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TIFU by talking out lout to myself in the restroom

Trigger warning to people who don’t like reading about poop

So I’ve been trying to lose a little bit of weight since picking up about 5lbs after starting a new desk job. As anyone else who is trying to get an accurate read on their weight does, I weigh myself right in the morning. Also as anyone else does, I always weigh myself pre and post poop out of curiosity.

So I pooped this morning, weighed myself, and was a bit skeptical. I lost half a pound last week and it feels like I should have lost a bit more by now. It also didn’t feel “complete,” if you know what I mean.

I got to work and decided a cup of black tea is okay for me to have while intermittent fasting. And of course, black tea has caffeine. And we all know what caffeine tends to do.

So I went back to the restroom, which at work has two stalls. I thought I was alone and did my thing. I looked down and said to myself out loud “I knew there was more, that’s at least a half pounder right there!” I flushed and exited the stall to wash my hands.

And then I heard another flush.

A woman exited the other stall and waited behind me to use the sink. I couldn’t bring myself to look up because I knew I would make eye contact in the mirror. I rushed and left without drying my hands.

Now, I’m not even sure who it was that heard me. I’m paranoid any whispering I hear is my coworker telling everyone about my half pound miracle in the restroom. I think I may feign illness and go home early today.

TL;DR: Made a poo. Was heard by who? Exclaimed at the size and have come to rue.

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