greenmangostudio

So I have a coworker who I've worked with for about 6 months and she's pretty chill but I wouldn't say we're friends. A couple of days ago she texted me saying she was running late because of a family emergengy and asked if I wouldn't mind clocking her in since she didn't want to be in trouble for being late. I really contemplated doing it since I know I could get in trouble for it, but I figured it was a family emergency which I sympathized with, and she's never asked for anything like this before. So I waited a few minutes and clocked her in about 5 minutes after her shift was supposed to start, but she ended up being over 30 minutes late which really had me regretting my decision to help her. Once she got in she was very apologetic and appreciated me helping her. I said no worries and we moved on. Today my manager pulled me aside to talk about some inconsistencies with the time logs. Apparently our system actually tracks when we log into our workstation ...

My friend’s 8 yo daughter was commenting on how she wished she had a figure like mine. I’m lean and athletic. I suggested she find an activity she enjoys doing- dance, a sport, even just a game like tag. I’m said that because I enjoy the sport I do I don’t even think about exercise because I’m just having fun with my friends. That without thinking I was gaining muscle and losing fat. That it was funny because I ate twice as much because my body needed the fuel but because of the activity I never had to think about how much I eat. Turn out the kid was starting to develop body image issues and her parents wanted these conversations to stay at “you are beautiful the way you are”. I crossed a line. They said it was not an appropriate discussion. Tl;dr my friend’s 8 yo daughter was wishing she was lean like me and I suggested she find an activity to get her moving instead of affirming that she is beautiful the way she is

Long story short, I was pregnant and signed up for my benefits. Completely forgot about it bc I had the baby a few days after signing up for said benefits and FSA, I went into maternity leave and stopped having 8 hours of sleep. Anyways, I had to leave my job and today is my last day of benefits, which means today is my last day to use the FSA as well. Today is when I remembered I had the account. 500 dollars. So as anyone would do, I started filling up my Amazon cart with FSA eligible items, all good right? I caught it early right? WRONG Amazon post charges as pre authorization until they ship items. Which even tho I ordered today, my FSA won’t see it as a purchased until the day Amazon decides to ship the items. I could have bought it from the FSA store and it would’ve shown it was bought today. Why won’t they just charge when I placed the order? TLDR: forgot I had a FSA account and could’ve used/saved 500 dollars for FSA eligible items if I didn’t buy thru Amazon.

I was heading home from overseas. I came to know that you can use GPS in flight mode since the GPS function only receives satellite signals and doesn't emit them. I remember back in the early 2010s planes had screens with the speed and map on them. I missed that so I downloaded a GPS speedometer logging app. I turned it on just before takeoff. The throttle was on full and as the speed exceeded 150kph, the bloody GPS app thought I was a reckless speeding driver and made a loud, quick beeping alarm, which sounded a bit like a bomb timer just before it explodes. One lady panicked and stood up while the flight attended yelled at her to sit down. I quickly turned off the app while my neighbours looked at me suspiciously. TL;DR: Used GPS speedometer app during takeoff, app thought I was speeding and made a loud beeping alarm, lady panicked and stood up, lady got told to sit down, I turned the app off.

I (M25) recently got a new job in Colombia with the IT firm I work for. It came with a promotion I worked really hard for, so I was excited to make the jump. For context, I’m a white dude from the Midwest who speaks minimal Spanish. Luckily I have one college friend who is Colombian and he’s been showing me around. I’ve only been here about a month, and there’s definitely been a lot of culture shock… especially with the nightlife. Back home I was never really someone who went out much, but I figured while I’m here I should push myself and experience it. This past weekend I went out with my college friend and some of his friends. First thing I noticed: when he said “friends,” there were about 15 people. I was expecting maybe one or two. But the real surprise was the nightclub. I had never seen people dance like that before. Everyone was grinding on everyone. I was basically just standing there staring at the dance floor in awe, trying to process what I was seeing. While I was wat...

So I have ADHD and I forgot to take my meds today. My ADHD causes me to forget things almost instantly and im also dumb as fuck. I decided to wear a pad today to school even tho I usually wear tampons (huge mistake). So normally if I was on my period and changing a tampon I would straight away wrap it in toilet paper and throw it in the trash, but I was wearing a pad so when I was changing it I looked in my bag and thought I didnt take any spare pads with me and there was nobody I couldve asked for a pad. I set it on the sink for some reason to maybe clean up a little and put toilet paper on it and call it a day. (I was desperate okay, no judgement) Then I realised that I actually did have an extra pad and then put it on. I went to wash my hands and some fucking how didnt notice my blood stained clotty pad on the sink and walked out. A guy I rejected last year went in there after me, came out almost instantly and yelled: “(my name) you forgot your bloody pad on the sink, you dirty b*t...

My gf said she wanted to try something different in the bedroom and suggested that I fuck her in her sleep. I didn't understand how that would be enjoyable for her at all, but she said it sounded kinky to wake up in the middle of the night with me inside of her. I shrugged and said I was willing to do it if she was into it. Cut to last night. My gf was asleep. It was go time. I kissed her on the mouth because that's where I normally start when we have regular sex, but I stopped when she bit my tongue in her sleep. It hurt but I was okay. The tiddies were next. Sucking her cute little tits was one of my favourite things to do, but I was used to hearing her moaning instead of snoring and saying random shit like "brain syrup" and "liquid clouds." Oral was next. Eating her out was gonna wake her up. I was convinced. Somehow, she didn't wake up because of me eating her out. She only woke up because I reacted to her unexpectedly peeing in my mouth. It was a ...

OG post. Gym bro messaged me this morning and asked if I was keen to come over in the afternoon. Dude got my number from the group chat for our apartment complex. I said I was working from home today, so it was possible, but I had a lot of work to do. I was just being polite. I didn't actually plan to return to apartment 6 because I didn't feel like seeing gym bro again so soon. I was planning to tell him I got busy or whatever, but I changed my mind when he said he wanted to share his list of prime suspects he believed slipped the noise complaint letter under my door the other day. I said okay. Cut to me sitting inside gym bro's apartment with the rest of his gym buddies. Gym bro provided the names of two prime suspects he referred to as an incel and a Karen. Not really a list like he said, but at least he was invested, which I kind of appreciated. The gym bros leaned towards the so called incel who lived in apartment 9. I thanked the gym bros for pointing me in the rig...

Throwaway because my friends know I’m online and I’m too shamed to have this tied back to me. This happened a while back now but I haven’t told anyone apart from my family. This happened around dinner time. My cat wasn’t home, like he usually is, so I looked out my window to see if I could spot him. That’s when I noticed something lying on the grass near our front garden. At first, I couldn’t quite tell what it was, but as I went outside, I realised it was a black cat. For context, we have a black cat named Toto. He’s a little crazy, cute, very outdoorsy but normally very predictable. He always comes home at the same time every night, so seeing him, or what looked like him, lying there was terrifying. I went closer and immediately shouted for my mum who picked him up and it was instant tears for all of us. It was clear he had already passed, likely hit by a car. My aunt, who lives 2 minutes away, came over because we were all too shocked and traumatized to even think properly. Sh...

This happened a few days ago. My work paid for a +1 event at a sports game. I remember hearing that my coworker usually came to the games with her dad, so I believe this contributed to the mental gymnastics that my brain decided to perform... I saw my coworker with with a girl and convinced myself that this was her mom because, of course she could only possibly be there with one of her parents, right? Totally...... I had a couple of drinks and I was super tired after a long work week, so this didn't help me maintain my normal social filter. When I stopped by where my coworker and her friend were sitting, instead of introducing my myself like a normal human being, I decided to ask my coworker, "is this your mom?" right in front of both of them. I am just...so stupid sometimes... My coworker laughed it off thankfully. She imitated her friend saying, "I'm leaving!" and replied to me, "No, haha... this is my friend." I apologized profusely and expla...

I recently attended a 4-day wedding. Met a guy on the first day and instantly hit it off. We spent the rest of the wedding hanging out and yesterday, his last night here, I went back to his hotel room. We had sex, it was great, slept for a couple hours, woke up and were at it again. He asked me to turn around like in a sexy commanding way and idk wtf was going through my mind (probably lack of sleep and alcohol) but I started singing (I can’t sing) “Every now and then I get a little bit lonely.” The guy was like ?????? I apologized and explained it’s a song. He was like okkaaaaay in a weirded out way but to his credit, was still down to smash. So he is hitting it from behind and idk why but I brought up the song again, saying it’s a classic and he’d like it. And randomly remembered a similar incident with my ex (not during sex) where he had jumped in and we sang the song together. Honestly a really nice memory that made me miss my ex and I started crying!!!!!!!!!!!! The guy immedia...

My gf and I moved into our new apartment recently. We had sex. As couples do. A few days later, I got home from work and found my gf waiting for me with a handwritten letter in her hand. She said someone slipped the letter underneath our front door while no one was home. Then she read the letter out loud. It said EVERYONE in the apartment building could hear us having sex. It was signed "apartment 6." My gf and I were embarrassed and debated whether we should go to apartment 6 and apologise. I decided it was the perfect situation for me to show my gf that I'm an adult, so I said I was gonna go to apartment 6 and clear the air. Fast forward to me knocking on apartment 6. The door opened. A jacked gym bro looking dude appeared in front of me. I introduced myself and said I moved in next door. The gym bro welcomed me to the apartment and asked if I wanted to come in. I said it was okay and apologised for the noises he heard. The gym bro looked confused and asked what I wa...

This did actually happen today. I got myself one of those Nasalfresh MD things, basically a sinus flushing system that both pushes water in and sucks it out the other side into a waste water tank. Figured it'd work better if my sinuses were stuffed up to where a regular neti pot just didn't work. Been using a neti pot for years as I have seasonal allergies and using it daily/every other day really helps. Anyway, part of the instructions for this thing say to use the 'gentle' mode for the first month then work up. The third mode is called power wash in the manual. So, I read the instructions, watch the videos, get all set up, turn it on and...not much happens. I can feel a little suction but can't feel the salt water moving. I take the thing out of my nose, just press the button and wait to see how the water flows. It seems to be sort of trickling out, which seems weird. But, ok, water is flowing, I just need to be patient and my nose is a little stuffed up any...

I was making my toddler and myself lunch, and rushing as usual because she’s always hurrying to eat. I was trying to avoid the wrath of the bully and instead bullied myself I was trying to pull a spoon out of the drawer and close it quickly. I somehow hooked the inner part of my index finger on a fork while the drawer was closing, lifting the fork and increasing the pressure of it. I managed to open the drawer after a few seconds of excruciating pain. The fork scraped layers of skin away until it got down to the meat… I couldn’t stand to wash it so i put a band aid on as fast as humanely possible. I’m scared of my utensil drawer now. I don’t even understand how this happened to me TLDR: a fork got caught on my finger and scraped layers off.. it hurts.

Quick update to my own dumb story from last week: I decided to get extra organized for our next Florida park day. Between school drop offs, work, and trying to keep the grocery bill from becoming a horror story, I started a Sunday routine of portioning everything into grab-and-go bags. I even made a little offline checklist on my phone with sections like "car snacks", "stroller bin", and "emergency bribery". I felt pretty proud of myself. Earlier, I had bought whole espresso beans for my mornings and left the bag on the same counter where I was assembling snack packs. I meant to move it. I did not move it. Fast forward to today: we are running late, everyone is hungry, and we are stuck in the car line at school. My kid asks for a snack. I reach into the tote I packed, grab what I assume is a bag of chocolate covered something, and hand it over without looking because I am also trying to find a missing water bottle and sign a field trip form on my knee. ...

This actually happened a while ago, but I suddenly remembered it today and had a good laugh about it while reminiscing with my fiancé. Okay so it was late at night and we were in bed and I started feeling him up as I was laying on his chest. I started getting really tired, but I still wanted to follow through because I ain't no quitter. We were talking to each other and he said "I love you," but according to him, I was out cold before I could finish saying I loved him too. I knew I was tired, but damn. He told me he just layed there for a second contemplating life, removed my hand and pulled his underwear back up and went to sleep. Later when I woke up, I mentioned how tired I was last night and then he told me what happened. I honestly thought he was joking at first, but nope. I was so embarrassed. TL;DR: I was jerking off my fiancé one night and fell asleep mid sentence.

I (19M) recently moved out with the little money I had and now live in a pretty crappy apartment complex in the downtown area of my city. The location isn’t great, but the price for the size of the apartment is a steal, and the rent is cheap, so I don’t really care. My floor isn’t too bad. I live next to a single mom (46F) and her teenage son (14M) and daughter (18F), and on the other side there’s an old couple who smoke cannabis indoors (they’re chill). This started a couple of weeks after Christmas. It was clear that the mom had gotten her son some kind of game console, along with some competitive games. Late at night, he would start screaming some of the most racist, homophobic, and sexually offensive things I’ve ever heard. The level of detail was genuinely repulsive. It would usually begin around 2 a.m. and last until 4 or sometimes even 5 a.m. It was horrifying. He’d scream racist r*** threats at the top of his lungs at 3 a.m., then greet me the next morning like he wa...

Tifu paranoid android is probably one of my fav songs of Radiohead, I didn't know about its music video till today and I found it really bizarre and dense, and today in the bus idk why but I told her I saw this really strange music video of a song I really like and made her see it, she was probably disgusted and judging me so bad, I really thought she'd take it just as a bizarre video but now it seems my impression is no more than a porn addict- PLUS SHE HATED THE SONG MATE like she probably doesn't even listen english music mostly bollywood stuff only and she found the song weird too and now I'm just nothing but a weirdo for her, so I today I kind of fucked up, this just makes me realize that the current media has probably normalized sex everywhere- movies, tv shows, music video such that some people like me don't even care about it and thinks it's just some regular music video TL;DR: Made my crush watch paranoid android music video because I thought it was s...

It's 6am freezing outside, barely slept and I already skipped the gym twice this week so I'm forcing myself to go. Walk into the kitchen to grab my pre and realize I finished it and forgot to reorder. Fckn awesome. My roommate has this pouch on the counter that looks exactly like a Momentous pack. Clean white packaging just says fast acting, natural ingredients, the usual supplement buzzwords. I grab two tablets and chew them on the drive over on an empty stomach. Whatever let's go. First 20 minutes normal started squat sets and I start getting warm flushed, heart thumping harder, skin tingling. I'm there thinking okay this pre hits different I kinda like it ngl. Then it happens full situation in basketball shorts on a wednesday at planet fitness surrounded by old people doing morning cardio and it is NOT going away. Soo i spent the next 2 hours doing the most creative workout of my life. Half assing abs just to stay seated. Hoodie held in front of me like a shield at...

This happened over Thanksgiving but I'm still dealing with the fallout. My family was sitting around after dinner and somehow we got on the topic of finances. My dad was complaining about people my age not knowing how to save money. My cousin mentioned she's struggling with debt. And I, like an absolute idiot, said "yeah I don't get how people end up in debt, just don't spend more than you make." Everyone looked at me like I was some financial genius. My aunt asked how much I have saved. I said "decent amount" which they interpreted as way more than I actually have. Now my entire family thinks I'm the responsible one who has their life together financially. Reality: I have $6,200 in credit card debt across two cards. My savings account has $340 in it. I've been living paycheck to paycheck for like 3 years. But I couldn't backtrack after acting like I had it all figured out without looking like a complete liar and idiot. Now my par...

TIFU. And honestly I knew from the moment he stood in that doorway. So I matched with this guy on Tinder. Thought he was kinda cute, swiped right. He opened with his green and red flags and we talked about that for a while. We decided to meet at a park near his place. He wanted me to just come over but I said “I’d rather meet somewhere public so I know you ain’t a serial killer lol” and he reluctantly agreed with a “but why wouldn’t you wanna watch a movie at my place.” I gave my reasoning and he said okay. I was nervous, as anyone would be. When I saw him, guys, he stands like the “you know you had to do it to em” guy. Think Alex Warren… but from Goodwill. Profile was clean-shaven. Man had a full neckbeard in person. We start walking and I explain I’m demiromantic because he mentioned wanting to kiss me. He leans in, I pull back, he apologizes, I say it’s okay and we keep walking. Then he goes “I’ve never met a woman that doesn’t kiss on the first date.” I said “now you have!” We...

Tale as old as time and not at all surprising. Cute bartender at the college bar I visit had me starstruck and we were talking for a little before an actual "date" was scheduled. Idk if I came on too strong or expected too much but he sent me a message saying he didn't think it was gonna work and that was that. That was last year and I've seen him outside of the bar on campus a few times and we are polite, but it still burns me. Idk what's going on with me lately but I think the loneliness and boredom were getting to me and against my better judgement I sent him a text asking if he was gonna be at the bar tonight. Wasn't sure he'd respond but 30 minutes later he did with "Yes I will" and I asked if it would be okay if I joined him for a bit. No response yet, and I'm not sure why I'm even doing this. I don't like drinking and I'm not even that hungry. I hate that even after the ghosting and awkward shit that happened I still wan...

So I have been getting into the habit of taking cold showers, getting up early, embracing discomfort, etc which involves a certain amount of pain. I've watched attack on titan where the main guy needs to bite himself and draw blood from his hand which looked super painful but kinda cool. I tried to do that out of curiosity but I couldn't get to the point where I drew blood. I also know people cut themselves out of serious depression and I don't want to minimize that at all. It's horrible. But out of curiosity I wanted to see my pain tolerance, essentially to see how tough I was so I got out a pocket knife and cut myself on the arm a few times until I was bleeding pretty good. It did hurt but it wasn't the worst pain I've ever experienced, so I felt pretty good that I was able to take it. In any case, I completely neglected the fact that I would look like I cut myself out of depression instead of for fun, so when my mom got home, her eyes shot right to the cut...

This happened three days ago and I want to move to a different country. There’s this guy in my friend group. we've been friends for like a year and a half, nothing weird, except lately it felt like something shifted. or I thought it did. he was texting more, finding reasons to sit next to me, did this thing where he'd fix my hood when it was half stuck in my jacket collar which like. who does that platonically. WHO. So last friday we're at a pregame at our mutual friend's place, it gets late, people leave, and it's just me and him on the couch. close. talking about nothing. and he gets this look on his face, kind of soft, kind of serious, leaning slightly and going quiet mid-sentence. I have never been more sure of anything in my life. I kissed him. he did not kiss me back. not like he pushed me away, he just. froze. and then pulled back a little and did this sharp exhale and said "oh." one syllable. oh. I wanted to dissolve into the couch cushion...

So today I confirmed what my response is to the life long question of “are you a fight or flight person?” I’m sitting at this random nature preserve waiting to pick up my younger brother (10), and I realize I have to pee like… aggressively. Like this is not a “wait another 30 minutes” situation. This is a “decisions are about to be made” situation. I look around and there is nothing out here. No buildings, no people, it was basically just an open field on the side of a busy streets right before the woods, where you can park to wait to pick up the kids. At the time it was just me, my poor choices, and one suspiciously lonely porta potty sitting in the distance like it’s been waiting for me specifically. So I’m like, you know what? In and out. Quick mission. What could possibly go wrong. I sit down, minding my business, everything is fine. I’m thinking I made a great decision. Then. I reach for the toilet paper. As I unfurl the roll time slows down and the next moments literally ...

TIFU by clogging my new friend’s toilet and possibly messing it up I (19F) was hanging out at my new friend Macy’s (18F) house. We have a college art class together where we meet on Tuesdays to critique homework we did over the weekend, then get new homework on Thursday and repeat. This time we had to draw peppers. I didn’t want to buy peppers I wasn’t going to use, so I went to her house to do the assignment. Her boyfriend Jay (around 22M I think) was also there. Quick note: I’m really bad at writing, so I originally talked this whole story into a notes app and used ChatGPT to help format it. The story itself is mine. We were just sitting, talking, working on the assignment. At some point I asked Macy specifically which bathroom would be best for pooping. She kind of giggled and was like, “Uh… all of them I guess,” and pointed me to one. I go in, do my business, and it was… a large situation. I thought about asking her for a plastic knife, but I was like no, that’s embarrassing, ...

This memory comes back to haunt me every once in a while, so I thought maybe someone else would find joy in it. Last Christmas, I (22F at that time) attended the holiday party of the company I work for, which was at a local bar. I had been with for a year at that time, and I was doing my best to talk to my coworkers and form some friendships. Because of my role, I tend to only really talk to a handful of people in the company, and I struggle talking to new people because I’m not a bubbly or outgoing person. I don’t have social anxiety, I just prefer observing; I’ve always been described as quiet. But I’ve been trying to expand my circle of friends. I ended up standing in a group with the one girl at my work that I do have some sort of a significant friendship with and some people I’ve visually deemed as ‘cool’ but never actually talked to. I was enjoying listening and nodding along to the conversation, and I heard this really cool woman (probably mid 30’s with a lot of awesome tatto...

This actually happened last night, but I'm still fairly upset about it. I was picking up my son from high school yesterday around 3:30 pm. As we were heading to get my daughter from work, my son said he was hungry and wanted to stop at McDonald's for some nuggets. When we got there, he willingly decided he would buy everyone an early dinner, his treat. He bought burgers, fries, drinks and nuggets for 4 people. It was a nice thing for him to do. The problem was, earlier that morning, I had my husband put meatballs and spaghetti sauce in the crockpot to use with the spaghetti noodles I would cook when we came home from work and school. I had completely forgotten about it. Spaghetti and meatballs is also this son's absolute favorite meal. I didn't remember at all until we walked thru the door and we could smell the food cooking. I felt awful for letting him spend money on something we didn't need since we had not only dinner cooking, but his favorite meal almost re...

TIFU bad. Woke up this morning feeling great and ready to start my day. took my morning medicine with the rest of a plastic water bottle that was next to my bed and decided i needed more water so i grabbed my water bottle with a straw. BIG MISTAKE. I take a big sip and boom I feel something moving in my mouth, I immediately spit it it out to see a big spider that was previously in my straw and now mouth. It runs around my bed as I am having an absolute meltdown and I jump off my bed and run to the bathroom to rinse my mouth out with everything I can find (water, mouthwash, toothpaste). I am in tears at this point. I look back at my bed and the spider is gone: I contemplate just burning everything at this point. Through my tears i manage to get all of the bedding into the washing machine before i throw up. I then proceed to throw up, cry some more and get ready for work. The worst part is I showed my friend a video of this exact situation happening on tiktok the night before. I am now ...

So last month I (43m) got sick and took some cough medicine. I noticed the cough medicine made me feel better so I kept taking it. I talked to my friends and family about taking the cough medication and they told me I can stop now. I kept taking it anyway before eventually realizing I might have a problem with it. So TIFU by I posted it on the a sub reddit called r/dxm (a group about cough medicine) and was immediately banned. (it was actually yesterday. I'm kinda of really bummed because I thought this was going to be one of those times reddit helps someone like the guy with the carbon monoxide and instead was just banned. The cough medicine made me sleep while I was awake or maybe it made me dream while it was awake or maybe awake while I was dreaming. I was'nt sure so I started writing everything down so I can reflect back on it .I haven't taken any cough medication today... about 36 hours now. TL;DR: took too much cough medicine and got banned from a subreddit about...

So this didn’t happen today but a few days ago and I’m still recovering from the embarrassment. I’m part of this tight friend group, and like most groups, we have a private GC where we joke around, rant, and sometimes… roast each other pretty hard. Nothing super mean, just the kind of stuff you’d never say out loud because tone matters a lot. Anyway, we were all hanging out at a café, just chilling. At some point, one of my friends asked to see a meme I mentioned earlier. Without thinking, I opened my phone and went straight to the group chat to find it. The problem is, I completely forgot that the last messages were us joking about THAT SAME FRIEND sitting right in front of me. And of course, the exact moment I handed over my phone, the screen showed a message like “bro thinks he’s the main character again” followed by a bunch of laughing emojis. There was this immediate awkward silence. He just slowly looked up at me like… seriously? I tried to laugh it off and say it was just ...

This didn’t happen today but I’m still recovering mentally. I was walking into a store and saw someone smiling and waving directly at me from across the parking lot. I had my headphones in, felt kinda main-character for a second, and immediately waved back… like a full, enthusiastic wave. They kept walking. Still smiling. Still waving. So now I’m thinking “oh they must really know me” and I DOUBLE DOWN. I point at myself like “me??” and do that awkward half-laugh wave combo. That’s when I noticed the person behind me. They walk past me, straight to the waver, and they hug. I’m still mid-wave. We make eye contact. All three of us. And instead of stopping like a normal person, my brain decided the best option was to just… keep walking while slowly lowering my hand like nothing happened. I have never felt my soul leave my body that fast. tl;dr: waved back at someone who wasn’t waving at me, escalated it into a full interaction, and accidentally became a background character ...

So after waking at 6am and realising I had an easy rest day, no gym, no fam time, no obligations. I decided to fire up red dead redemption 2 after breakfast and get lost in the sweet world of being a cowboy for the morning. I've been playing it in first person view, talk about complete immersion. I wasn't overly thirsty, yet still for some dumbass reason in 4 hours sank about 6 pints of water, as well as having two 600ml pots of green tea, 200ml of milk in a protein shake, and 300ml in a blend of apples and blackberries with my breakfast eggs. Little did I know what I was in for. Around half 10 I all of a sudden feel very nauseous, and spacey. I originally put it down to not eating for 4 hours since breakfast, not a usual feeling of hunger but I did not consider the vast amount of liquid to be the cause. My vision then started to get blurry, I don't need glasses but I couldn't see right from distance, then up close. It felt like I was wearing soaking wet socks and glo...

I absolutely love my significant other and feel we have a great relationship. TIFU by calling my ex’s name during a pool match. Said “great shot “ex”” instead of my significant other’s name. He heard but waited and brought it up later after the match and we talked about it. I apologized profusely, said it was a slip up, and honestly I have no feelings for the ex. I think my lizard brain just kicked in at the moment. I wish I could blame it on alcohol but wasn’t drunk. What can I do to make things right? Just time? He is truly amazing and I would love to make things up to him. And also not slip up like this in the future. It hurts both of us. TL;DR : said my ex’s name instead of my significant other’s during a match, want to make things right.

So i went to go pay one of my buddies in an apartment complex a visit. More specifically went to go drop off dog food at his place. Quick errand, 5 min side quest. There are a whole bunch of tenant spots around, yet no visitor parking, so I thought “quick 5 mins then ill leave. nobody will be the wiser” Boy was i wrong. I have now been sitting in my car for about an hour and half, blocked off waiting for the owner to return and move his truck. It’s completely blocking me off, I have no way out. Tried contacting the office, closed on weekends. Tried contacting after hours maintenance, no help from them. So Im just sitting here waiting lol. I understand I messed up hard, and the consequences are also fitting. I can’t help but laugh at the situation, if i were the owner of the spot id probably do the same thing lol. Also side note, I can’t get my buddy to help, he’s in a different building than the one i parked at. He also had some other thing to go to as well. Im definitely gonna ...

I (18M) had a very embarrassing experience earlier today. I was at an ATM in a room with several machines, and as I was leaving, a man came in with his daughter. She wandered a bit, and he told her to come back. At the same time, another man walked past with his young son. I mistakenly assumed the first man was the father of both children. So when the little boy kept walking with his actual father, I thought he was straying, and I reacted without thinking and picked him up. Almost immediately, I realized my mistake and put him back down. I apologized, and the father seemed to take it lightly and even laughed a bit, but I have not been able to shake the feeling since. I keep thinking about the fact that I touched someone else’s child without permission, and it makes me feel awful. TL;DR: I accidentally snatched up a child from their parent thinking I was helping a child wondering off, I was mistaken. Nobody was harmed and the dad laughed it off but I still feel like an idiot.

tifu by learning my boss has zero sense of humor. I work at a small restaurant where weird conversations just happen during slow hours. Yesterday he pulled me aside, opened a supply closet, and dramatically showed me a big bag of salt like it was contraband for whatever reason. Then he laughed and asked, “have you ever done coke?” I thought he was serious and, trying to match the energy, I pulled out a tiny bag of fentanyl from my pocket and said, “yeah, have you ever done fentanyl?” His face went completely pale. Turns out he was not serious at all. He immediately called the cops, customers stared, and I got fired on the spot before I even understood how badly I misread the moment. Now I’m jobless, embarrassed, replaying it nonstop, wishing I had just laughed and walked away. TL;DR: misread my boss’s joke about coke, made an even worse joke back, cops got called and I got fired.

so i recently this week started and took some of my dads weed. this sounds like utter bullshit but I have some friends who eanna do weed, I said I wouldn't but would help them and decided to learn as much as I could so I have researched bowls, bongs, how to pack etc etc, but my family has a history of drugs and i never used the weed but I would pour it down the sink once grinded so he probably thinks I smoked it. he caught me this morning snd said lets have a chat so I will this afternoon, but I used to always lie and have boy who cried wolf myself so im almost certain he won't believe me and will tell my family im living with atm, but he would tell them I smoked it when I didnt, just very worried and need some help. tldr; took some weed to practise packing with etc, got caught snd no idea what to do.

A coworker was explaining a process I didn’t fully understand. I nodded along, doing the usual “yeah yeah” to avoid looking clueless. At the end, they said, “Does that make sense?” I said, confidently, “Yeah, totally.” Big mistake. They immediately followed with, “Great, can you walk the team through it later?” I agreed. Hours later, I found myself standing in front of people trying to explain something I barely understood. I started strong, repeating phrases I remembered, but as soon as someone asked a follow-up question, everything fell apart. I ended up saying, “It’s kind of… a flow situation,” which means nothing. Afterward, the original coworker gently said, “Next time just say you’re unsure.” I will. Forever. TL;DR: Pretended to understand something and got assigned to explain it to others.

A friend brought homemade chili to a small hangout and warned everyone, multiple times, that it was “pretty spicy.” Now, I like spicy food. Or at least I thought I did. So when everyone else took cautious little spoonfuls, I decided to prove something to absolutely no one and filled my bowl like it was a normal meal. First bite: fine. Second bite: okay, noticeable. Third bite: mistake. It hit me all at once. Not just heat, full body betrayal. My ears got hot, my eyes started watering, and my nose decided it was time to participate in the situation. I tried to play it cool, nodding like “yeah this is good,” while internally negotiating with whatever higher power handles poor decisions. Someone asked, “You okay?” and I said, “Yeah, it’s not that bad,” right before my voice cracked and I started sweating like I was in a sauna. I didn’t want to waste food or admit defeat, so I kept eating. I finished the bowl. I should not have finished the bowl. The next hour was me sitting ve...

This started as one of those random self-improvement moments. I was at my desk and suddenly became hyper-aware that I sit like a shrimp. Back curved, neck forward, shoulders doing whatever they want. So I thought, okay, I’m going to fix this. Right now. New me. I straightened up. Shoulders back, chest out, core engaged. I even Googled “correct sitting posture” and tried to match the diagram like I was being graded. At first it felt great. Like I had unlocked some kind of adult achievement. Then my brain decided that if I relaxed even slightly, I’d immediately revert back to being a shrimp forever. So I didn’t relax. For three hours. I sat there rigid like a museum mannequin. Didn’t lean back, didn’t shift, didn’t even reach for my water properly because that would break “form.” My coworker asked if I was okay because I hadn’t moved in a while and I said, through clenched abs, “I’m fixing my posture.” Eventually I stood up and my entire body locked up. My back cramped, my legs f...

So this happened when I was in 10th grade, which I know is very late for this but still. In my family we were prohibited from drinking coffee, like at all. We weren't Mormon or anything, but my mom had a huge coffee addiction and thought that if we started we would also have or something, idk. Anyways, one day I found her secretly hidden coffee that was already grinded. And the next time I had an exam and was pulling an all-nighter I got the coffee, poured hot water and made it next to an open window to make sure my mom wouldn't smell it. I drank the entire thing and was left with the coffee grounds which I thought were part of the coffee and I had to drink it. It tasted disgusting, but I knew that coffee tasted really bitter, so I thought that that was the bitter part. And all through out that year I would do my nighttime secret ritual when I had an exam or had to stay up late for any reason and all those times I would drink the coffee grounds even though they tasted absolut...

My toddler likes to listen to music on his CD player before bed, and he recently asked for a specific genre of music. I got a CD from our local library for him to listen to. Well, he LOVES it and it is what he listens to EVERY NIGHT. I went to the band website to see if I could buy the CD before we have to return it to the library, and they only sell their new CDs. So now he loves this CD that I know I’ll have to return soon and I have to find one on a resell page to buy our own. Libraries are amazing resources but just be prepared to have to buy your own version or have a hard conversation/tantrum in the future 🥴 TL;DR TIFU by using a library CD in toddler’s bedtime routine and now I have to pay $$ to buy one used since the band doesn’t produce them anymore

obligatory "this didn't happen today" So I'm an amusement park kind of guy but most of my friends either actively dislike them or don't like them enough to pay to go and like sit in traffic. I had this coworker (30sF. at the time I was 35m) who I wasn't like friends friends with but definitely pre-friends and one day we're talking and she mentions she also likes amusement parks. So I say we should go sometime to which she says "great? can I bring my boyfriend?" (in retrospect i think she didn't realize I WASN'T asking her on a date, parks are just less boring when you're with a friend) so I say "sure sounds great" and we make plans to meet at the park. here's where the FU happens. she's cool and all but her boyfriend? that dude was AWESOME. 5 minutes in him and I are getting along like a house on fire, turns out we have a lot of similar interests and we're just having a great time the way 2 dudes can immediate...

so there is a guy at work. lets call him K K says "circling back" constantly in every meeting. sometimes twice in the same sentence. "so just circling back on that, before we circle back to the main point." i started noticing it maybe 4 months ago and now i cannot unhear it. it has ruined meetings for me entirely so as a joke, purely for my own amusement, I vibe coded a mini wabi app in 10 mins. every time K says "circling back" i tap the screen. It tracks daily counts, shows me a weekly graph, gives me a personal best notification I showed two colleagues mistake they immediately wanted to use it too, i shared the link. Not a big deal right within two days there were 9 of us silently tapping our phones every time K spoke. we have a group chat now. someone made a weekly leaderboard for highest count. someone else added a feature request for "to be honest" because apparently kate from finance says it 11 times a meeting and felt left out Rec...

WANRING:CNC TIFU by trying something new with my bf. We were hanging out before going to a wedding, and we start hanky panky. He likes the other hole a lot, iykyk. I don’t mind it, it just causes lava to come out after so I don’t really do it, and he doesn’t know how to prep so it hurts the few times we’ve tried. So I bought some liquid to help out. Anyways, we’re getting to business, and he starts putting his fingers in. Fine with me. Then he pulls out and ask if he can just do the tip. I cave in, and after a minute or so I tell him to stop bc it hurts. He’s all like “you’re okay baby”. He stops like two minutes later and we get back to it. Later that day I went to use the bathroom, wiped and there was blood. But it wasn’t dark like period blood and I had already got my period. He ripped it. I got so mad at him and he cried and apologized when I told him, but yeah, that’s how I fu. TL;DR: ripped my hole EDIT: he is not the only one who’s ignored a “no”. I’ve initiated w him whenever...

TIFU (this happened last night, but I had to get it off my chest.) Hopefully it never happens again, but I'm sure it will because my brain is stupid sometimes. I am not on social media 24/7 or anything, but I get a lot of cat-related videos that come across my feed, and I love the little dopamine hits from looking at cute kitties. One of my favorites right now is Gumbus, who really enjoys her lickable Churu treats, and if you haven't seen her you really need to. I would say cat content is probably easily 50% of the total content I see on social media. This is the preface to my true FU. Last night laying in bed with my husband, we were ramping up for round two. We were doing a little touching, and just casually (sexily) talking about different things we find hot, or want to try someday, and just letting conversation flow. As couples do in between sessions, you know? One of the things that's recently been on our radar (recently as in, like just yesterday it came up) has be...

obligatory this happened last week. my roommate's boyfriend basically lives with us, 4-5 nights a week. i noticed my $60 vitamin C serum going down way faster than it should. thought i was imagining it. so i set up a small camera facing my bathroom shelf. just my shelf, not anything weird. caught him on video using my entire skincare routine every single visit. cleanser, serum, moisturizer. the works. this man has been doing a full skincare routine with my products for two months. i showed my roommate the footage. she called me controlling for having a camera. he said it's "just skincare." i told him he's not allowed over until he replaces everything. now they're both furious and i'm sitting here wondering if i actually overreacted or if a grown man stealing a stranger's skincare routine for two months is genuinely insane. TL;DR: installed a camera to catch a thief, caught him, now i'm the villain apparently.

So actually on Sunday I fucked up. I had musical tickets (for Beauty and the Beast) and was sure the musical was happening in the evening. I was gonna go with my parents and the day before and even during the day we texted about the musical we were going to see in the evening. Only when I went to check what time we should head out for dinner (because dinner is nice before a musical) I realised the musical was actually at 3pm. By that time it was - unfortunately- 4pm. The worst part about it is that I’m a wheelchair user and the wheelchair tickets are especially hard to get. You have to email the venue to get those tickets. So we couldn’t just book for another day. This was my Christmas present, too. TL;DR I didn’t check what time my musical tickets were for, missed out on Beauty and the Beast

This was just this past weekend. There is a girl (27f) I’ve (36m) been dating for about 2 months. We slept together on the first date and the relationship started very sexual, but eventually turned a bit romantic. We were drinking with friends and playing Never have i ever, and it came up in a room full of mostly her friends that i have a secret talent. I’m not excessively large or flexible, but was gifted with the talent of being able to suck my own dick. The reaction to this was rather mixed, as it normally is, but my date actually was really into it. She whispered that she was jealous i was holding out and she wants to see. I’ve never done it for anyone. It’s not the most flattering position, and yeah, i mean, it’s sucking a dick. So we go back to my place and we’re kissing and she tells me she wants to see. So I get in position and show her and she straight up starts laughing a little. I ask if she can help me with it, and she kind of does but then says “i can’t” and keeps kind ...

I (25m) have been travelling Thailand the past 6 weeks (no this is not going where you’re thinking) and for the first time today i had a real romantic connection with a girl on the beach. She was from Germany and was completely stunning. I was genuinely a little taken back by how attractive she was as I noticed her struggling to enter the sea because there were so many sharp rocks and jellyfish. We got to chatting and walked along the shore together speaking about shells we had found and i noticed how cute it was when she’d get really excited mid conversation. She told me she recently left work bartending and was studying socio-economics and was pleased to hear i play tennis as it’s something she’d recently been playing with her mum. As i was speaking to her i felt a calm confidence that rarely occurs for me in first time interactions with people and i recognised that i really wanted to spend more time with this person. We agreed to exchange contacts and walking back to get her phone...

I am currently sitting in the airport wondering how in the world I managed to fuck up this bad. I’ve wanted to study abroad in Japan for 8 years now, and this year in my junior year of university my dream is finally coming true. Also note: I have never left the country before. I was planning on traveling with a friend, and our flight left today, Sunday, at 7:45 this morning. My dumbass thought the flight was tomorrow, Monday. I had written this down weeks ago, and told everyone that I was leaving on that day. I woke up at 6 am to a text saying “Are you at the airport yet? Where are you??” I literally kept out of bed, thinking about how screwed I was. And how mad my parents were gonna be (spoiler alert: they were, even wanted me to just stay home because how can someone who does that travel to another county alone?) I had almost everything packed already, but I had to throw everything in my room into my suitcase. Then I had to lay on it to get it to close, didn’t have time to make...

So the other day at breakfast my five-year-old asked one of those big questions. You know… Not about the birds and the bees. Not the meaning of existence. No. Something far more dangerous. We were sitting at the kitchen table. Very calm. Very normal. Kids eating. I was enjoying one of those rare parenting moments where no one was screaming, crying, or asking for snacks that we absolutely did not have. Then my daughter looks up and says: “Mom?” “Yes?” “Why can’t we say fuck or shit?” Now listen. There are moments in parenting where you have to maintain composure. This was one of those moments. Because the way she said it… Perfectly calm. Perfect pronunciation. Just dropped both words like she was asking why clouds exist. Meanwhile I’m gripping my coffee mug trying not to laugh like a 13-year-old boy who just heard his first swear word.  I look at her. She’s just sitting there. Waiting. Like she asked a completely reasonable question. Which honestly… she did. ...

ok so I have celiac disease, so bread is a big no-no for this guy. So I love the corvids in my backyard, so I tend to feed them before I head off in the mornings. Usually, I toss them some nuts or grapes, but today, my brother, who can eat bread, told me he had some bread that was a bit stale. I broke the bread up and tossed some to the birds. Most ate happily, but two were looking at me and not eating. Normally, that just means they don't trust the food, and it is fixed by taking a bite of half a piece before tossing it over, so I did that out of habit. After I swallowed the bread, I realised my mistake... at least the birds were eating, and I got to take a sick day off work TL;DR: idoit bird man eats bread to make his birds happy. Not a good idea with celiac disease

Well, guess I got frisky and love to watch some human documentary. I was out shopping with friends and we were on the skytrain. I was showing one of my male friend some picture and he asked if it’s okay to google about the stuff we were talking about, which I said okay. I completely forget about the tab. The internet was too damn fast and it loaded in just a sec after he pressed safari. There was no sound but he saw it and my other male friend also saw it. I wanted to buried my face on the ground right there. I snatched back my phone, close the tab, and lend him my phone again. No body said anything but I my face was burning. The rest of the day was okay but my brain keeps replaying the moment. TL;DR: I forgot to close my porn tab and my friends saw it.

My nearly 2 year old daughter is developing eczema. Her doctor prescribed hydrocortisone cream. Doctor did not explain that hyperactivity is a side effect of even mild steroid creams and I did not read the leaflet, neither did my wife. Leading to us applying the stuff (sparingly, thankfully) after daughter’s evening bath, not in the morning per recommendations. She. Went. NUTS. She’s an active kid anyway but as bedtime approaches, all she normally wants to do is read books with us. Not tonight. The girl may as well be on meth, she’s so wired - to a point where it’s slightly scary, because she’s too tired to be really in control but restraining her would make things way worse. I’ve babysat people that were high on coke or ecstasy before, hell I’ve been the guy that someone else had to babysit, and this is exactly like that. As I type this she’s JUST slowing down, after 90 straight minutes of spinning, jumping, climbing, dancing, fast-talking, yelling frenzy. Any attempt to calm or dis...

I decided to post on here because i was listening to Smosh and Kallmekris around the time this went down. I'm ruffly 14-16 and very into the arts. I have been into making jewelry resently and have gotten some new jewelry wire. I have had a hard time using it as it isn't as thin as I'm used to, and the ends keep sticking out and poking me when I make something. So I when downstairs to the basement to look in my dad's workroom to see if I could find anything useful, also he wasnt home. It seemed like he was working on somthing with wire and somthing that I think is called a cheeseboard or somthing with board in it. I saw this metal wire and I wanted to know if it would melt since the other metal wire I had wouldn't. (I was trying to melt the other wire to fuse two ends of a ring together, also I was using my dad's heat gun) Point is it melted so I made two shapes out of the metal and melted it. They came out as two very imperfect charms both had holes i could lo...