to turn it off and I turned it the wrong direction. Luckily I didn't turn it too far, but wow that sprayer has some range. I wound up spraying myself, missing the shower curtain (it went I to the shower), and the floor with a little bit of water out of the bidet tube. Gr...

This wasn't today, but I recently remembered it and thought it could be good for a laugh. I had just started dating my now ex-boyfriend, I'll call him Alex. I want to say it was our second or third date. We were at his house watching a movie, and at one point I got thirsty and went to the fridge in the kitchen to get some water. The apartment was laid out like one big room with a wall in the middle to separate the kitchen and living room, with a couple bedrooms and a bathroom at the back. This meant that I could still hear the movie pretty well, so thankfully it wasn't paused and Alex stayed in the living room to watch. The fridge was one of those really small ones that's pretty short, and the drinks were on the bottom shelf, so I knelt down so that I could find a water bottle. I honestly don't really understand what occurred next. I went to stand up, and I must have been standing too close to the fridge. I was young, privileged, and had never encountered a fr...

This disaster involes more emotional turmoil and less missing facial hair than you're probably expecting. Sorry. The love of my life tried hair removal cream on her legs for the first time. It worked really well. She was showing off her smooth legs afterwards, and she was naked so naturally I got a little excited. I love going down her, it literally makes my mouth water, so I got into position and inhaled deeply the way I always do. Bad idea. Apparently the fumes from the cream clung to her skin, and some of it got splashed a little higher up than it should've been when she was trying to rinse it off. So I'm expecting my favorite thing in the world and instead I get a lungful of acrid chemicals. My tongue tastes awful. It's burning my throat. I recoil in horror and croak, without thinking, "Oh it smells!" Yeah, I fucked up. I realize what I've said immediately and add "The cream! The cream, not you!" But it's too late. She's already cry...

This happened on a family vacation, and I can confidently say that I am no longer the family member anyone trusts around alcohol, hot sauce, or basic hygiene. For context, there were 23 people on this vacation. Twenty-three. An entire audience. And unfortunately for me, I gave them a story they'll probably be telling at my funeral. It started when I got my cousin absolutely hammered in front of the entire family. I'm not going to pretend I was innocent here. I thought it was hilarious at the time, and he was definitely not thrilled about being the entertainment for the evening. Naturally, he decided revenge was in order. And because we're apparently a family of people who make terrible decisions, his revenge involved finding the hottest hot sauce he could get his hands on. He convinced me to try some. Now, I'm not completely stupid. I didn't take a giant spoonful like some kind of competitive idiot. I put a tiny dab on my finger. A tiny dab. Then I touched it to...

​So, this happened a few days ago while we were testing a brand-new track we’ve been working on called “End Me”. Fitting name, as it turns out. ​I am an independent musician, and we spent weeks dialling in the mix. Naturally, you want to test how the low-end translates across different setups before a release. Big mistake. Huge mistake...🥲 We fired up the track on a set of studio monitors first. Sounded huge, chests rattling, total banger. Then we wanted to test it on a larger PA/club-style setup.. Within literally ten seconds of dropping the beat, we noticed a weird burning smell. Before we could even dive for the master volume, pop. Speaker one was dead. Voice coil completely fried, membrane shredded🥲🫡 We were baffled. "Must have been an old system," we told ourselves👌 ​So we moved to setup number two—a completely different, high-end system belonging to a buddy. We wanted to double-check if it was just a fluke. Guess what? Pop. Speaker two bites the dust. At t...

Our class group chat is 24 parents and it never stops. Lost water bottles, “does anyone know if there’s school Monday,” a 40-message thread about lice. I muted it in September and felt amazing. Last Saturday I had 91 unread. Somewhere in there, in a reply to a reply to a photo of a cake, the birthday mom said the party was moving from the park to their house because of rain. We showed up at the park, got out in the rain trying to find where everyone was, waiting in the covered pavilion for 15 minutes assuming we were just early. Finally my daughter, holding the gift, asking where everyone was. I finally scrolled back far enough in the WhatApp messages and realized on Friday at 9:47pm, right between “has anyone seen a blue Hydro Flask” and some other inane message that the party had been moved to their house because of "the rain forecast." We made it to the house an hour late, soaked. The birthday mom was lovely about it. My daughter has told her grandma, her teacher, ...