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TIFU by introducing genetics to 5th graders

This FU was within the last decade. so totally pertinent.

I'm teaching 5th graders all of the subjects, and I'm at a school that gives us a significant amount of leeway with our instruction after state testing (this is also the Bizarro version of how much leeway we're given prior to testing). During Science we found ourselves learning about dominant and recessive genes, hitchhikers' thumb, blue eyes, you know, the typical tropes from the Recessive Gene Handbag.

I have a subjectively-fascinating story about genetics, and how my first wife had light eyes (along with me), and we had two sons with light eyes, and how also my current wife and I have three brown eyed children (she's "all Italian", but doesn't know her Dad as much as she'd like to, okay well exactly as much as she'd like to). We discussed what pigment of the eyes really is/was, and the genetic information related to it being like a crapshoot. We began a project where we used dice to roll to make an imaginary person based on the genetics we were given (literally given by assignment, each group had a specific geno/phenotype for hair, height, eye color, etc.). The kids then drew their person they created.

Of course as this is going on, who enters the room but the administrative team, clipboards in tow. Let me say that I have my principal, (annabel fluster we'll call her) come in on the regular, and how she likes to "show me off" to visitors, etc., so I'm used to these walk-ins. This time, however, she happened to be showcasing our school to a group of potential donors who were ultra-conservative, head to toe. As soon as they walked in, with their pilgrim-esque attire, hair-tied back military-style, frumps abounding, I suddenly had a That's So Raven moment where my face most assuredly had a mini-seizure as I flashed back to emails I read last week about today's "on-campus visitors". Just as this realization comes to me I hear <HomeSkillet>, one of my favorites and least favorites at the same time, answer an apparent question with "We're making BABIES!!!". The rest of the class all chimed in like the "Mine" seagulls from Finding Nemo, repeating the "Yeah we're making babies", peppered with some "my mom's gonna be mad cuz I'm not sposed to get pregant before my sister!" and "I'm done so I"m going to make baby-babies!", followed by "they're grand babies stoopid hahahahahah".

This whole thing that could have been funny-enough and explainable following one student's comment, but shit escalated quickly. During this menagerie of reproductive commentary, the donors had, clearly, seen enough and walked out, faces frowning even more than their already-unimaginable frumps. Principal Fluster was the last to leave, holding the door for a quickstepping line of hunched over hags as she turned to look at me, shook her head in disbelief, and disappeared into the broke-ass night.

TL;DR I fucked up royally when kids made comments about making babies during a genetics project I shouldn't have even been doing. We lost out on a lot of money because of it.

​

"Update"- Through this arc of a story, one would assume that these potential donors never got on board with our charter school. In this case, that would be 100% correct.... and yes, it was my fault.

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