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TIFU by bringing drugs into the Pentagon

Obligatory this happened a couple of years back. So a couple of years ago I started a new job working for a PR agency in another state. Heading into the holiday season, the agency scheduled a three day all hands offsite meeting in Washington DC which I was already dreading. At this point, I had only been with the company for less than two months and met other staff members just once before. For the final day of the offsite, the agency had arranged an all day session at the Pentagon where they had arranged a number of speakers and then from there I would head directly to the airport.

So given that this is early December in DC, I pack my big puffy parka that I rarely wear in my home state of Portland given the relatively mild winters here. We arrive at the Pentagon and to get inside you need to go through a security screening --basically a greatly enhanced TSA experience. I'm the last person in our group in line and so I put my bags and jacket through the machine and as I'm waiting for my stuff, I see two security officers gather around my baggage. At which point, one of the security officers pulls out a glass pipe I hadn't seen in years from one of the many inside pockets and asks me if it's mine. I meekly tell her that it is indeed mine. Then she says, "so am I gonna find anything else?" And I look at her and squeak out, "maybeee?". So she keeps digging around and then a few seconds later she dramatically pulls out a ziplock bag with about an eighth of the most desiccated weed you have ever seen.

I try and explain that where I'm from, weed is legal and that I must have stashed that bag/pipe in the jacket and forgotten about it. The gaggle of security officer grows to a half dozen and you can sense the excitement building as they separate me from my stuff and then place me in a small windowless office. Meanwhile the entire company is waiting for me just up ahead but I have no way to communicate with them since they took my phone. Because this is the Pentagon, they can only proceed to the designated meeting room until the whole group is together. Finally after about 30 minutes, one of the security guards summons me and they begin asking me a series of inane, circular questions: Why did you bring drugs into a Federal facility? Are you aware that you're not allowed to bring marijuana into a Federal building? Are you high right now? Are you sure you're not high? At this point I really started to think I might be arrested but finally they just told me that they were going to dispose of my contraband and sent me on my way to meet the rest of my group who still had no idea what had happened to me.

So then I get to explain to a group of 20 co-workers why I had been detained, which was extra amusing as I was about 15 years older than every other employee. Most of them thought it was pretty funny. The agency owners were not so amused and I ended up getting 'laid-off' a couple months later right when the pandemic started. Oh and the Pentagon itself is fucking weird. One star, would not recommend.

TL;DR: Had a business meeting at the Pentagon, forgot I had weed and a pipe in a jacket, detained for a short period of time and made a mockery of myself in front of new work colleagues.

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