Skip to main content

TIFU by eating chocolate covered pretzels

Post a Comment

TIFU by bringing drugs into the Pentagon

Obligatory this happened a couple of years back. So a couple of years ago I started a new job working for a PR agency in another state. Heading into the holiday season, the agency scheduled a three day all hands offsite meeting in Washington DC which I was already dreading. At this point, I had only been with the company for less than two months and met other staff members just once before. For the final day of the offsite, the agency had arranged an all day session at the Pentagon where they had arranged a number of speakers and then from there I would head directly to the airport.

So given that this is early December in DC, I pack my big puffy parka that I rarely wear in my home state of Portland given the relatively mild winters here. We arrive at the Pentagon and to get inside you need to go through a security screening --basically a greatly enhanced TSA experience. I'm the last person in our group in line and so I put my bags and jacket through the machine and as I'm waiting for my stuff, I see two security officers gather around my baggage. At which point, one of the security officers pulls out a glass pipe I hadn't seen in years from one of the many inside pockets and asks me if it's mine. I meekly tell her that it is indeed mine. Then she says, "so am I gonna find anything else?" And I look at her and squeak out, "maybeee?". So she keeps digging around and then a few seconds later she dramatically pulls out a ziplock bag with about an eighth of the most desiccated weed you have ever seen.

I try and explain that where I'm from, weed is legal and that I must have stashed that bag/pipe in the jacket and forgotten about it. The gaggle of security officer grows to a half dozen and you can sense the excitement building as they separate me from my stuff and then place me in a small windowless office. Meanwhile the entire company is waiting for me just up ahead but I have no way to communicate with them since they took my phone. Because this is the Pentagon, they can only proceed to the designated meeting room until the whole group is together. Finally after about 30 minutes, one of the security guards summons me and they begin asking me a series of inane, circular questions: Why did you bring drugs into a Federal facility? Are you aware that you're not allowed to bring marijuana into a Federal building? Are you high right now? Are you sure you're not high? At this point I really started to think I might be arrested but finally they just told me that they were going to dispose of my contraband and sent me on my way to meet the rest of my group who still had no idea what had happened to me.

So then I get to explain to a group of 20 co-workers why I had been detained, which was extra amusing as I was about 15 years older than every other employee. Most of them thought it was pretty funny. The agency owners were not so amused and I ended up getting 'laid-off' a couple months later right when the pandemic started. Oh and the Pentagon itself is fucking weird. One star, would not recommend.

TL;DR: Had a business meeting at the Pentagon, forgot I had weed and a pipe in a jacket, detained for a short period of time and made a mockery of myself in front of new work colleagues.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU - Don’t do what I did

On Sunday morning Aug. 24th, I awoke to discover a large blind spot in my right eye, which turned out to be what is called wet age-related macular degeneration (AMD). It has resulted in a very significant, permanent loss of vision in that eye. Although I maintain good peripheral vision, whatever I focus on at best is very blurry, and mostly disappears. I can barely make out the large E at the top of the eye chart. If this happens to my left eye I’ll be unable to read or drive. It turns out that I missed the opportunity that I had to prevent this from becoming a serious problem because I failed to report what appeared to be minor changes in my vision. In the weeks prior to August I had noticed that what I knew to be straight lines appeared to my right eye to have a little waviness. I also noticed that the color of my front lawn, which I could see through the window from my recliner,  was subdued, looked almost gray, in my right eye. So I scheduled an eye exam, which revealed the p...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by getting suspended for 2 days by my front office in school.

I (13M) am an African American student at Jeannette junior high who had got suspended for 2 days here. I was in math class minding my business until my teacher had told me to go to the main office, which posed no problem to me. As i went down there, the people of the front office had stopped me and made me get a new ID (yes, we have id's.) so i had asked them if i could maybe do a different alternative and call my mother to let her bring the Id here, even then, the Id isn't that important. So, although i was talking to them in a calm manner and not showing any signs of rebellion, they had threatened to call the police on me without thinking twice before calling my parents. This is where i started getting angry, and even then now the black peers agree that could have been a racially motivated action. They then told me to sit in the office conference room because of that, leading into more anger. They had then called my mother who had came over to the school didn't even let ...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by putting my already skinny jeans in the dryer on high heat.

TL;DR: Was stupid and didn't realize I put my clothes on extra high heat in the dryer. Had to rock skintight skinny jeans all day with tighty whities (only clean pair I had since I procrastinate doing laundry like crazy). I guess the constant wedgies and squishing are punishment for my stupidity. Honestly don’t know who else to blame but myself for this. I’m a scatterbrained guy so I literally put the highest setting on a load with most of my clothes, and my skinny jeans that I was planning to wear today. You can probably already see where this is going, but somehow I didn’t. For context, these jeans were already pushing the limits of what could reasonably be called wearable. They fit, technically, but only in the sense that I could get them on with enough determination and a bit of strategic breathing. Sitting down in them was more of a commitment than a casual action. Still, they looked good, and I had convinced myself that discomfort was just part of the aesthetic. So this m...
Post a Comment
Read more