TIFU Picking Walnuts.

We begin our tale first with the fickle mistress of context. I am pale as they come, unblemished by the sun as Sméagol, but with prophylactic vitamin D. Also those in the know about walnut picking will already know that it's largely more "walnut picking up" than say yoinking them off the tree, but then those in the know also already know exactly where this is going and are already laughing at me, so let's get the rest of us all up to speed.

Walnuts. Glorious drupes- and yes drupes, the same sort of plant thing as the peach or apricot, or more similarly, the pecan, since what we eat of both of those is the meat inside their pit. Now this begs the question; if they're like peaches, what is their actual fruit like? Well I'm so glad you asked.

In a word? Brown.

In an actual explanation, certainly unfit for consumption. It has a thick green and lumpy outer skin like you bumped the contrast on an unripe avocado, or perhaps simply a lime bumpy, stippled, and dare I say ribbed for her pleasure; the inside flesh is a pale buttery color for exactly half a second after being cut into as like an apple it oxidizes. With gusto. The juices that come out are absolutely laden with Juglone, Plumbagin, and tannins. These are dyes. Orange to dark brown dyes. And because they seep in, then oxidize, or perhaps just because they feel like it, they are wonderful stains, inks, and whatever else you do with dyes.

I, as with many of my fellow nerds on this site (read: all of us) have too many interests and hobbies. Drawing, writing letters, art, fountain pens, tinkering, all of these are relevant in some way to ink, pigments, dyes. My grandma's property has two big black walnut trees. Excellent specimens. So I put on my nitrile gloves for picking up this years earliest fallen drupes. Good ol hospital gloves. We have plenty of boxes, after all, Good to keep my hands clean. So I thought.

Half of a 5 gallon bucket later, I sat down on the basement stairs and got to work with a pocket knife, saving the flesh in one bucket and the nuts in another. Didn't stop until I was done. And off went the now deeply stained gloves. And off then, I saw my deeply stained thumbs. What I thought was my glove sweat was juices, dyes, the walnut stain kept moist and against my skin for the better part of 4 hours, developing into shades everywhere from incumbent US president to frostbite victim.

Is it the first time I've picked walnuts? Certainly not. But next time I decide to cut them or peel of that skin? Yeah. I'm doubling up on the gloves.

TL;DR: Liking nut made me black.

More serious TL;DR: Cutting the skins off of black walnuts left my thumbs stained colors from orange to coffee brown.