greenmangostudio

It was the 4th of July, my sister invited me over to her house for some hotdogs. She has 4 kids, 3 boys and 1 girl, the boys are all gamers, hours every day...gaming. I'm helping prepare plates for the lazy boys when my youngest nephew stood up, massaged his lower back and groaned like an old man. He complained about his lower back being sore and that he needed a massage. I'm nearing my 40's so I have that millennial humor that sometimes goes over their heads so I threw some Half-Baked shit at him, 'What you probably need is a backiotomy.' He had no clue what I said, just said 'What?' 'What...you...need...is...a backiotomy, I remember being your age and having lower back issues, doctor said I need a backiotomy'. And that was that, saw the joke go over his head and nothing else was said about it that day. Friday, at the end of the week, I had 2 missed calls from my sister. I call her back and boy, she sounds mad. 'WHAT THE HELL DID YOU...

So I like listening to these guided relaxation audios to help me unwind. Today I told my parents that I needed 40 minutes to listen to a recording, and then went to my room to start. Midway through the recording, the audio stream on my bluetooth headphones switches, and I hear a fake sexy voice whisper “You’ll never see videos like these on a free site”, followed by a standard porno scene opening dialogue. I walk out into the hall still drowsy and a bit confused, and my dad comes out of his office with the big grin of somebody who was just caught in the act. We both realize what had happened and fall on the floor laughing. Anyway, Mom hears us laughing and comes to see what’s going on. I tell her, and the 3 of us can’t stop cracking up. Then I ruin the beautiful and gross little family moment by telling my mom that the girls in the porn video were speaking Spanish. She thought it was funny up until then, but after I told her that, she got very quiet and visibly serious. Oops. T...

This happened This morning but started July 4th. I used to be a major stoner but had to quit for health reasons. It’s been years since I smoked. My uncle recently retired and I found out July 4th he started smoking weed. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to smoke with him so I did that night. It felt like the first time I ever smoked and I immediately went to the store and bought ultimate munchies including half gallon of chocolate milk. When I got home I sat in my car and pigged the fuck out hard but only drank maybe a quarter of the milk and left in my passenger floor board. I decided to go kayaking the next day and after I was done through my towel in the passengers floor board not paying attention to what it was covering. Fast forward to this morning when I go to work I open my car to a horrific rotten butthole smell and think an animal died in my car overnight. I go looking in the passenger seat and lift the towel to find the half gallon of chocolate milk almost completely and li...

Just wanted to see the actual opinion of the community on this, have to find a balance between "why was my post removed i pinky promise its written by a human and not chatgpt" in the mod mail and "AI slop delete!!!!" in the comments. Note that there will 100% be false positives, if you vote very strict dont be surprised if your post is removed View Poll

it’s not exactly today, i hope that’s not against the rules, but i am certainly reaping what i sow today. TMI warning, its gross. a few days ago i decided i was going to make some spinach alfredo. so of course i went to the store, and got some spinach. and throughout the day, i was snacking a bit on it… i don’t know why. i love spinach and somehow i had completely neglected the fact that i forgot to wash the spinach, like the only thing you have to do before preparing the spinach. i put the spinach in the alfredo, had it as usual, and then shat my brains out. i simply thought maybe the alfredo was too rich, it’s understandable. the next morning, yesterday, i wake up about to shit my pants. and i’m like oh great, and my body’s all achy, i must’ve slept on everything wrong. as the day goes on, i snack on the spinach again. it was a lapse of judgment, i suppose in my morning stupor i thought i had washed the spinach, because who doesn’t wash their spinach, right? well, then i spend ...

This happened a week ago. Back in mid 2010s when flash games were all rage, there was this game series called "d0ucheb@g" where you play as vapid protagonists to get hot and popular to land a spot in trashy reality tv shows. It was made to make fun of guidos/guiduettes. The last game, "douchebag chick" had pretty addictive songs and they have been living rent free in my head for weeks now. I work in a lab where almost no one ever comes to visit because everyone else works in different parts of the building and my manager works in a different site. Sometimes my dept head comes to say hi but that's about it. A week ago, I completely forgot that we'd have visiting customers on-site and I was supposed to make the lab look pristine and make myself look super professional. But because I forgot, my lab was super messy with several experiments being run all at the same time. I have no one else to help me so I gotta be resourceful and constantly multi-tasking. ...