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TIFU by eating chocolate covered pretzels

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TIFU by being in the bathroom for so long that the restaurant thought I had dined and dashed.

I went to a Chinese buffet against my better judgement. Ate my food. It predictably opened my bowels right up because the fat content. Couldn't really hold it and wait for the bill. So, I grabbed my stuff because I didn't want it out in the open when I'd be in the bathroom a while. Apparently, the waitress only saw me load my stuff up and then just disappear when she looked back.

I got done taking a long shit and came out to them talking to the police. They saw me. I talked to the cops. They got called for a dine and dash and showed up cause its a slow day.

Explained the situation to them. They asked why I had taken all my stuff with me. I told them it was because "I knew it would be awhile and didn't want anything stolen".

It was light-hearted. The cops, waitress, and me had a laugh. I paid my bill and left

TL;DR: was in the bathroom so long that the restaurant thought I had dined and dashed and called the cops.

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