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TIFU so i tried to fake being sick to skip work and accidentally made it a whole thing

so i woke up already annoyed saw my schedule and was like yeah no chance im dealing with people today like not even a real reason just one of those days where everything feels like too much and instead of pushing through i go nah ill just call in sick i almost never do it so i figure its not a big deal

i text my manager something simple like ,hey got a stomach bug gonna stay home today, nothing dramatic he replies quick like ,damn that sucks feel better, and im like cool mission accomplished go back to sleep

and then around noon he texts again asking if i can hop on a quick call with hr cuz apparently a few people have had similar symptoms this week and they wanna check if something is going around and im already like oh… ok this is more than i signed up for but whatever

so i get on the call trying to sound low energy but not like im dying and they start asking questions like actual detailed questions when did it start what symptoms fever yes or no what did you eat have you been around these specific coworkers and im sitting there like oh sht this turned into an interview

and instead of backing out i just start improvising like an idoit saying nausea cramps yeah whole package they ask about fever and i go ,yeah probably didnt check but felt like it ,which in hindsight was the dumbest possible thing to say

cuz suddenly theyre like ok we need you to log this properly and you shouldnt come back until youre 48 hours symptom free and my brain just goes wait WAIT thats not what i wanted

then my manager jumps in like yeah lets be safe take the rest of the week if needed and im just sitting there muted like cool great i just promoted myself from ,i dont feel like working today, to full blown biohazard

and now im stuck at home trying to figure out how fast i can recover without it looking suspicious while people keep texting me like bro you good one coworker even offered to bring soup and i feel like absolute garbage cuz now im lying AND getting sympathy

and the worst part is i actually needed the hours this week like i didnt even think that far ahead

so yeah now im in this weird spot where i either commit to being sick for real like method acting this whole thing or show up too soon and look like im full of sht all because i didnt feel like dealing with one shift

TL;DR: faked a mild stomach bug to skip one day of work, accidentally triggered workplace health protocol and now i’m forced to stay home longer while everyone thinks i’m seriously ill

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