greenmangostudio

Okay so here’s the story, I bought some processed white cheddar from Kraft and decided ”hey you know I really want a piece of cheese.” So what do I do? I get myself a piece of processed cheese. I also had apparently gotten a piece of paper towel stuck loosely on my shirt that eerily resembled the cheese I had JUST eaten, my gf has a very strict diet consisting of anything sweet so the cheese was definitely a stretch but I said to her “hey can you try this little piece of cheese I wanna see if you like it, because it doesn’t taste like the sharp cheddar.” She willingly decided to try what I had to offer. Now here’s where things get glonky, I was currently under the influence of green, and decided to just hand feed her, and right as I stuck it on her tongue she immediately recoiled and I realized I had just fed my gf a piece of paper towel cheese. TL;DR I hand fed my gf paper towel.

ok backstory. about a year ago i wanted to cancel my gym membership. it was that boutique kind where you have to talk to a human. i'm 42. i panicked anyway. she asked why i was canceling. i said "i'm moving to portugal." i'm not moving to portugal. i was between leases for a couple months and the gym was twenty minutes from my new place. but you can't say "it's not convenient anymore" to a 22 year old in a polo shirt who's been trained to "save the relationship." so i said portugal. she gasped. she literally gasped. "oh my god, that's amazing." she ASKED ABOUT THE LIFESTYLE. i made up a beach. she put it in my file. she said "we have a sister gym in lisbon, do you want me to email you a referral?" i said sure because i panicked again. so the email comes. it has a portuguese visa pdf attached. there is a line about "your move." it is signed "boa sorte!" that was eleven months ago. eve...

So most of you are probably familiar with Slushy Noobz with Hamzah and Martin. They are a comedy duo that have an ironic and over the top “cringe” style of humor. They often go viral on TikTok and YouTube with millions of views and edits which is how I discovered them. One video of theirs is called “Draw My Life” and during the video Hamzah mentions that he got deported in Canada. Martin then says “okay my dog died 🤨” It’s one of the funniest clips I’ve ever seen and I assumed that everyone has seen it… Well, today in my speech class, we were working on our upcoming speech. I should mention that I am more quiet and reserved when I’m in school. So there is one guy in this class, who I’ll call Benson, who has been seated next to me a few times. We will occasionally have conversation and back and forth and are friendly. Today as one of his friends, who I’ll call Amy, was passing out papers she made a joke saying “you gotta get better handwriting.” He then joked back and said “hey don...

I went to a hardware store yesterday and had a smoke in the parking lot before going in.. I had multiple items to pick up and also wandered and eventually came out after 40 or so mins.. when I came out I saw a fire truck and firemen trying to douse a fire in a curbside mulch which was smoking.. when I was walking to my car I realized it was the same mulch area where I threw my cigarette bud.. I swear I extinguished it like I always have for the past 2 decades .. my mind and body is so habitual to extinguishing a cigarette bud that many times I've burnt my feet when I was smoking bare foot .. but maybe there was a spark left and due to drought conditions in my state the mulch could have been very dry and caught fire.. thankfully someone called the fire station and things were controlled before any minor or major damage TL;DR: Didnt extinguish a cigarette bud properly, caused a fire

This didn’t happen today, but when I was about 18. Some friends and I went to a mutual friend’s place for a little get together. I barely knew the guy (friend of a friend type situation), but whatever. We start drinking, and at some point his roommate pulls out mushrooms. Now, being a genius 18-year-old who had already been drinking, I decided that taking a nice casual 5+ gram cap was a fantastic idea. We go for a walk and at first everything is great. You know, classic stuff—colors look cool, everything feels funny, vibes are high. Then about an hour in, I am GONE. Like my friends’ faces are melting and rearranging themselves kind of gone. We end up outside a gas station, and this is where my brain fully disconnects from reality. I become convinced that life is basically a video game with levels, and if you do something you’re “not supposed to,” you unlock powers. I’m talking flying, time travel, all that. So obviously, the logical next step… I take all my clothes off. Because...

I have been in a terrible headspace for almost 4 decades. I'm finally coming out of it and realizing just how much I've f'ed up my life and relationships with friends and family. I've seriously been in a bad space since at least junior year of highschool. I was working for a shitty company doing a shitty job xand basically blamed everyone but myself. Graduating didn't help cause I stayed in my parents house doing the same job till I was 23. I pushed friends away if they didn't do what I wanted to do I was generally an ass. I was basically working full time and spending all my money on magic cards. At 23 I met my wife then shortly after asking her out I completely fucked up my ankle. She took care of me the entire time and all I did was shit on her. I was constantly angry and I worsened my wife's trauma and anxiety. I was mad at the world and took advantage of everything I possibly could. Never my fault always someone else. I finally snapped back into realit...