TIFU by making chili and having an itch

I’ve been trying to expand my culinary horizons and am thinking about enrolling in culinary school to follow a passion instead of my daily slog.

I picked out some recipes and decided to try and kick up chili a little bit, adding some extra chiles and hobaneros. I finished my prep during my lunch break and cleaned up.

Fast forward about two hours, my boy bits had began to itch a little, and without thinking I reached in to itch the little guy and suddenly the fires of hell were unleashed upon an extra sausage today.

As the heat rises I scramble to think of ways to soothe my flaming frankfurter. First thought was, “Milk helps right?” So I wrapped in a cloth soaked in what I was hoping to be delightful dairy relief but instead only delayed the burn until the air touched it again.

As I unwrap the milk the sides head are now a deep shade of purple that started to have me concerned. In a clutch I call out to my google home in search of some great wisdom on how to relieve the burn.

“Martha Stuart dot com says, ‘Acids like lemon juice or vinegar may help provide relief from the burn of capsaicin.” To which I respond, “ Good looking out, Martha.”

My wife anxiously laughing at the situation gets me a bottle of vinegar and I proceed to wrap my willie in a new rag of vinegar which provides relief of about 50 percent.

All within about ten minutes, the color has returned to normal but the pain is still at about a 30%.

TL;DR: Using spicy peppers, hours later I itched my privates. Thats-a-spicy sausage.