greenmangostudio

We begin our tale first with the fickle mistress of context. I am pale as they come, unblemished by the sun as Sméagol, but with prophylactic vitamin D. Also those in the know about walnut picking will already know that it's largely more "walnut picking up " than say yoinking them off the tree, but then those in the know also already know exactly where this is going and are already laughing at me, so let's get the rest of us all up to speed. Walnuts. Glorious drupes- and yes drupes, the same sort of plant thing as the peach or apricot, or more similarly, the pecan, since what we eat of both of those is the meat inside their pit. Now this begs the question; if they're like peaches, what is their actual fruit like? Well I'm so glad you asked. In a word? Brown. In an actual explanation, certainly unfit for consumption. It has a thick green and lumpy outer skin like you bumped the contrast on an unripe avocado, or perhaps simply a lime bumpy, stippled, and da...

So this morning I was rushing out the door because I overslept. I threw on what I thought were my regular black work shoes, grabbed my bag, and bolted. It wasn’t until I was already at my desk that I realized something felt… off. I looked down and sure enough, I had one plain black dress shoe on my left foot and one slightly fancier black shoe on my right. At first I thought maybe nobody would notice, but within an hour, a coworker walked by, did a double take, and burst out laughing. That was it word spread across the office and suddenly everyone was stopping by to “admire my bold new fashion statement.” I had meetings all day and had no choice but to just own it. Honestly, the embarrassment was real, but it also became a weird icebreaker. Still, lesson learned: don’t get dressed in the dark while half asleep. TL;DR: Rushed to work and didn’t notice I was wearing two different black shoes. Coworkers noticed. Became the office joke of the day.

I'll start this off by saying that, while yes I am a bit of a crybaby, I'm exclusively a sniffler and a lip-trembler, I have never audibly sobbed in front of anyone or anything other than my pillow (over 100 times) and my brother ONCE when I was 13 Now, today I accidentally slammed my finger on the door while I was leaving and my mom called me over to treat it, and while she was treating it, I remembered a previous encounter with my clumsiness which got me into the hospital for a concussion, and while I was dazed and blabbering my brother was taking the best care of me (cuz my gramps didn't make it home yet to take me to the hospital), I was mentioning what happened to my mom and was trying to smile while saying it.. Thing is, my brother is leaving for college in 10 days.. So my train of thought went from: 1- whoops! Another clumsy accident! 2- i remember the last time I had an accident that hurt this much lolz 3- and my brother was there to tend to me till I went to t...

When I was a kid, probably between 8 and 10, I was messing around on my mom’s phone. I went into her camera roll and saw… something. Now, I had zero idea what I was looking at. My brain could not comprehend it. To me, it looked like some kind of horrible, wrinkly, mutant finger. The ugliest finger I had ever seen in my life. Naturally, I did what any responsible big sister would do: I showed my little sister. “Look at this ugly finger.” She agreed. It was hideous. Then I decided to show my mom this cursed finger. Big mistake. Her eyes went wide, she gasped, and then she moved faster than I’d ever seen her move. She grabbed the phone like it was about to explode and deleted the picture right in front of me. When I went back later, it was gone. At the time, I didn’t think too much about it. Years later though, i realized It was not a finger. Not even close. So yeah, I proudly showed my little sister and my mom some random guy’s junk, convinced I had discovered the world’s ugliest f...

For context, my roommate (and best friend) loves toe socks. I found the socks weird at first but have grown to love and accept them as my friend’s iconic accessory. I still joke around by pretending to be weirded out, which usually results in my roommate waving their socks from hell around and me yelling “Put those dogs away!” Or something equally unfunny. Que to last night, I was running around the apartment while my roommate was chasing me around kicking the air with their unholy socks. Now this is where my fuck up began. In the midst of the assault, I decided to retaliate by kicking back. I lifted my normal not toed sock and extended out thinking I would only make contact with air… instead I make contact directly with the toe filled toe socks followed by the most horrendous cracking and popping noise I’ve ever heard to come out of foot. I’m not sure exactly what angle our toes collided but I’m pretty sure my right pinky toe bent towards me and to the side in a way no toe should. ...

Today at the grocery store, I saw a woman struggling to reach something on the top shelf. Feeling like a decent guy, I stretched up to grab it for her. Unfortunately, I misjudged my reach and knocked over an entire row of products. Thank goodness nothing fragile was on the shelf, just boxes of cereal and cans of soup. The crash was loud enough to attract the attention of the entire aisle, and I spent the next few minutes sheepishly picking everything up while the woman stood there, clearly unsure whether she should thank me for helping or just walk away to pretend she didn’t see me. I managed to get everything back in place, but the damage was done. I left the aisle, embarrassed, thinking maybe next time I’ll just stick to grabbing my own groceries and leave the heroics to the professionals. TL;DR: Tried to help a woman reach something on the top shelf, knocked over a row of products, and spent a few awkward minutes cleaning up.

Trigger warning to people who don’t like reading about poop So I’ve been trying to lose a little bit of weight since picking up about 5lbs after starting a new desk job. As anyone else who is trying to get an accurate read on their weight does, I weigh myself right in the morning. Also as anyone else does, I always weigh myself pre and post poop out of curiosity. So I pooped this morning, weighed myself, and was a bit skeptical. I lost half a pound last week and it feels like I should have lost a bit more by now. It also didn’t feel “complete,” if you know what I mean. I got to work and decided a cup of black tea is okay for me to have while intermittent fasting. And of course, black tea has caffeine. And we all know what caffeine tends to do. So I went back to the restroom, which at work has two stalls. I thought I was alone and did my thing. I looked down and said to myself out loud “I knew there was more, that’s at least a half pounder right there!” I flushed and exited the sta...