TIFU letting two chaos potatoes turn me into their personal property for 5 hours

this happened yesterday and my spine is still sending me legal threats.

i’m an 18yo law student. my life is usually lectures, thick textbooks, and unsuccessfully trying to look like a functional human being. a few weeks ago, i got two rats. one is a chill “don corleone” who looks like he’s seen a few gang wars, and the other is a 1-month-old baby who has the energy of a crackhead on a sugar rush.

i’ve been terrified to introduce them. i spent hours on subreddits and forums. everyone said the same thing: "be careful. they might bite. it could be a bloodbath. beware of the death ball." i was prepared for a goddamn gladiator arena. i had gloves ready. i was in "serious mode."

i set them up on my bed. i’m sitting there in my hoodie, tense as a string, watching for the first sign of a "death roll."

the baby starts doing laps like he’s in the olympics. he’s popcorn-jumping everywhere, sniffing the old guy's butt, basically being a tiny, furry annoying brat. the don just sighs, looks at me like "are you serious with this kid?", and then... it happens.

the baby decides my sleeve is a vip lounge. he crawls in. the don, not wanting to miss out on the warmth, shoves his fat ass in right after him.

they didn’t fight. they didn’t draw blood. they just turned my armpit into a five-star hotel and fell into a deep, twitchy-whiskered sleep.

here is the fuck up. i’m a massive softie. i’m sitting there, paralyzed. i know that if i move even an inch, i’ll ruin the "bonding." if i wake them up, maybe they’ll wake up choosing violence and deciding that peace was never an option. so i stayed.

i stayed for five. straight. hours.

i missed a mandatory seminar on global judicial systems. my professor is going to execute me. my laptop was right in another room, but i couldn't bring myself to stand up. my right leg went from "numb" to "completely dead," and then to "vibrating with the sting of a thousand needles."

but the worst part? the smell. if you have rats, you know. it’s a mix of ammonia, old sweaty socks, and tiny droplets of "i own you" pee. by hour four, i smelled like a dumpster in a pet shop. but they were so damn peaceful, snoring against my ribs, that i just sat there in my own filth and agony.

i finally had to move when my bladder was about to explode. they crawled out of my sleeve and looked at me, offended, like i was the rude one for wanting to use the bathroom.

so yeah. i’m a future lawyer who got held hostage by two rodents that weigh less than my breakfast. my back is ruined, i’m failing my class, and i’m pretty sure i’m now officially a piece of furniture in their kingdom. 10/10, they are adorable little bastards.

tl;dr: tried to facilitate a tense rat introduction, became a human mattress instead. missed my law seminar and smelled like rat pee for 5 hours because i was too much of a coward to wake up two sleeping fluffballs.