greenmangostudio

So , I basically don’t smoke weed often . It’s like once in a blue moon . I had not smoked it for quite a few months but my friends smoke pretty often . After my exams finished , I was quite free and relaxed so I smoked up a bit . I told my gf about it ,she was a bit upset cuz she doesn’t like me smoking . But then she was like it’s okay. Today she again asked me if I smoked today , I had smoked only two puffs . I knew she would get upset or mad over it , so I said I did not . She then pestered me and told me to swear on my mom . I then told her okay yeah I did smoke two puffs . Now she’s upset and mad at me , also not talking to me . Do you think I am at too much fault for saying a white lie like that ? TL;DR : I lied to my gf about smoking and then when I admitted , she is upset .

Obligatory this happened back in 2010. I was a socially awkward teenager. I had no plug and my botanical knowledge was close to zero. I spotted a plant that had these large, palm-shaped leaves. To my untrained and desperate teenage eyes, it looked exactly like weed I thought I had hit the jackpot. I didn't have to talk to anyone or spend any money. I harvested some of the plant material, went home, and prepared to have my first trip. I managed to roll it up and started smoking it. My Fuck Up It wasn't weed. It was Ricinus communis aka the Castor Bean plant. Castor seeds contain ricin. Ricin is a toxin so potent that a dose the size of a few grains of salt can kill a full grown man. It has no antidote. I only realized what I had done after my parents grilled me on why I had a toxic plant in my room. I spent the next few days in a state of absolute panic, waiting for my organs to fail. But I turned out to be the luckiest idiot on the planet. Ricin is a protein, and prote...

Really yesterday I was looking for something and came across a Fleshlight quick shot (clear and looks like an hole or lips depending on which side) that we’d used before and after I got the snip. I hadn’t used it in about two years, so I took it out to throw away—but then my work computer rang, so I set it down in the kitchen to take the call. Fast forward a couple of hours: my wife comes home from work, then my twins get dropped off by my mother-in-law, and it’s still sitting there. We’re all talking in the kitchen, and I spot it next to the kids’ lunch boxes, behind my mother-in-law’s back while she’s leaning against the counter. Then she and my wife switch spots, and they keep talking for 45 minutes—meanwhile, I’m dying inside. I fully expected my wife to say something last night, but she didn’t. Now I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop, because I’m definitely not bringing it up. TL:DR I left a sex toy out with my MIL over

TL;DR: Was stupid and didn't realize I put my clothes on extra high heat in the dryer. Had to rock skintight skinny jeans all day with tighty whities (only clean pair I had since I procrastinate doing laundry like crazy). I guess the constant wedgies and squishing are punishment for my stupidity. Honestly don’t know who else to blame but myself for this. I’m a scatterbrained guy so I literally put the highest setting on a load with most of my clothes, and my skinny jeans that I was planning to wear today. You can probably already see where this is going, but somehow I didn’t. For context, these jeans were already pushing the limits of what could reasonably be called wearable. They fit, technically, but only in the sense that I could get them on with enough determination and a bit of strategic breathing. Sitting down in them was more of a commitment than a casual action. Still, they looked good, and I had convinced myself that discomfort was just part of the aesthetic. So this m...

Okay so here’s the story, I bought some processed white cheddar from Kraft and decided ”hey you know I really want a piece of cheese.” So what do I do? I get myself a piece of processed cheese. I also had apparently gotten a piece of paper towel stuck loosely on my shirt that eerily resembled the cheese I had JUST eaten, my gf has a very strict diet consisting of anything sweet so the cheese was definitely a stretch but I said to her “hey can you try this little piece of cheese I wanna see if you like it, because it doesn’t taste like the sharp cheddar.” She willingly decided to try what I had to offer. Now here’s where things get glonky, I was currently under the influence of green, and decided to just hand feed her, and right as I stuck it on her tongue she immediately recoiled and I realized I had just fed my gf a piece of paper towel cheese. TL;DR I hand fed my gf paper towel.

ok backstory. about a year ago i wanted to cancel my gym membership. it was that boutique kind where you have to talk to a human. i'm 42. i panicked anyway. she asked why i was canceling. i said "i'm moving to portugal." i'm not moving to portugal. i was between leases for a couple months and the gym was twenty minutes from my new place. but you can't say "it's not convenient anymore" to a 22 year old in a polo shirt who's been trained to "save the relationship." so i said portugal. she gasped. she literally gasped. "oh my god, that's amazing." she ASKED ABOUT THE LIFESTYLE. i made up a beach. she put it in my file. she said "we have a sister gym in lisbon, do you want me to email you a referral?" i said sure because i panicked again. so the email comes. it has a portuguese visa pdf attached. there is a line about "your move." it is signed "boa sorte!" that was eleven months ago. eve...