greenmangostudio

Today we went into town to buy some crickets for our pet leopard gecko, Bossk. He is growing fast and has a voracious appetite. Crickets are his favorite. I secured 50 crickets from the nice dude at the bait store, which he put into the small tank I provided. My wife was driving, and we set off back home. My 11 year old son wanted to look at the crickets so I handed him the tank. Curiosity satisfied, he tried to hand the tank back to me. Before I could say "don't pick it up by the lid or it will fall off", he picked it up by the lid. And it fell off. He panicked and tried to grab the falling tank, but only succeeded in batting it up into the air. It span wildly and sprayed 50 crickets all around the car. My wife is certainly not squeamish about bugs, but when you're driving through town and it suddenly starts raining crickets inside the vehicle you're currently operating, things get wild. Fast. My son had the door partially open and seemed ready to head on out...

This morning was a real cluster between getting myself ready for work and wrangling a cranky toddler with intense separation anxiety and a festering grudge because I've been betraying him this week by trying to make him sleep in his own bed. We were running late but in a moment of mom self care I decided I could still take my vitamins on our way out the door because surely I had 0.2 seconds to spare for myself. So I chugged them with a little water. Too little, as it turned out. I take a multivitamin and a turmeric supplement, and as you can imagine the latter has a kick to it. Any other day that manifests as a slight aftertaste. But while I was driving my kid to daycare I felt a sudden, urgent need to vomit accompanied by my mouth being on fire. There was no time to pull over and we were already late as it was, so cue the turmeric self-ejecting from my body. All over my scrubs, lunch bag on the passenger seat, and car dashboard. It tingled, but worse than that, I knew it was go...

This happened a few months ago but it hit me again today. My dad used to call me randomly in the evenings just to talk about nothing. Weather, work, some neighbor drama, whatever was on TV. I’d usually answer, but sometimes I’d let it ring and text him later. One night he called while I was out with friends. It wasn’t anything important, so I declined it and sent, “Can I call you tomorrow?” He replied with a thumbs up.Tomorrow never really came. He ended up in the hospital that night. It wasn’t instant, it wasn’t dramatic, but things went downhill fast. By the time I saw him again, he couldn’t really talk. We had a few quiet moments, but not a real conversation. Today I was going through old photos and saw a screenshot of a random meme he sent me. Under it was that missed call. It wasn’t some huge final speech. He probably just wanted to talk about something small and forgettable. And that’s the part that hurts the most. It was an ordinary moment I treated like it would always be t...

I’ve always described myself as someone who “can cook.” What I really mean is I can follow a recipe if I read it carefully and nothing unexpected happens. But when the person I’ve been seeing mentioned they love homemade Italian food, I confidently said, “I’ll cook for you sometime.” I do not cook Italian food. Instead of picking something safe I decided to go all in. Fresh pasta,. slow simmered sauce. The kind of meal that suggests I own multiple wooden spoons and say things like “let it reduce.” I also got her a gift, some roses from 1800flowers and luckily managed to get them with a discount code. I was hoping that would save me in case the cooking did not turn out well, which it didn’t. The dough started off sticky, then it became dry, then it became something that could probably survive a minor natural disaster. I kept adding flour like that would fix my emotional state. The sauce splattered everywhere. She showed up and I was pretending everything was under control. The kitch...

So this happened today and I still feel sick thinking about it. We had a Zoom class and the professor asked me to present my project. I clicked “share screen” without checking anything because I thought I was ready. About 20 seconds later I saw people typing “wrong tab” in the chat and my stomach just dropped. I wasn’t showing my presentation. I was showing a Reddit thread about my relationship problems and my username was clearly visible at the top for everyone to see. I completely panicked and tried to switch tabs fast, but instead I accidentally stopped sharing my screen completely, so now everyone was just staring at me in silence. The professor said “take your time,” which somehow made it even worse. I finally fixed it and finished the presentation like nothing happened, but I know they saw exactly what I didn’t want them to see . I’m never sharing my screen again without checking every single tab five times. TL;DR Shared the wrong tab in class and accidentally showed somethin...

This happened over the last few months and it’s finally blowing up in a very awkward way. When my roommate and I moved into our place, the total rent was $2,400. The master bedroom is noticeably bigger and has its own bathroom. I took that room. We casually agreed I’d pay “a bit more” and left it at that. No written breakdown. No exact number discussion. Just vibes and a handshake. I started sending $1,300 each month and he sent $1,100. In my head that was the fair split. Bigger room, private bathroom, extra $200. Done. Fast forward to this week. He brings up that he feels like he’s been overpaying compared to the space difference. I was confused because I thought I was the one paying more. Turns out, in his head, “a bit more” meant I’d cover utilities too since I had the master. He assumed the $1,100 he was sending was his total housing cost. I assumed utilities were split 50/50 on top of rent. We never clarified it. So for months I’ve been splitting electric, water, and internet...

Woke up early this morning feeling romantic. Thought I'd surprise my girlfriend with breakfast in bed before she had to go to work. Simple stuff, eggs, toast, coffee, maybe some fruit. Nothing fancy. Here's where I fucked up. I brought the tray up all proud of myself, opened the bedroom door with my foot, and immediately tripped over her shoe that was literally right there in the doorway. Tray went flying. Eggs on the carpet. Coffee on the white bedsheets. Toast landed butter-side down on her phone which was charging on the nightstand. She wakes up to me covered in egg yelling "I'M SO SORRY" while trying to wipe coffee off her face with a pillowcase. She wasn't even mad actually started laughing but I'm pretty sure I ruined breakfast in bed for the rest of our relationship. Cleaned everything up and we ended up getting McDonald's so I guess it worked out? Still feel like an idiot though. TL;DR:  Tried to make breakfast in bed for my girlfriend, tri...

Content warning for gross food stuff/emetophobia. You have been warned. So I was rifling through my dry food pantry looking for something to eat, right? I find this box of instant dried oatmeal, the kind that comes in little paper bags and is banana maple flavored or w/e. The bags look a little worse for wear, little greasy, but it's fine. It's dried, it's not like there's anything in there that could spoil, right? I follow the instructions, open up the bag, pour it into a bowl, and fill up the empty bag with water up to the fill line. Water starts pouring out the side of the bag, through a small hole I did not previously notice. Well, that's inconvenient. I do not take a moment to wonder "why is there a hole in here? and a perfectly circular one at that? how long have these packets been sitting in the back of the cabinet of this 50 year old house?", instead I finish prepping my breakfast and toss it in the microwave. Yippee, yummy oatmeal! I sit down ...

This happened today. For years I’ve been the “strong one” in my family. When my parents divorced, I helped my younger sister, made sure she felt safe, and told her everything would be fine even when I didn’t believe it. When my mom worked two jobs, I tried to keep good grades, helped around the house, and acted like nothing was bothering me. Teachers called me mature. Friends said I was strong. I never really corrected them. I just kept saying I was okay, even when I wasn’t. Today my mom called asking if I could help my sister again. I’d barely slept, work has been overwhelming, and instead of calmly saying I was exhausted, I snapped . I told her I was tired of always being the responsible one, that nobody ever asked if I was okay, that I felt invisible for years. I didn’t say it calmly. I said it angry and loud, like they had done something cruel on purpose. My mom went quiet and said she thought I wanted to help and that she was proud of how strong I’ve always been. She sounded hur...

To start, I have been trying to find a WFH job because I need the money to be able to afford rent and bills and because I plan on going back to school online, so it would be a lot easier to get a WFH job. I have filled out so many job applications, I don't even remember who all I applied to. Well, last week, I got an interview invitation from someone at an investment bank for a payroll clerk job, which is one of the positions I applied for at several other companies. I was ecstatic because I thought I got something. Well, they sent me a link to the Chief of Human Resources to her Microsoft Teams account. I set up an interview for a later date and when that date came, we had our interview through chat and not through video call like I thought it would be. (I know, I know, major red flag that I should have picked up on.) Well, I was asked some standard interview questions involving metaphorical scenarios and my experience. It all looked very legitimate, even in the subsequent emails...

so, I recently have been struggling with shitty broken windshield wipers and during the last storm almost crashed because of poor visibility. We were due for some snow so I went to Auto Zone and shelled out a small fortune for top of the line wipers. I installed them myself with a little help from google and proudly drove off. The wipers had bright yellow blades which I thought was odd but since they were the heavy duty kind, I just shrugged it off and assumed that they were a more durable kind of rubber. I was very excited to try them out when the snow came and when the moment came where they were needed, I flicked them on anticipating a spotless windshield. Well, they… Sucked. Like, they smeared ice all over the windshield and basically did nothing. I was pissed but thought maybe they just needed to be broken in or that I installed them wrong. Today, after I dug out my car and started driving, I noticed that one of the yellow wiper blades was hanging off. Already. This was the ...

First of all: i am woke. Alice Weidel is a far right german political i know how goofy alice weidel is but i am - for reasons UNKNOWN to me - extremely(!!) attracted to her. Maybe it’s because I suppose she is dominant, idk but i never had such a attraction to someone and i had many relationships with attractive girls A few days ago, the girl i am dating at the moment wanted to needle me by ironically saying that i surely dream about alive weidel. didn’t think much about weidel before but since then she doesn’t leave my head. She is not even my type and I never before fell for a politician. She actually is my very first celebrity crush⁉️which is FRUSTRATING bc i wanna fck her but obvs can’t :( I’m a lesbian, female, 20 years old… TL;DR: Weidel is my crush, and i have no idea at all why, she’s neither very attractive nor smart or a good person

So this happened a few months ago and I still think about it at 3am sometimes. I had been seeing this girl for a few weeks. Nothing official yet but there was definitely something there. We'd been texting constantly, hanging out, doing that thing where you sit closer and closer each time until you're basically on top of each other. So she invites me over to her place to watch a movie. Classic. I know what this means. Or at least I thought I did. We're on the couch, movie is on, neither of us is actually watching the movie. We're just talking and laughing and she keeps looking at me in that way. You know the way. The way that says something is about to happen. At some point there's this pause in the conversation. One of those loaded silences. She turns to face me, eyes soft, lips slightly parted, leaning in just a little. I think: this is it. This is the moment. I have read every single signal correctly and I am about to have my rom-com moment. I lean in. She...

This happened today and I'm typing this from the work bathroom because I can't face going back to my desk. I (21F) started at a marketing agency three weeks ago. First real job after graduating, been trying SO hard to seem professional. That lasted exactly 18 days. Friday night my girls drag me out to celebrate my first paycheck. We end up at this bar downtown. I'm two espresso martinis in and this guy comes up - tall, dark hair, great smile. We start talking and there's instant chemistry. He mentioned he works in marketing too and I was like oh cool same but we did NOT elaborate further. We were not there to network. One thing led to another. I went back to his place. I'll spare you the details but things were said that should never be repeated. Snuck out Saturday morning doing the walk of shame in last night's heels feeling like a legend. No numbers exchanged. No last names. No instagrams. Perfect one night story. Chapter closed. WRONG. Monday morning I ...

This happened a few years ago and I still cringe thinking about it. So my dad and I were just chilling at home, watching TV, when he asks me to look something up on my phone. Nothing unusual, happens all the time. He wanted to check the score of some game or find a restaurant, something completely normal and boring. Here's the thing. I was a teenager with zero media literacy and absolutely no concept of consequences. I had been using Chrome on my phone and never once thought about the fact that your most visited sites show up as little thumbnails the moment you open a new tab. And my bookmark collection was... let's say curated. Enthusiastically curated. I hand him the phone, he opens Chrome, and before he even types a single letter — there it is. Bold as the sun. A Pornhub thumbnail with a video title that left absolutely zero room for interpretation. And it wasn't just one bookmark. There were several. A whole row. A collection I had been building for months with what...

So this happened today, and i’m still cringing. i was venting to my best friend about a frustrating client at work, typing out a long, detailed message describing how ridiculous i thought the client was and including some… less than flattering personal opinions. I finished typing, and in my sleepy haze i hit “send” without double-checking the recipient. instead of sending it to my friend, i sent it to the entire work group chat — 25 people, including my manager. i realized immediately when i saw the “delivered” notification and my stomach dropped. For the next 10 minutes, i stared at my phone, paralyzed with regret. messages started pouring in — some people laughing nervously, some just reacting with “😳”, and of course a few asking if i was serious. i had to explain it was meant for a friend, apologize, and hope that my job wouldn’t be in jeopardy. the embarrassment is unreal, and now everyone at work probably thinks i’m unprofessional or bitter. Lesson learned: double-check your...

This is a bit of an embarrassing story and I'm choosing to be tarred and feathered if it's warranted. I sincerely didn't think I was capable of doing something like this, but I guess I don't know myself as much as I thought I did. For context, two years ago, I became severely mentally ill due to underlying ADHD symptoms that I didn't take seriously. As a result, at the advice of my friend, I decided to go to a doctor and get solutions. I was prescribed medication, I immediately felt better, and I coasted believing that I had shed my fears and anxieties. Which, as I soon found out, wasn't the case. Call me oblivious, call me narcissistic. I don't believe that to be true, but what I'm about to share can sure make it look like that from the outside looking in, and if it really is true, then I appreciate the honesty. My medication helps me to get tasks done on time, focus on projects, and get me to an emotional baseline. Before this, I was constantly fea...

I work remotely, and my company uses Microsoft Teams. We have a weekly all-hands meeting that is essentially just 45 minutes of managers reading statistics off a PowerPoint. It’s incredibly dry, so I usually just turn my camera off, leave my headset on, and make lunch or fold laundry. Today, the VP of Sales was in the middle of a very serious, monotone speech about Q1 revenue targets. While he was talking, my cat jumped up onto my desk. I have a terrible habit of aggressively baby-talking to my cat when no one is around. Without thinking, I leaned into the microphone and said—in the most absurd, high-pitched, cartoonish voice imaginable—"Who is a stinky little garbage goblin? Is it you? Yes it is! You're a stinky little goblin man!" I heard the VP stop mid-sentence. There was about five seconds of dead, agonizing silence on the call. Then, the VP cleared his throat and said, "Uh... could whoever is talking to the goblin please mute their microphone?" My so...

TIFU… technically about 20 years ago. When I was 14, I acquired (read: shoplifted) a long stuffed weiners dog from KB Toys at the mall and named him Ludwig Van Beethoven. He was filled with little styrofoam pellets, and I didn’t cuddle him — I used him as neck support on top of my pillow, as a neck pillow on the plane, or as a buffer against whatever surface I was sleeping on. I stopped using him when my future husband moved in. I decided I was too old to sleep with a stuffed animal. Time to grow up. The consequences weren’t immediate. About three years later, I started waking up with numb arms. Didn’t connect it to anything. Around ten years ago, the neck pain started — a morning kink that eventually turned into all-day shoulder/upper trap pain for the last 3 years. I’ve tried every pillow type. Memory foam, contoured, soft, firm. Did PT. Had X-rays done. Researched more than I care to admit. Just assumed I was tense, stressed, or aging. New normal, ya know? Recently I remember...

I developed anorexia and eating disorder when I was 12 till somewhere around 13. I would starve myself on purpose and purge daily. I did it in two chunks 6months and for about 2 months I took a break and after I went back doing for another 6months I stopped the cycle from then and went back to eating normally. During malnutrition period I have grown 7cm but lost 13 pounds. Would my past action lead to me becoming smaller as an adult and can I recover my lost growth since I am a male? I have posted something similar in another sub and there were different answers some were about me permenantly causing damage while others say the there is a likely chance of catch up in growth. if it does stunt my growth then yea its kind of sad. The worst part is that I don't have genetics to support my growth. My parents are in the shorter side mom at 5 foot 2 and dad is 5 foot 9 and me also being the same height as mom. Im also dealing with which i would assume a repercussion effect where I would ...

This literally happened within the last 20 minutes. On Fridays I do all of the dishes for each of the classrooms in the school I teach at. (All of our guides take on multiple roles) When I was taking a couple of the tubs off of one of the dish racks I didn't realize that a bunch of still pretty hot water was in the rim. Anyway, when I picked it up the water of course flew out and bypassed my waterproof apron going straight on to my chest and down my shirt. I was able to react quickly enough and bent over throwing off my headphones, apron, and gloves before running to the bathroom. Luckily the water wasn't still boiling hot or this could've been a lot worse. I'm currently taking a break with a dish towel tucked in my shirt like a bib and a wet paper towel wedged between my b00bs. TLDR: accidentally splashed hot water on my yitties and now I look like an idiot haha (Edited to fix a typo)

This happened yesterday and I am still not over it. Not even a little. So we have this big all hands company call. Every department, every manager, every senior leader all on the same call. Cameras on. The whole thing. My boss is up presenting the quarterly numbers looking completely comfortable like he does this every day because he does. He puts up a slide and rattles off a figure and something in my brain just snapped. I was convinced, like staked my entire existence on it convinced, that the number was wrong. I’d seen a different figure somewhere recently and in that moment my brain decided it was the hill I was going to die on. I don’t know what possessed me. I unmuted myself. On a 200 person call. And said clearly and with full confidence, “I think that figure is actually off, the correct number is X.” The silence that followed was the kind that has texture. You could feel it. My boss paused mid sentence, looked at his screen, then very slowly pulled up the source document ...

bro i’ve been stressed out of my mind for like two weeks. i kept seeing this massive charge on my account for "office supply logistics" and "cloud management." i’m 19, i work at a boba shop, and i don't even own a printer. i was 100% sure some hacker had my info and was using my card to run a fake business. i was literally about to pay for one of those expensive identity protection services because i was too scared. i felt like my life was ruined before it even started. my cousin scanned my card history and statements through moneygot to see how much the hacker spent, to report to the police. bro, the "hacker" was my old internship from senior year. it turns out when i was helping my old boss set up their supply software, the company card didn't work and he asked me to do a "one-time payment" of 50 bucks to get the account verified. he promised to venmo me back (which he did), so i thought it was fine. what i didn't know was tha...

To preface, I occasionally do deliveries for Uber Eats and DoorDash outside of work and school. Since I don’t have much time to drive, I have the apps on in the background whenever I’m free an able, ready to move on a minutes notice. So it’s late night, and I’m in my garage w a vacuum gun cleaning my seats when I get a ping. It’s basically a handheld vacuum with a long tube to reach small spaces, so from a far it literally is shaped like a gun. Since I was already dressed and ready, I didn’t bother to put the vacuum away and went about my delivery. I dropped off the order (in a not so nice area of town) and I guess I didn’t make a hard stop at a stop sign bc I got pulled over. I don’t hate cops, but I am uncomfortable given I’m a minority and the area i was driving in, so I’m already on edge. Cop comes up to me saying I didn’t stop completely, I hand over my license and am rummaging through the glove compartment for registration. However the way my delivery bag was slightly exposin...

This happened today. And yes, I still feel like an absolute idiot. I have a friend — let’s call him Artem. For the past few months, he’s been planning to propose to his girlfriend. I knew about it because I helped him pick out the ring. He made it very clear: Don’t tell anyone. Especially not her. Today the four of us met up at a café — me, my girlfriend, Artem, and his girlfriend. Just a normal hangout. At some point she starts joking: Everyone around us is getting engaged or married… Mine will probably need five more years to even think about it. We all laugh. And this is where my brain decided to completely betray me. Trying to support my friend, I smiled and said: No, he just wants everything to be perfect. You don’t rush things like that. Silence. She looks at him. He looks at me. I can physically feel my stomach drop. She asks: What things? And instead of smoothly changing the subject like a normal person… I start awkwardly backtracking. Well you kno important things Artem is ba...

This happened today and I'm still cringing. I just moved into a new apartment in the suburbs after living at home for a bit. My dad is very old-school and protective - he has strong opinions about contracts, landlords, and anyone who might try to "take advantage" me. I try to keep boundaries, but the landlord had been slow to fix a couple of things from the move-in checklist, so I was nervous. This morning I wrote a short, polite email asking about two small repairs and confirming the date they would enter to do them. I wanted it calm and clear. My dad offered to proofread, and against my better judgment I let him. He didn't proofread. He rewrote it like a legal brief: a list of "documented deficiencies," references to "statutory obligations," and a line about "pursuing remedies" if it wasn't fixed within a specific timeline. It sounded like I'd already hired a lawyer. I softened a few lines, but kept more of his edits than I...

I (22F) just finished a group presentation for one of my classes. Holy hell do I feel like the shittiest person on earth. We rehearsed and practiced it like 50 times and were confident we would do great. I didn't slip up when we practiced and knew exactly what to say and when. Then it was time for the actual presentation. I started out fine in the beginning, just a few jitters. Then, in the middle of the presentation, I don't know why, or how, but I just completely lost my train of thought. I completely blanked. And as I saw that slightly confused look on the faces of the entire class and my professor, I froze even more and started panicking inside. But my teammates got a read of what was going on and moved on. Then when the presentation was nearing the end, I somehow got my shit together and finished somewhat strong. But oh my god oh my god, I feel like a monster. I feel so guilty for messing up like that, especially considering the weeks of effort I put into this. I can...

Obligatory technically not today, This is a longer issue than that. Just had the realization today so i think it still technically counts??? Also sorry for the long post, I tend to ramble. This is (unfortunately) the cut down version. I tried my best guys, sorry. So, I (M19) and my siblings, who we will call Estelle(14F), Finch(14NB) and Juniper(16F, the focus of this story) are all one quarter mexican. Dutch-Mexican mother, father won't talk about his background for some reason but he's white, if you're curious. This does make us mostly white, despite the fact that we call ourselves mexican pretty openly. Some people raise a brow at that in my experience, which is why I feel the need to provide some context for the role our culture plays in our lives. We received just as much exposure to dutch culture as well, but only our mexican part is relevant to the post. Because of my dad's secrecy, and the way our mother raised us, we all pretty much adopted her cultural back...

Today in psychology my professor was talking about discrimination and the way people can judge others based on initial impressions. I happened to be looking my professor in the eyes when he was speaking to us, which is what I do with everyone talking to me. For some reason he didn’t like this, he stared back at me and continued speaking until eventually he interrupted his lecture to call me out. He said, “you there in the hoodie! do you think anybody knows who you are?” in a slightly aggressive tone. I was completely caught off guard by this, and I felt a lot of anxiety and sudden tension in me rise. I eventually said “no” and he said “I could discriminate against you based on your hoodie.” I didn’t think anything was wrong initially because he could have just been trying to make an example out of me to add to the lecture, except he had never done this with any other student before which is what made me also think it could have been targeted. Everything was fine until I did it agai...

This tifu started last night but goes into today, last night i got an idea to write a horror story, i'm not a writer by any means and my work isn't popular but i like to contribute scary stories to nosleep, the gist of it was the parent of a kid who was scared of modern computers and only used this old macintosh from the 80s, the kid makes newspapers that predict future events and it turns out the macintosh is haunted, and so on. But i decided why not write it in an appropriate enviroment, so i found a website that emulates old macintoshes and got to work, i managed to get the story going using an old copy of word on it and downloaded copies onto my computer that opened just fine (i downloaded several because emulators are finnicky and can crash), i thought it would be so cool to say that this story was written in a macintosh. Tonight i decided to do more work, and noticed the emulator had some different operating systems to choose from, i decided to change it to Mac System ...

Ok, to set the scene I (18F) work at a grocery store in the Midwest. I cashier. It was a Sunday and we had our usual after-church rush and it was pretty much a normal work day. I’m always trying to make light conversation with the customers. Later in the evening, I see a man (30s) walk up to my register and he is in full blown Minnesota Vikings gear. I’m talking Vikings shirt, pants, hat, and even has on one of those NFL Vikings rings. I am not a huge football person but my dad is a Vikings fan so I decided to ask the guy, “So, how did the Vikes do today?” I don’t know what went through my head, because they clearly hadn’t played today. It was the middle of JULY. The guy just looked at me with such a disgusted face and said “football season was over months ago” He literally just walked away shaking his head and I’ve never regretted trying to start a convo so much. He was so disappointed. Also now I feel like even more of a fake fan then I was before😭 But it’s a funny story to tell n...

It was Valentine's day. I (32f) was at a small Valentine's day concert put on by our local brewery. My boyfriend was the drummer, and I was there to watch him play and hang out afterwards. The show was great, very entertaining with the singer going offstage every so often to pass out a rose or have someone sing a line. I was seated with his girlfriend (I'll call her K) and her friend (I'll call her A) during the performance. A and K were both talking loudly and laughing raucously throughout the entire performance. They were clearly having a great time and while it was distracting, they were in very high spirits as they got progressively drunker. During the intermission, my boyfriend and I went outside for a smoke and we bantered about how he could hear them over his drum kit. I told him I was having a great time and that his performance sounded amazing. We both agreed that it was a good thing that I'm not a drinker and then went back inside for the second set. ...

so I work remote from a tiny apartment in Boise and half my personality at this point is trying to sound smarter than I am on zoom. This morning we had a big meeting with execs. Cameras on like 30 people. My boss was presenting numbers and then someone asked, does anyone know why Q3 retention dipped in the northwest region there was a pause. I thought it was one of those awkward silences where leadership wants someone bold to jump in. I had skimmed a report at like midnight and felt dangerous. So I unmuted I went on this confident rant about market saturation, shifting demographics, customer fatigue. I even said statistically speaking this was predictable if you look at the behavioral trend curves (I do not know what behavioral trend curves are) When I finished i felt kind of proud like damn I sound expensive. Then the VP says, thanks, but that question was for Jenna. She manages the northwest region jenna unmutes and goes, yeah the dip happened because we accidentally paused em...

Bro I'm really dumb, I walked through pedestrian lane but this motorcycle just overtake the car in front of me and then it hit me like im a freshly made mochi. My shoes was thrown away and I tried getting it by limping bro... I RAN USING MY ONE LEG. and then I apologized to the one who hit me and i ran away because all of the people are just looking at me like I am one of the famous art in the museum. So I... I entered the trike sitting in the "charity" and i cried silently, my facemask was full of snot and tears. I still didn't tell anybody about this lol, it's just AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH the rider looked really pissed off and I don't know what to do, I got bruises weeks later and yeah TL;DR: I got hit by a motorcycle, I limped to get my shoes, apologize and then ran away

i thought i was organized traveler, i really did, turns oud im wrong and loud. this happened yesterday. me and my gf(yes gf) always wanted to go for a big trip and that time has finally come. ive been preparing for two weeks for this trip spreadsheets. color coded packing list. printed boarding passes even though it’s 2026 and nobody does that. i packed everything. every little small thing that might be needed. guess what i forgot. we get to the check in desk. the agent smiles and asks for passports. i confidently reach into my backpack. front pocket.not there. side pocket.not there. i do that fake calm laugh and say hold on one sec. unzip every compartment like the passport is gonna magically spawn. nothing. and then i remember it. i left it on my kitchen counter. i can literally picture it sitting next to the stupid plant i always forget to water. boarding starts in 35 minutes. our apartment is 40 minutes away without traffic. i try to think of loopholes. can i use my driv...

This didn’t happen today, but the consequences are very much happening right now. A few months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend. It wasn’t pretty. There was gaslighting, constant needling, drinking.. caused me a lot of emotional exhaustion. When it ended I felt like I had survived something. Shortly after the breakup, he lost his job. He reached out saying he was struggling, saying that the breakup was hard on him and that he got fired. He asked if I could refer him to my company. I love my job, have an understanding boss, good pay and I have a solid reputation here. I didn’t think too hard, I just didn’t want to feel guilty, so I referred him. He got hired. And we have the SAME boss. And now he’s trying to move into my team. I now see him almost every day. Every meeting is a reminder of the relationship I worked so hard to get out of. I can’t even look him in the eye without remembering all the manipulation, stress. Meanwhile, he seems completely comfortable maybe even enjoying ...

So I workED at this small car dealership in Reno, Nevada. Nothing fancy just me three other sales guys, and our manager Rick who thinks he is a wolf of wall street but drives a busted Tacoma We got this new receptionist last month. 22, quiet always reading during lunch. I decided I was gonna be that mysterious confident dude not the usual clown version of me. I watched a bunch of cringe alpha male garbage and thought yeah less talking, more eye contact act like I have options. Here is where I cooked myself I started ignoring her on purpose like full on hot and cold. One day super friendly next day barely looking at her I thought it would make me seem busy and high value or whatever Instead she went to Rick and said I was making her uncomfortable. I did not even know that part yet yesterday Rick calls me into his office. He has this weird disappointed dad face he tells me there has been feedback about my behavior. says I am acting hostile and creating tension. I panic my brain g...

This morning I had an early shift after a pretty restless night, so I was already running on very little sleep. I didn’t have time for breakfast and just grabbed a protein bar to eat on the way. Before leaving, I took my methylphenidate for my adhd, which isn’t ideal on an empty stomach, and headed out. My commute is about 20 minutes by bike, and since I was late, I was riding pretty fast. About three quarters of the way there, I started feeling nauseous. That’s not entirely unusual for me, and normally I’d just eat something and drink water and it settles. But this time I didn’t stop right away because I was already in a rush. The nausea quickly got worse, and I noticed that metallic taste that usually means it’s not going to end well. I got off my bike to try to compose myself, but it was too late and I ended up throwing up in front of my university. Afterwards I just stood there feeling embarrassed and gross, realizing I had basically created the perfect storm: little sleep, no rea...

I'm new at a job and sat somewhere on the first day to sit with my new team where they put me on a flex space. Then I sat there the next 7 days, I scooted 1 place because of HR and then another place. I was just doing my work but also sat opposite the director of the company. I didn't say anything to him besides good morning and good evening and put on music with earphones to not listen in to anything. Then there was a standard meeting with HR for new personell. She was being really cold to me and nice to the other person. She then told me that I drove her from her place and asked me what I was doing. I had no idea this was going on. I was also a bit informal with my new manager (dumb joke) so he was also a bit cold. I really hate this situation. I am going to sit somewhere else and act professional and if nothing happened. In 5 workdays I have my first month evaluation so I hope with my corrections I can repare the damage. Just say "better not sit there please" but ...

So , since early December , my grandma has been a resident at the local nursing and rehab home. Honestly , it's less of a medical center and more of a departure lounge for the ' Great Beyond ' and the gossip there is top tier. Thankfully for us , the place is located quite literally right across the street from my house. My commute there is approximately fourty-five seconds if im walking. Because of the geographic convenience , ive been visiting her every day for the last two months. Ive become such a fixture in that building that im basically the facility's emotional support human , minus the uniform and credentials and I have significantly more existential dread than the rest of the employees. In that time ive managed to socialize my way into the good graces of the entire ecosystem. Im tight with the doctors , the nurses , aides and a rotating cast of residents who are all charmingly one foot in the grave already. Now you think a nursing home would be a place of pe...

So I very awkwardly taught my nephew, the word chlamydia the other day and not in the way that you would think… It was actually very innocent. I was with one of my sister’s friends and my friends who’s become part of the family and I was telling her about an interesting fact, not thinking about how my nephew was right beside us. I told her did you know that koalas can get chlamydia and that they can give it to humans… just a fun fact… and then he who can barely say clear words most of the time clearest day said koala chlamydia so that happened And he went to his grandmother’s house today, so I’m kinda hoping he doesn’t say that, but at the same time I would die laughter and about pee my pants if he did because holy crap, how do you react to that? TL:DR I shared a fact about koalas and my nephew hung on to two words from the sentence. Those two words which he repeated were koala chlamydia.

so I (19f) went over to my boyfriend's (19m) to spend Valentine's day together. I bought a tesco meal to chuck in the oven since I've started a new job which means waking up at 4am. I don't usually cook at his place as I feel comfier cooking homemade meals at home. anyways, I bought camembert for a starter, lasagne and chips for a main, and a brownie pudding for dessert. I time everything perfectly and the cheese comes out. we go to dig in and it's a bit more solid than usual, but we finish it anyway. then comes the main and the chips were solid, and the lasagne was lukewarm?? we power through it, but leave some of the main. me n bf were discussing the meal afterwards and I talk about the setting I put it on and maybe It was the wrong one. He goes down to check and we finally learn why (t)ifu. The. oven. wasn't. actually. on. I never pressed the middle button to turn it on. We had room temp food. We never actually had the dessert either because we were so f...

This actually happened today, and I still want to disappear. We had our weekly team meeting at work. Nothing special — just updates, deadlines, and a small presentation from my boss about upcoming changes. At some point, he mentioned that our deadline for a client project was next Friday. I instantly felt that spike of confidence because I clearly remembered it being this Friday. I had even told a coworker earlier that we were running out of time. Instead of double-checking or asking politely, I interrupted him mid-sentence and said, “Actually, the deadline is this Friday. We’re already behind.” The room went quiet. He paused, looked at me, and calmly said, “Are you sure?” I doubled down. I even said I had checked the email myself. So he pulled it up on the screen. In front of everyone. And there it was. Clear as day. “Due: Next Friday.” Turns out I had mixed it up with another project. Not only was I wrong, but I also looked arrogant and unprepared. My boss handled it profess...

I wanted my lashes to be "unshakeable." I bought a glue used by drag queens—literally "the stuff that stays on through a hurricane." I applied my lashes and went to a rooftop bar for a first date. The wind was insane. About twenty minutes in, a huge gust hit us. The glue was so strong that the lash didn't fly off; instead, it acted like a tiny sail. It pulled my actual eyelid upward and stayed there. I couldn't blink my left eye. My eyelid was literally stuck in a "perma-wink" position. I spent the rest of the date trying to look "mysterious" while my left eye was wide open and watering uncontrollably. My date asked if I was "having a stroke." When I got home, it took three different types of oil and two hours of crying to get them off. I lost nearly all my natural lashes on that eye. TL;DR: Used glue that was too strong; a gust of wind turned my fake lashes into a sail and pinned my eyelid open for the duration of a first d...

I was invited to be a "background student" for a famous yoga influencer’s new YouTube series. I wore my "cute" black leggings. Under normal lighting, they look fine. Under the 50,000-watt studio lights they use for filming, they were basically a window. We were doing "Downward Dog" for about 10 minutes. I was feeling great, really "in the zone." After the take, the cameraman (a guy in his 20s) looked at the floor and refused to make eye contact. The influencer pulled me aside and whispered, "Hey, just so you know... the camera can see your exact brand of underwear and your birthmark. We have to reshoot the whole segment." I had to put on a pair of borrowed, sweaty "loaner" shorts over my leggings. I am now forever immortalized in the "Bloopers" reel as the girl whose leggings were essentially a screen door. TL;DR: Wore transparent leggings to a high-def film shoot; gave the entire production crew a detailed anato...

So for context I’m a male, 20 years old. So last semester when it wasn’t as freezing as it’s been lately I was asleep in my dorm it was probably about 2 or 3 am. The fire alarm goes off and I completely panic. I was in a house fire situation when I was a kid and I’ve been freaked out by it since. Anyway I’m scrambling and I put on a sweatshirt and run out the door without bothering anything else. The sweatshirt was hanging up by my bed so it was easy to grab and it already had my wallet and everything in it. So I’m outside with everyone else now. I have the sweatshirt on but other than that no pants no socks no shoes no shirt. I’m just in the sweatshirt and the underwear that I wore to sleep. I immediately feel a little self-conscious because it seems like everyone else had time to put more clothes on. I approach my RA asking how long she thinks we’ll be out here and she flips out at me. She says there’s no reason for me to be out here like that because these things are common and...

This happened earlier this week and I’m still cringing. I was at a small store buying snacks when the cashier handed me my change. As I grabbed it, our fingers barely touched. Now, any normal person would just move on. Not me. For some reason my brain short circuited and I panicked and said, Sorry! like I had just committed a crime. The cashier looked confused and said, It’s okay? And instead of stopping there, I doubled down. I said, I just didn’t want it to be weird. WHY would I say that. Now it was weird. He stared at me. I stared at him. There was a line forming behind me. I tried to laugh it off but it came out like a nervous goat noise. To escape the situation, I grabbed my bag and confidently walked into the wrong door. It wasn’t the exit. It was the supply closet. I opened it. Made eye contact with a mop. Closed it slowly. Turned around to the entire line watching me. Then I finally left. I can never go back there. That store belongs to them now. TL;DR: Accidentally touc...

Ok so at my job we are on a point system and 16 points gets you fired. So I have the brilliant idea to email the head of hr to find out how many points I have because I’ve been taking a lot of time off of work to do some things. Anyway I live in Virginia Beach and my email went like this . Hello (apple) we will call the head of hr apple) this is (my name from vagina beach and I was wondering how many points I have from taking so many days off. Well I sent it without realizing that I said vagina beach instead of Virginia Beach lol and mind you this lady is the head of hr for my whole company and I said vagina beach instead of Virginia Beach. I only noticed the next day when I reread the email and noticed it. Now I’m patiently waiting for a response. I sent her another email explaining what happened but who knows how she is going to take this lol. TLDR I said vagina beach instead of Virginia Beach and I sent it to the head hr lady of my whole company

Honestly, this is more of a "Today I Stopped Fucking UP" but I wanted to make the post anyway, especially if it can inspire some folks to go. So, I think my last dental cleaning/check-up/whatever you call it was when I was 12 or 13 years old. Dental hygiene wasn't ever firmly enforced on me growing up and as a shithead pre-teen I found out I could get away without doing it with just a few work arounds. Parents didn't find out or really care when they did catch me, and I created a bad habit that followed me MUCH too far into my adult life. Flash forward to now, in my early 30s. Two teeth that have broken/shattered over the years (unfortunately they both happened when I didn't have dental insurance) that I just face-tanked. The SEARING and MISERABLE pain of exposed nerves that stuck around for years, the self-lancing of multiple abscesses, having the side of my face swell up like a balloon just before a flight - that I ended up popping and draining while in the ...

Hi all. Obligatory not today, but this happened yesterday. So my boyfriend and I had been planning a ski trip to blue mountain PA for a couple weeks. It was both our first times skiing and we were super excited! We decided against renting snowboards because we weren’t sure if we were up to the challenge (and thank god for that). Skip to the day of the trip (yesterday). We get there, we are geared up to the brim in layers, heavy awkward boots, huge snow pants and tight helmets with goggles. Carrying around awkward heavy skis and poles, I’m hot and completely over stimulated. Everything was about 10 times more uncomfortable than I predicted it would be, putting me into a somewhat sour mood until we would get to the slopes and it would all be worth it. We approach the bottom of the mountain. After checking the map several times, we’re still confused on where to go. My boyfriend suggests we just hop onto the closest lift and hope for the best! Trial by fire being the best way to learn ...

My wife Marge 29F and I 31M have a 5 month old daughter Maggie (names changed for privacy). I am currently working at a office located only 7 minutes from home, and often come home for lunch so I can spend more time with our daughter. Yesterday, I was eating my lunch and Marge offers me a jello cup, which gave me a brilliant idea. I asked Marge for a straw, to which my wife rolled her eyes (she knew what was coming) but obliged and grabbed me a straw out of the pantry. I grab the straw and start sucking Jello out of the cup using the straw as a way to make Maggie laugh. It worked, maybe a little too well, because Maggie was laughing the cutest hysterical baby laugh I had ever heard. I sucked up one more line of jello out of the cup, and her laugh made me laugh just as I sucked the jello up and the jello went back out the wrong way: my nose. I immediately knew I fucked up. I felt the globs of jello stuck in my nasal cavity, and it was burning like crazy. I started coughing uncontro...