greenmangostudio

Well, my first post went over pretty well, so I thought I'd share another horror story, and honestly...I have plenty. But, if you want to check out that first post, here it is...(Highly recommend it cause I go back and forth comparing dates ALOT). TIFU by agreeing to on a double date with my best friend (A shit show) Part 1: This all takes place back in 2021 (A bit after covid settled down so we weren't wearing masks anymore.) So I (F21) was talking to this guy on Bumble (M23 "Dave")...He was the kind of guy that didn't have to try hard to be funny, it just came naturally for him. We talked for a few days on Bumble, then switched to Snap. So thankfully, I actually knew Dave was real and my age. We were kind of both in that stage where, "Oh we're not looking to date, we're just looking for friends." Yeah...mmhmm...Sure... Well, everything is going great. We're talking everyday, having a fun, and finally we decide to meet up. Well, again...

words cannot describe how embarassed and humiliated i am 😭 the story is i was going to take out the trash at 11.40 pm, seems reasonable for most people to be asleep or in their room right? i live in an apartment near a university btw so i just walked out of the room, trash bags in hands, apparently forgot to check whether i was wearing pants because i was too distracted. i walked around the building to the designated trash area, theres a dude sitting there but yk whatever, and then i stood there checking if any of the bags has spilled on the way down. theres nothing so i shrugged and was about to go back in my apartment. the horror persists and so do i apparently. i then walked into the lobby era (which is brightly lit), was about to check on my mailbox when 2 dudes walk in chatting with each other. i dont wanna face anyone so i immediately turn around and go back in my own building. Luckily i didnt see anyone on the way lol when i was back in my room i immediately go into the bat...

I have a 16 week old lab puppy who until recently wasn't too snuggly but loves to play. Think - only wants to be pet for a few moments before trying to push a toy in your hand, or after 30 seconds of crawling in your lap for a cuddle she wants out again. Don't ask me why, but I started doing this thing where I'd be the one to play dead when playing sometimes - like I'd go from kneeling to falling / lying face down on the floor (yeah, weird I know, I'm a single dude and live quite rurally, sometimes you do strange shit ha). Usually, it's cute, she'll walk over my back and paw at me (puppy massage ha), try to lixk my ears, push a toy at me, then I'll pop my head up laughing and I'll tickle her and she'll get excited then roll over for a belly rub. Cute as hell, and encouraged physical touch she initiated. Not today though. Today she was sick of my shit. Within SECONDS she full on bit the back of my neck with her puppy needle teeth, and when I n...

TIFU by giving my husband a jar of Nutella and telling him to put it on his genitals before a blow job. I went to the bathroom to get a hair tie and I come back out to do the deed. He is sitting on the couch with the jar of Nutella beside him smearing the contents on his balls. I kneel to inspect and the sight is horrible. There is Nutella everywhere; on his pubes and his dick and his balls and his thighs. It looked like someone just pooped diarrhea all over his lower half. It looked like straight up shit. I tried to just continue but I was laughing too hard and then I started gagging because the Nutella started mixing with his body heat and that is not a great smell. It was overwhelming. I made it through 3 minutes before pausing to get a paper towel to wipe it off and try again but it was still so sticky and sweet and vile. Finally I just told him I couldn’t do it and threw in the literal towel. TLDR: Gave husband a jar of hazelnut spread to spice up sexy times and the result made ...

Alright, Reddit… this is a story I’ve kept buried for almost 20 years. I don’t know if it’s guilt, embarrassment, or pure trauma, but today’s the day I finally get it off my chest. So I was camping with some friends. We were drinking craft beers the night before — the fancy hipster ones that taste like grapefruit misery but hit like diesel fuel. I woke up the next morning and instantly knew my stomach hated me. Not a “maybe in 30 minutes” kind of situation… I’m talking DEFCON 1. So I start wobbling toward my car to drive to the campground bathrooms. My buddy’s daughter (she was like 7) and their dog were hanging out by the fire. No big deal, right? Wrong. Halfway to my car, the beer gut punched me like a freight train. My body said, “We’re doing this NOW.” I squeezed my cheeks harder than a hydraulic press… but nope. Nature won. I shit myself. Bad. Like running down my legs bad. I’m limping to my car, praying nobody sees me… and then I hear footsteps behind me. I look back and t...

TL;DR TIFU by being too shy to sit on a bench because some members of a sweet Moroccan family were standing up and i sat on the ground looking racist. So basically I went to catch a bus and at the station there was this nice Moroccan family i asked if the bus is at 17:00. They said yes, i thanked them and then the mom told the kids to move a little to give me a space to sit on a bench. I felt bad to sit there because the mom was standing and we had to wait for another 30 minutes for the bus to arrive. I politely said "Oh, no, don't worry" and walked a meter or two to stand there and not invide their space. But there's a problem, i am wearing heels (bad idea if you're going to walk pretty much, i know) so my feet were BURNING. I couldn't keep standing there because I was IN PAIN. But i couldn't go and sit on the bench either because i already declined the offer and it would be awkward. I tried standing on my heels only but it still hurt. So i decided to...

I grew up in a very small town, with nothing but cornfields and a few fast food restaurants. For as far back as I can remember, I wanted to leave that town. The older I got, the more reasons I had to leave. My friends became people I hated, and who hated me. Girlfriends became exes. Soon, the entire town was hell to me. There wasn't a street that didn't have a memory, good or bad, with someone I either didn't like, or no longer spoke to. I joined the military to get away from everything. It was amazing. I was stationed in Texas, far away from my hometown. I met people who thought like me, and the streets didn't carry bad memories anymore. I loved my time in the military. Unfortunately, I was medically discharged, and with nowhere else to go, I went home. Things only got worse from there. I was very upset about moving back home. My mindset at the time guided me down a path of very bad decisions, which stained the town more in my mind. A few months ago, I decided that ...

To start off, I frequently write fanfiction on a well known anti-censorship fanfiction site, and it's on the more on the extreme side of taboo for that site. The fanfiction would qualify as "Darkship (Definition Linked) " if I'd have to put a label on it. But today I was just hanging out with my sister and one of our friends and we were talking, and just throughout the convo I slipped up and mentioned more specifically what I wrote. The friend knew that I wrote some "fucked up shit" but nothing more than that. I slipped up because I'm honestly quite open about the stuff that I write with so many people, so it had completely slipped my mind that they knew nothing more than it being weird and fucked up. Later on after they got home, they'd sent me a message basically telling me that they'd rather not be friends after finding out what I wrote because it goes against my morals. We had a calm and understanding discussion which I am extremely greatf...

So I work from home in a tiny apartment and my favorite thing in the morning is a stupidly loud shower playlist on a bluetooth speaker. Yesterday I had a recurring check in with my team at 9, camera optional, so I figured I’d just join on my laptop muted, start the meeting, then hop in the shower real quick while they went over some boring metrics. I checked twice that I was muted, grabbed my towel, music already playing from my phone. About five minutes in I notice the music sounds kind of weird, like it is echoing, but I ignore it and start belting along to some truly cursed early 2000s pop, adding my own horrible adlibs. When I get out, my phone is full of Teams notifications and one DM from my manager that just says “you are not on mute”. Turns out my phone had decided to connect as an audio source to the meeting, overriding the laptop, so the entire team listened to me doing a private concert plus very unflattering commentary about the project while I thought I was alone. They re...

I marinated the turkey yesterday morning and placed it in a brass tray that has an iron rack so the turkey could rest there inside the tray. The rack is black, but it seems that after washing it over time, the black coating chipped off in some areas. I covered the marinated turkey with aluminum foil. Come this morning, I went to take it out, the aluminum foil had disintegrated on top of the turkey. It oxidized due to the galvanic reaction between the aluminum, brass, and the iron where the now conductive turkey skin was resting on. I had to remove the skin from the top part of the turkey where the aluminum oxide singed to the skin. Worst of all, the salt stayed on the surface of the turkey and not enough of it diffused deep enough. TL;DR: TIFU by cooking a bland turkey due to an unexpected electrochemical reaction that created a battery.

So I (28M) was heading to my cousin’s annual summer BBQ. My cousins are all competitive about the stupidest things, grilling, cornhole, even who can eat the most watermelon. So I wanted to make a good impression. Fast forward, I was running late, rushed out of my apartment, and forgot that the new pair of novelty underwear I had ordered, bright blue with little elephants on them, found them on Alibaba out of curiosity and because I love elephants, was the only clean pair left. I didn’t think it would matter because, you know, no one’s supposed to see them. Halfway through the BBQ, we were playing a particularly aggressive game of tug of war. I go all in, yank too hard, and rip. Loudly. The rip somehow propagated from the crotch straight up to the waistband. My cousins stop, all eyes on me. My stomach drops. There’s a moment of silence, then someone starts laughing. Then another. Everyone. The elephants are now on display. I tried to play it off as a “fashion statement,” but the ima...

I've been selling on eBay for like 6 months now, mostly electronics and vintage stuff I find at thrift stores. Nothing crazy but I've been making decent side money and actually managed to save up a couple hundred bucks which felt pretty good. Anyways I keep all my inventory in these white plastic bags in my car trunk cause I'm too lazy to bring them inside. At the wedding earlier this month I parked kinda far and my aunt needed her phone charger from her car. I offered to grab it since I was heading out anyway to get something from mine. I pop my trunk and there's literally like 15 white plastic bags stuffed with random electronics, cords, old ipods, you name it. I grab what I need and close it. Apparently my uncle saw me and caught a glimpse of me shutting a trunk full of white bags. He tells my other uncle. They tell my mom. By the time I get back inside for dinner theres this weird vibe and people keep giving me looks. Finally my mom pulls me aside all concerned a...

Tw: death My (25F) grandfather (85M) has passed away a few days ago. He has many comorbidities and has been hospitalized for a month for a viral infection and arrhythmia. He refused to do a procedure for his heart condition. He had a cardiac arrest at home so we contacted 911 and I began chest compressions. At some point around 300 compressions the operator asked me to give 2 breaths and i did them but was so grossed out (im BLS certified too) He only survived for one day with endotracheal intubation and passed the next day due to cardiac arrest. I was told he had brain insults due to insufficient oxygen I’m always thinking if only i gave more rescue breaths. I feel so selfish but i feel nauseous every time i think about rescue breath TL;DR: I think i killed my grandpa with improper CPR

So context, since it’s the end of the semester our teacher asked us to send some works that we might’ve not showed her already, I had three missing assignments so I sent two and apparently i was missing four, I sent the last one and I don’t know how, a pdf weed menu file just, somehow, slipped in and I sent it without realizing. 20 minutes later I realized but since it’s an email i couldn’t delete it…. sent a follow up message saying I sent something else and sent the proper one… it’s been an hour and I haven’t gotten a response…. I really really hope she won’t open it since she hates when we send her pdf files (for some reason) and the file name is “octobermenu” so obviously it’s not my assignment…. but she’s really righteous and by the book so I’m a little worried she’s gonna report it since weed isn’t exactly legalized here. TLDR; A menu pdf file with weed prices slipped along with my assignment and I can’t unsend the email + weed isn’t legalized here

Something happened last weekend that really cracked me up, so I figured I’d share it here. A few months ago, I fully quit caffeine. I used to consume anywhere from 300-400mg of it daily. I have quit for extended times before, but this time it feels different. I don’t feel like I need it and I don’t miss it at all. To add on to my straight edge era, I also hardly drink. As someone who spent their late teens and 20s well immersed in drinking culture, these last few years I’ve reached the point where I don’t even partake in the occasional weekend beer or two. I might drink a bit if I really feel like it, but I hardly ever do. On the rare outing I engage in, in place of alcohol, I allow myself a soda of some sort to feel like I’m participating. Since I don’t do the legal meth juice anymore, letting myself have a bit in drinking settings also allows me to be a bit more social. It’s nice! Anyway, now that we have context, let’s move on. Last weekend, my friend had their birthday at a hole...

So yesterday I took about 60 pro plus pills (50mgs a pill) at once, just sat there popping these little pills outtathe packect one by one, not sure why i stopped at 60, was aiming 96 but had popped a couple earlier in the day and had a few energy drinks, figured it must of been enough. Have really fucked up my life recently, and so gotta find a way to end it all. Got really jittery, could not concentrate on anything, had to lay in bed all night in a dark room, couldnt sleep, just staring at the wall and deep in thoughts, shaking, sweating, pissed and shit myself, think the worst thing for me though was the heartburn, constant heartburn. On the come down most of the day today but still the constant heartburn and never ending headache to go with it. Don't do it. Is not fun. TL;DR Took 60 proplus pills, pissed and shat me self. Didn't die.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/s/JGEjdHcwlp Okay so after doing some reading, I'm supposed to take a very fine drip of it on a paintbrush and just lightly swipe the tip on the waist of my jacket and my boots. I shouldn't be gagging from the smell, cause if I'm gagging then to a deer I smell like an orgy with a potency that hits like a freight train. Evidently, all of the rustling I heard in the woods behind the scrub and brush that I couldn't see past were most likely the bucks that I was trying to attract. That probably made all of the bleat and grunt calls I was making really suspicious. I pretty much sabotaged my own hunt by smelling like a deer sex dungeon. Tomorrow I'm going to bring a paintbrush with me and just very carefully dab some onto me. I wear high-top cowboy boots when I hunt to deter snake bites on my lower legs, so there's plenty of room I can paint it on. TL;DR: I got some doe urine because I needed to mask my scent while hunti...

The title says it all. In my country (Switzerland) there are strict laws about recycling, and today I was throwing out organic waste. The thing is the garbage has to be thrown out in annoyingly thin and easily breakable sacs (they are biodegradable). So I usually take out the trash in a bin to avoid the sac breaking. This time there was a lot of trash, meaning it was heavy. I tilted the trash bin so that the trash itself can go into the garbage container, but with the garbage, I ended up throwing the whole bin. Now the container is very deep and I can’t just get the bin out, so I tried hooking it up with the broom. Eventually it worked, so I guess this is over. My clothes and I are very dirty right now, and I still have to clean the whole bin and the broom, I used to pull the bin out. Now my family has another funny story about my epic fail, I guess. Tl;dr - What the title says

Obligatory this didn’t happen today, but it took me a hot minute to put the pieces together. To set the scene, you turn onto the road, it starts flat, go down a hill, there’s a sharp turn and my driveway is at the end of the turn. There was a large SUV behind me, and behind him was the cop. I was driving home one day and turned onto my road. I looked into my rear view and saw red and blue lights, so I pulled over to let him pass. There’s a lot of police activity in my town, and they fly up and down my road all the time. The SUV behind me pulls over, bumper to bumper with me and the cop stops behind him. He starts walking up to the SUV, so in my head I’m like, oh ok. Dude is getting pulled over. So I pull back out and go home. I turn the corner and pull into my driveway. As I’m getting out of my car, I turn around and the cop goes flying past my driveway, lights on and sirens blaring. The SUV then passes slowly behind him. I thought absolutely nothing of it. Leading to now. I had an...

I recently moved to a new place, pretty far from my old neighborhood, because of work. Today I ordered something online and my Uber Eats driver called me, saying he was at my location. But I couldn’t find him, and when I looked outside, he wasn’t there. So I asked him, and he told me he was at my old address. At first, I thought it was some app glitch and planned to reach out to their support team. But they told me that was the address I gave. I was so confident that I couldn’t have made that mistake because just last week I’d successfully ordered to my new place on Uber Eats. Turns out, I accidentally selected my old address and I had been confidently arguing with them about it. Their team was super kind and offered to redirect it to the right address, but I told the driver to go ahead and have the meal I was already way too embarrassed. And now, I realized I also put the wrong address for a TikTok Shop order. I’m not even sure they’ll help since I’m not paying for the order anyway,...

So, a few weeks ago, I went on a road trip. I’m driving on a highway, going the speed limit, and eventually get to a small town where I stop for a meal. That town is a 30-minute drive from where I live. I eat a nice steak and decide to get back on the road. I start driving, and I see blue lights behind me. The officer pulls me over for failing to use my turn signal (oops). He asks me for my driver’s license and registration, and I hand them over. He comes back and tells me, “There’s a warrant for your arrest for not showing up to court.” I’m puzzled and ask him what the warrant is for. He says he doesn’t know and that I have to get out of the car. I get out, he handcuffs me, and takes me to the local jail. I’m not allowed to bond out, as my county (where the warrant is) requires an in-person appearance. I am made to strip naked and change into a jail jumpsuit. They take my mugshot and fingerprints. Since it was a Friday night, I have to spend three nights there. I am held in a cell...

Okay for context my sister has been saving up for a house. Me (I'm pretty young so I'm not living on my own yet) and our dad were supposed to live with her when she bought a place because our mom kicked him out (happened a long time ago, not relevant). The point is he hasn't had anywhere else to live. I was sending my sister a house listing that my dad said looked good and she asked what he thought of the location. So I asked him. He said that it was fine for her but he wouldn't be staying with her so it didn't make a difference to him. Ofc I was like huh? He said he didn't want to stay with her because of her bf (he doesn't like him rn) and that he didn't want to put her in that position. He said he's finding somewhere else to stay. I immediately relayed this response via text and t-minus five seconds later was horrified when it dawned on me that although it didn't hurt my feelings it would definitely hurt hers! Ofc that's going to hurt her...

Obligatory "this happened a week ago" + "posting from mobile" I work in some interesting places and like the common nosleep trope, I have rules to keep alive. One of those rules - Don't pick up things if you don't know what they are. A very good rule for not dying alone in an isolated environment. Living in Australia, there's a lot of things that will end you. Snakes and spiders are the obvious ones, but I've almost never had any real problems with them. It's all the other things that aren't in pop culture that will get you. The subject of this story isn't even isolated to Australia. Last week, while working on a very remote tropical island, I decided to go do some photography in tide pools late at night, about 2km from camp and phone reception. There was a bit of rough swell hitting the beach so I was seeing a few fish washed onto the rocks. With that in mind, I thought I saw a hermit crab wedged upside down in a crevice with anothe...

Now, like a lot of these stories, this Fuck up didn’t happen today or even last week. It took place in July 2022. Now, I’m only 16, but I knew that I was gay pretty early, when I was around 13. In the middle of 2022, I came out to a few close friends, but I was scared to come out to family. Flashback to December 2021, my father coached my little league hockey team. He became close to the parents of one of the families on the team. He encouraged I become close to the son of the family who I’ll call Gru. (I’m not even joking, he looked like young Gru from Minions 2). He was a decent friend for a while, but there were ups and downs. He wouldn’t really ever let me do what I wanted. We always had to play his game or do his thing. I later invited another friend to the group (let’s call him Noah) and he wasn’t good to him either. Gru would take turns antagonizing me and Noah. He actually was able to turn us against each other and convince us he was right. I later stopped inviting Noah and...

Last night, my wife was being a bit silly. We were laying in bed watching videos and talking about the day. She reached over into our special box and grabbed a plug. The kind that has a suction cup. It looks like a unicorn horn. She, without hesitation slapped it to her forehead. Hard. We both laughed. Then I tugged on it. Wow, not coming off. More laughter ensued. I slapped it like you a metal door stopper. Again more laughter. It's still holding tight. She can't breathe because she's laughing so hard. Eventually with some pinching of the base we get it off. It's a little red. Seems fine. Wake up this morning and the yelling from the bathroom has started. "OMG OMG my forehead is bruised!" She had to take the daughter to the pool. The other parent asked why she had a bruise on her forehead. She said she hit a wall. My face still hurts. Probably going to buy her some new foundation. I have a picture but this sub won't let me post it. TL;DR suction cup toy...

This is the freelance gig that covers my rent so I hope my client wont make a big deal out of it.. I rarely have time to search for jobs so I tried out some productivity apps I could use so I could multitask job hunting and freelancing without the hassle. I was using Wispr Flow to forward a file to a client. It was smooth at first I just had to tell "please forward this [file name] to [email name] using my [company] email" Sometimes it worked sometimes it didn't so I had to even double-check and triple-check. I had a work report called Annual Purchase but apparently it decided to auto-suggest my recent Amazon purchase instead. Before I noticed, it already forwarded the email and realized only after the client replied politely but very confused that they had received my Amazon order. I checked the Sent section in mg inbox and well shit. It forwarded my order confirmation for hemorrhoid cream (for eating too much Buldak). No fucking way. Have never felt so embarrassed in ...

This happened a couple weeks ago and I’m pretty much recovered now, but I guess I wanted to share as a warning in case anyone else ever experiences this. So to make a long story very short, I keep water by my bed in a glass in case I get thirsty at night. A brown recluse had fallen in right around the time I woke up and needed a drink. I swallowed the thing and of course immediately realized I had swallowed something and my ONLY assumption was a spider, and I knew we had a few brown recluses in the house so I automatically assumed that’s what it was (I ended up being right in the worst way). Now I knew from past anxiety googling that swallowing a dead spider is nothing to worry about. The venom is protein based and breaks down in the digestive tract. I had assumed that I had swallowed a dead one and just decided to try to go back to sleep after a mini panic attack and more frantic googling. I woke up maybe two hours later with horrible pain in my stomach, muscle aches and HARD spas...

First of all, my heart goes to everyone who died there and who lost their loved one. Even so many years after it still doesn’t feel real. I was not aware how actually bad it was, and part of it is why this whole thing happened. So I was going through Youtube looking for something to watch before going to sleep, and I’ve found MrBallen’s video published on 20th anniversary of 9/11 attack. I’ve never actually watched any interviews with victims, or any deep analysis of such events, but I’ve wanted to learn more because I’m not American and any news here are very terse. Also, I value knowledge and it brings me deeper respect. So MrBallen’s video is the first real reiteration of 9/11 I’ve watched. Even though the video starts with multiple warnings, I still watched. He is an amazing storyteller, it literally felt like I was there. The story was told from perspective of Michael, one of the survivors, and it detailed everything from the day he came to work, until he crawled out of debris ...

So this morning I stopped for coffee before work, still half asleep and running on pure delusion. While I’m waiting for my drink, I notice a woman next to me holding a very small, very bundled up baby. I’m normally great with kids, (I have three myself) so I decide to be friendly. I lean over, smile, and say, “Aww, what a cute little potato!” She stares at me like I’ve just insulted three generations of her family. So I try to clarify. BIG mistake. I go: “No! Not like a bad potato. Like a GOOD potato. A adorable potato. Like… a premium one?” The barista is choking trying not to laugh. The mom is looking at me like I’m describing her child as produce in a USDA inspection. At this point I’m overheating like a laptop in a blanket, so I grab my coffee to flee. Except…it’s not my coffee. It’s HER coffee. She says, “That’s mine,” in the rudest voice I’ve ever heard. I apologize, put it back, and in my panic I try to “lighten the mood.” So I say: “Sorry. I swear I’m not usually this ...

I work in medicine and while I was doing my normal rounds I started chatting with a couple men. One of them was on a G-tube, Cath, bed bound, iv for fluids, and had a tracheotomy. We’re talking and he’s in very high spirits laughing and telling stories with his roommate and me. Thats when it happened. Him: “Man when I’m on my death bead I want people to know I good. You know? I’m not gonna sit here and bitch and moan till I’m dead.” Me before I could think better of it: “You are on your death bead man.” Silence. Internal panic “Welp good bye!” -Ran out of the room. Thankfully he had a good sense of humor but I’m so glad I was only working as a registry and never have to go there again. TL;DR: A patient was laughing with me and I told him he’s gonna die.

I still don’t know wtf happened with the iphone. I’m still combing through google and apple discussion boards to see if others have had the same experience with the reddit app. I am FREAKED OUT that this will happen again. I was in the bathroom in a airline lounge today. After I washed my hand, I answered a question from someone on the reddit app DM. I up-swiped the app to minimize it and right after it minimized, the sound from a nsfw gif I had posted a long time ago started playing on my phone. I opened up the app immediately but it only showed suggested posts from today without any video or gif playing. I checked safari there was nothing. At this point, the moaning sound that was unmistakably mine started to crescendo and my fwb’s groans also started to enter the convo. The very LDS-looking, strait-laced dude washing his hands near me started giving me the judgiest look and I panicked. I ran for the door with my head down, meanwhile holding the action button to silence the phone,...

I had a routine checkup today. Nothing dramatic. At the end, my doctor says, “Any changes in bowel habits?” I panic because I never know what counts as a “change,” so I answer with full chaotic honesty: “Well… sometimes it’s like horse speed, sometimes like sloth speed, and once last week it looked like it was trying to spell a letter.” She stares. I stare. I instantly regret being born. To make it worse, she starts typing notes, and I can see the screen: “Patient describes bowel movements in… metaphorical terms.” I try to backtrack, saying I was joking, but she replies, “We encourage patients to speak openly.” Ma’am I was speaking TOO openly. I was practically auditioning for a gastrointestinal slam poem. At checkout the nurse hands me a pamphlet titled: “Understanding Your Digestive Rhythm.” The receptionist tells me my doctor asked her to “just give him this.” I didn’t have the courage to explain I’m just an idiot who panicked under small talk pressure. TL;DR: Doctor asked a...

So yeah this is kinda dumb on my part but here we go. My friend/roommate told me a while ago she was having a bad month with money cuz her car messed up and work cut her hours. She asked if I could cover her half of the utilities just this month. Cool, whatever, I said yes. Didn’t think much. Then the next month comes around and she goes “hey I’m still getting back on track can you cover again?” and I was like… okay? I didn’t wanna fight about it so I just did it. I thought it was still temporary. Month THREE hits and she didn’t even ask this time. Bill came in, I mentioned it to her, she just kinda nodded like “yeah you got it right” and walked away. Like it was already decided. I didn’t even agree to that but somehow I’m paying the full utilities now?? It’s like the job got assigned to me without me knowing. I didn’t even realize how much it was messing up my money until I checked my account last week and saw how much higher everything was. Utilities here are not cheap at all and...

Obligatory “this actually happened like 3 years ago”. I hit it off with a girl on a dating app. We went on a date and she seemed legitimately interested in me. The vibes were fantastic. She mentioned enjoying anime and manga, same as I do. When I was at home and we were texting, I recommended some random older manga that I really enjoyed and she asked where she could read it. So I googled around and came across an only mildly sketchy site where one could read it for free. I copied the URL and sent it to her. She sent me a curt “what the fuck did you just send me?” text and I was baffled. It was a brief loop of “what are you talking about”, “this is fucking disgusting”, “I mean, I guess it’s a little on the darker side, but it’s a horror series, just keep reading”, “why the fuck would you think this was okay to send to me?” And then she unmatched and blocked me. I opened up the link again and it was fine. I had no idea what’d happened. When I was having lunch with a friend and was v...

This happened about 5 or 6 months ago, so it did not happen today but I think it’s time I tell someone. To set the scene, I am hanging out with my friend we will call Chuck. Chuck is a big jokester so this also plays into this story. He had received a text message in his family group chat of a photo his grandmother at the bottom of the stairs and a follow up message from his cousin saying “grandmas going to the hospital.” Upon getting this message he also had just remembered he needed to log into a website to complete some work required of him by his employers. Chuck isn’t very tech savvy and expresses this quite often with his apparent hatred of technology, so he started this work on his phone when he remembered he has a whole iPad in his bedroom that would make the process easier. He hops up from the couch, disappears into the bedroom, and emerges seconds later stating “I always forget that I have this thing, but I hate using it because of technology. I’m not good at it and I feel ...

So earlier tonight I was eating a delicious roll with my dinner, and I thought it would be nice to put some butter and sprinkle some za’atar on top! If you haven’t had it before, it’s like a blend of herbs and sesame seeds, it’s a little tart and herby. Delicious on a roll with butter/olive oil. I go pull it out from the pantry, and note that it’s been a while since I last used it. I pop it open, spread a generous slab of butter on my roll and sprinkle some on top. Then I sit down with my roll, and go back to scrolling on my phone as I start munching. As I’m sitting there, a couple bites in, suddenly something catches my eye…. Some movement. Some thing . Something moving in the za’atar . I watch with growing horror as what must be hundreds of tiny little mites move slowly across the zaatar. I stare for a couple seconds, frozen, and slowly look at my roll. Now, luckily, I seem to have avoided sprinkling pure bugs on my roll since I don’t see anything moving. But keep in mind, this i...

A few days ago i(27F) was in marks work wearhouse with my boyfriend(27M), and there's a lot of mannequins there. i have an irrational fear of manniquins, when i was a kid i had to shield my eyes from them but now that i'm older im better at not reacting or acting on the lil fear spikes i get from looking at them and just kind of cope with xyz tactics; anyway, so we were near the front looking at roots stuff, and in the corner of my eye i saw a figure about three feet away from me but partially hidden by more shelves, and i mentally clocked it as "mannequin" and just distracted myself with what else was around me, and then (god i feel so bad) when the "mannequin" moved i actually shreak-yelped. it only lasted a split second (im crying writing this, not sure if its out of amusement or embarrassment) but it was loud enough to make the entire store go completely silent. the poor woman(~20s) was looking at me in shock, i knew i had to tell her exactly why the fu...

Here’s an actual TIFU—I just got home 20 minutes ago and I’m feeling like just about the biggest idiot on the planet at the moment. My office building has a little gym, with little locker rooms for each gender. Both the gym and the locker room require your gym keycard, and your keycard only opens the locker room for the gender you registered as. After work today, I went up there, planning to run on the treadmill for a bit. I got into the gym, got into the locker room, and got all changed. The lockers are tiny cubes, so my street shoes and work clothes went in one cube, which I don’t bother locking because I’m not worried about people stealing dirty clothes. My tiny gym bag and more important miscellany went into another cube and I popped my padlock on it and was about to step out the door when I realized I didn’t have my gym card on me, and it wasn’t on the counter either. My padlock key is attached to my gym card. Both are now locked in my locker. I have a spare key for the padlo...

I swear I’m a normal, functioning adult… until I’m in a market abroad and someone tells me a price. A guy in Morocco told me a bracelet was 30. I remembered you’re supposed to counter at half, so I confidently said: “15?” He goes, “No no… 28.” And instead of continuing like a normal person, I panicked and went: “Okay sure, thank you so much!!” so I somehow negotiated the price down by 2$ when that’s still way overpriced… Walked away paying $28 for a $3 bracelet (as my friend told me after) I even tipped him, and then apologized to HIM. Does anyone actually know how to tell what things should cost in markets???? Because clearly I don’t. Please can someone give me advice on this I have many more days of bargaining to go…Any tips or books that tell me what things should cost?? TL;DR: Tried to haggle in a Moroccan market, panicked, and accidentally negotiated the price higher. Paid $28 for a $3 bracelet, tipped, and apologized to the vendor

Important information: I walk using a stick, so I only ever have one hand free at once. Anyway, today I had multiple errands to run at various stops along the Antrim Road, so rather than waste my whole day waiting for a bus for 15 minutes to the next stop every time (since I can’t walk far) I decided to just book a taxi with multiple stops. Pharmacy, Iceland, the Lodge, the doctor… and the fateful Post Office. Me and the driver had a grand old time chatting (in Ireland we generally sit in the front seat beside the driver and chat away for the whole trip.) We had a laugh about all the Irish signage controversy nonsense, sang along to the radio after I expressed my opinion that the song was “a certified banger”, and he made cracks at me every time I took a wee while at one of the stops “Youse busy chatting up all those young men were you? Sure you were, I see it all over yer” (in Belfast, mockery and sarcasm is kind of our love language if that makes sense.) So, we finally get back t...

This post is partially a waning to newbie drivers and a way to feel a little less embarrase. So, I passed my driving test on Tuesday but today was my first time driving without my Dad or driving instructor in the car as my insurance didn't kick in until yesterday (so much cheaper). The drive into work was absolutely fine, but the drive back was in the dark, which I've never done in this car (a banged up Ford Fiesta) so I was a little unsure. There was light coming from my headlights when I set off so I didn't think anything was wrong. But when I was driving I was struggling to see (I'm sure you can see where this is going). The whole drive back other drivers were flashing at me like crazy and I could not for the life of me figure out what was wrong. At one point I bounced off a kerb (embarrassing) because I was desperately trying to find out what was wrong and I'm genuinely so confused why I didn't just pull over and see what was going on. As I'm pulling...

Last week I was on a trip in Paris and on my last night I went to a strip club near my hotel near the Champs Elysee (Whisper Club) and I bought a nude private dance. I’ve only ever been to clubs in the US a handful of times. During the dance, which was about 10 minutes, the dancer sat on my lap, grinded on me, touched me with her body, etc. - it was honestly more contact than I expected, and she was not wearing bottoms. She also let me touch her waist and legs a bit seemingly without any issue and initiated some touching of her by guiding my hands at a couple points. I remained fully clothed of course, though the dancer did unbutton one button on my over shirt at one point. I didn’t realize at the time, but now that I am home I see that contact dances and touching in Paris may not actually be allowed by laws - I can’t find that answer for sure, but I didn’t know if this fell under the sex solicitation rules. Now I am worried that I had broken a law in a different country or something...

Post 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/s/RP4XEJ6O1F Post 2: https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/s/IXhzISKN4y Hi y'all, I was able to get in and see my allergist last week; they had a cancellation, so were able to book me in early. I spoke to my doctor, told him what happened and the concerns, and he said he would test me for 4 things, as I had eaten soy and sesame recently so it could be nuts. He did point out that food allergy tests are 50% accurate and can sometimes have false positives, so best outcome is 1 reaction or no reaction, and if all react its not great. Either way, I reacted to... nothing. I have no food born allergies. Weird, right? Well, apparently, sometimes your body can just be having an off day mast cells wise (the cells responsible for allergic reactions) and try and kill you. He also explained its possible one of my environmental allergies (pollen, dust, grass) had gotten onto the food. One of the chocolates had dandelion in it, and I honestly didnt realize that c...

Today I was meeting up with a friend for breakfast, about a 10 minute drive away. When I got to my car and turned it on, it popped up an alert that all wheel drive was off, so I turned it off and on and a new alert that steering assist was off popped up. I was sufficiently concerned that I immediately called my parents to see if they thought it was safe to drive, and they said we will get it looked at this week, but it should be fine for a short trip like that. I made the stupid decision of driving despite that. The drive there was fine. When I turned the car on to drive home I noticed the car radio had stopped working, so I called my dad. About a mile from my destination, I pulled a little too far into an intersection at a red light and I reversed because no one was behind me, and put my car back in drive. I absolutely put my car back in drive. When the light had turned green, two more cars were behind me, but when I hit the gas the car started reversing. I slammed on the brakes a...

This morning I was "wrestling" on top of my car muffler and after I was done with my business, I made sure to clean the inside and put everything back in to place but when I started the car it made a really loud sound. Should I be concerned? This is the fourth time that this happened and I don't know how to tell anyone about this and the car owned by my dad.‌‌‌‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍‌‍...

I'm not sure when it began, but one day, I decided to go to the bathroom every time I left my room to go out somewhere. If I needed to go get breakfast outside, bathroom, if I needed to get to class, bathroom, leave class, bathroom. This has now been a habit for at least the past 2 months. It's a running joke now in my family that whenever we have to go somewhere, I would be left behind needing to empty out my bladder. I've kind of gotten used to the jokes, but I can't really help it now. However, I've started noticing my bathroom habits more, and even drinking a sip or a cup of water will give me the urge to go. I looked up the average period before needing to go, and discovered that the normal range is anywhere from 2-4 hours! I could not believe that people can hold their bladder for that long, or that I used to be able to do that during school. So now, in the interest of my health, I'm trying to fix my bladder issues by spacing out my urinating time slow...

Obligatory this happened last evening I heading out of the dining hall when this cute guy came up to me and said I was really pretty. When I say cute I mean it and he was all sincere and everything, he was even like a little nervous, he was totally my type. But my dumb ass froze and I just said “thanks” and JUST STOOD THERE 🧍‍♀️He told me to have a nice night and I mumbled out something like “you too” and booked it for the exit Oh my god my friends are never gonna let me live this down I totally fumbled The sucky thing is I totally seemed uninterested when I am, in fact, very very interested. I swear to god if I see him again I’m gonna have to compliment him on his snake bites or something to get the conversation going, I’m just not used to cute guys being so forward TL;DR: I fumbled a baddie in the dining hall and now my chances at love are over

I had just signed up for a gym membership, and finished a solid workout that left me tired out of my mind. After wiping down the treadmill, I felt that I was still sweating a lot, so I decided to stop by the restroom to get a quick splash of water for my face. Unfortunately my mind felt so drained from the workout that I forgot to check the gender restroom and I walked into the women's restroom. I thought it was empty so I didn't register the early warning signs that would have minimalized the damage that would come later. A quick layout of the restroom: The sinks are within the sight of the entrance going in, however the changing area is only within sight of the exit. Anyone in the changing area would have only seen my back when walking in, and my front when walking out. After washing my face I faced the exit preparing to leave when I saw one of those gym influencer girls changing, bra and panties out. I was stunned, my fuckup quickly dawning on me. Even worse, I had a dee...

Throwaway because I am very embarrassed. So I recently went to my sister's wedding. It was very beautiful, and the ceremony was perfect. I'm so happy for her! The wedding was very small. Mostly close friends and family. There was no wedding website or other things that are more popular these days, and the invite was white. For some context, my older siblings are significantly older than me. We have different moms, and did not grow up together. Our moms HATE each other. Badly. It's kinda embarrassing and sad to watch. This is why I didn't really have a lot of information on what the dress code was. Most of what I knew about the wedding came from my mom. Now on to where I fucked up. I picked a dress that I thought was very appropriate for a wedding. Not very flashy and an olive green. My mom loves coordination, so she based all our outfits on my dress. I am not the type of person who likes to be the center of attention, and definitely not at a wedding, so I asked a bu...

This took place 3 years ago. I was a male nurse married to a wonderful woman, the mother of my children. I had worked in the hospital for a long time, I'm social so I'm work friends with a ton of my colleagues. I don't talk about them with my wife, because I hate talking about work. The day.. I came home from work and put scrub top in the washing pile, my wife grabbed it to do the laundry and she said "who does blonde hair belong to?" Asked sharply. Like it was not a nothing ask. My wife does not have long blonde hair. I was focused on a football game, so I shot back quickly " I don't know, someone from work?" After my words left my mouth, like the millisecond I realized what I had said... This does not sound good. At that point I thought oh I have messed up. That sounds awful having a long blonde hair on me.if I had thought about I could have possibly lied and deflected to my daughter. However, Because my answer was so naive to the situation...

We had a company dinner, and my boss brought her husband, who honestly looked really stylish, clean suit, great hair, just overall put-together. I’d had two glasses of wine and said, “Wow, your husband’s hot, uh, I mean handsome! I mean, like, good fashion sense!” Everyone at the table laughed, and my boss jokingly said, “Hands off, he’s taken.” I wanted to disappear. Later, when people started leaving, her husband said, “Thanks for the ego boost,” and winked. My coworkers won’t stop teasing me. I now have a new Slack nickname: “HR’s Favorite.” This is so embarrassing like I don’t want to go to work anymore and just quit the job and just stay at home TL;DR: Tried to compliment my boss’s husband’s outfit, accidentally called him hot in front of everyone.

Background story, my colegue J is terefied by dogs when ever my other colegues D brings his dog to the office we close our door to make sure said dog doesn't come in or get in contact with J, Today the smart litte fellow dog , very innocent qnd cute figured a way to open the door and was about to come in, me frecking out because i dont want J to panic, i run to the door and start talking to the dog as if he was a person... 'you want to come ok ..but you cant.. am not scared but J is...' A moment of akward silence hungs in the air I talk alot to animals and to myself as someone who is very introverted and has little contact with humains outside my work place, how would you think if a person did that in front of you, does everyone know that am slightly instable mentally PS am not a dog person, but that doggy was very cute TL;DR : i fucked up by talking to my colegue's dog by trying to protect another colegue

Starting I want to say that, while none of this constitutes an excuse as everyone is responsible for their own actions, and I am aware my actions were inexcusable, please dont be too harsh at me as I am autistic, ADHD, have been found to have severe dpdr symptoms and C PTSD. My way of coping with things is still not very functional and im working on it. I had never loved someone before February 5th 2025. I thought I had, but i only had a distant crush on a classmate. However, on February 5th 2025 I met one of the most amazing people ever. At the time I was unaware I had dpdr and Autism. That person had dpdr. We connected instantly but burned out fast as I started having panic attacks over minor things and I think she did too. I remained quite unable to let go for a long while. I still am, but thats not the point of this confession. Last month, i entered a common gaming club server with an alt account. Initially I wanted to give her a gift anonymously. But when I talked to her as a s...