greenmangostudio

This actually happened two weeks ago. I had a small operation that required anesthesia and a lot of pain medication. The hospital told me someone needed to pick me up afterward. But I just moved across the country so I decided to lie ans tell them my ride was outside and then just get an Uber home. I dont remember much after the surgery or for most of the rest of the day. The following week, I was supposed to leave the country and was planning to bring my cat which I needed some paperwork from my vet for. So at some point during my post anesthesia blackout, I called them about it. I have absolutely no idea what I said on that phone call but it was bad enough that I got an email telling me they were terminating their relationship with me as a client! Then next thing I remember, I’m BIKING to my vet, which is thankfully only a few blocks away, and like falling all over the place, I think I ran into a street sign lmao Then I’m inside the vet’s office, sobbing and screaming because th...

This happened earlier today and I am still cringing every time I hear my phone buzz. I’ve been having some minor issues with my car lately, so I was on the phone with my mechanic trying to explain a weird noise coming from under the dashboard. He’s a super blunt, quiet guy in his late 50s who does great work but strictly keeps things professional. While I was on the phone with him describing the noise, my dog suddenly tried to bolt out the open front door chasing a bird. In absolute panic mode, I lunged forward to grab the collar, missed, dropped my car registration papers, and yelled into the phone: "NO BABE WAIT STOP!" Dead silence on the other end of the line. I realized immediately what I’d done. My brain had scrambled my panic reaction to the dog with the fact that I was actively talking to someone on the phone, and my default "panicked affectionately at a pet" brain tapped into "babe." Before I could clarify, he cleared his throat and w...

I slept late and wokeup half asleep, I grabbed what I thought was my leftover fried rice and shoved it in the microwave for 90 seconds. Hit start, walked away to brush my teeth. I was lowkey relieved that I'm saving time and won't have to make my lunch from scratch. Suddenly I hear a sound. Rushed back to the kitchen. Came back to sparks. Actual sparks. Inside my microwave. Turns out I'd grabbed my phone off the counter instead of the Tupperware. I've no explanation for this stupidity, trust me. Apart from the fact both were black in colour. This was my first time dealing with a situation like this, and I was surprisingly calm or should I stay still half asleep? All I have now is a $900 paperweight, a smoked microwave and cold fried rice😭 The smell filled my entire apartment, only for my roommate to walk into the kitchen. Quite a start to monday morning. TLDR- Microwaved my phone instead of my leftover rice

Really, I guess the fuck up happened back in April, when I started making plans to go to the Ren Faire. I have the dress I wore 3 years ago, and I figured since I had time I would add some flair to it. I have spent literally *hundreds* of hours since then hand embroidering designs and adding beaded details to this dress. I'm not done by a long shot, but I put *a lot* of work in to it. Today, the belt I ordered to go with the dress came in, so I decided to put the dress on so I could see exactly where the belt would sit and make sure it fits me. But the dress doesn't fit me! I mean, yes, I managed to get into it. I had to almost completely undo the lacing in the front, and after squeezing into it, there's barely enough lace left to tie a bow. And the sleeves are so tight I can't even raise my arms! So now not only did I do so much fucking work for nothing, I also don't have anything to wear to the Faire next month. TLDR: I got fat and didn't realize just ...

Was making dinner last night and realized halfway through that I forgot to buy parmesan. The grocery store is literally across the street, so instead of turning everything off like a normal person I lowered the heat, left the sauce simmering and ran over there. I was gone maybe 10 minutes. Came back to the fire alarm going insane and two of my neighbors standing in the hallway because my apartment was full of smoke. Apparently the sauce had boiled over, hit the burner and started smoking like crazy. Nothing actually caught fire thankfully, but the entire place smelled awful and the building manager had to come up because someone called him. Now I have a nice warning about leaving cooking unattended and I'm probably gonna have to replace the pan. Setting my kitchen on fire over a $5 block of parmesan feels especially stupid. The parmesan wasn't even worth it. TL;DR left a sauce simmering while I ran across the street, came back to smoke alarms, angry neighbors an...

My brother left one of his marijuana vapes at my house about a year ago. I don't usually smoke marijuana, because it makes me think the universe is judging me, but I had a very tiring day yesterday, and I found that vape in my junk drawer when i got home, and one thing led to another... I started watching that episode of Futurama where Bender delivers a package to the robot planet, and it was so effing funny. I ate a banana, and after I ate it, I could actually feel the nutrients seeping into my bloodstream, and the jolt of life I got from those nutrients made the show even funnier. I ate a second banana, and the same thing happened. I was laughing and laughing and laughing. I ended up eating like 6 bananas. I woke up in the middle of the night and I felt like I was going to die. I raced to the bathroom and threw up a huge, disgusting banana log. I can't believe I let myself eat so many bananas. Tl;dr: eating bananas made show funnier, but not good for digestion.