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TIFU by eating chocolate covered pretzels

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TIFU my family read the written account of my first BJ

Fuck. My. Life. Either going to end it or retreat to somewhere deep in the jungles of the Amazon.

I (20M) have been a writer my whole life. I’ve made decent money with a few novellas and I’ve been piecing together a novel in my spare time. I’ve been journaling since the third grade up until senior year and I’ve built an impressive chronology of my life, albeit with a few gaps when things were busy. Of course as I passed puberty my entries got a little more explicit, and even more so when I got my first girlfriend at 14. I had a lot of my firsts with her, basically everything short of intercourse, and I made the mistake of scribbling every little detail in my entries.

Last weekend I came home from uni for my little brother’s (16M) birthday and we got to talking about his little girlfriend. He’s into writing just like me and my Dad, and he told me that he took up journaling the year prior. He admitted a little sheepishly that he had written a poem about his first blowjob, and I laughed and told him that I had written about mine as well. I found my freshman year journal up in the attic (CA houses don’t have basements for some reason) and we compared and contrasted our writings. Overall a 10/10 bonding experience, pretty funny and surprisingly profound.

This is where it goes to shit: I left the journal spread page-down on his dresser and we left the house to celebrate as brothers. When we got back my family was already waiting for us in the living room. Turns out that my family always believed I was jotting down stories in my journals (I had never told her the truth because I was a private kid and didn’t want my snoopy Mom knowing I had a diary) and they planned to crack them open upon my return to reminisce about what I was cooking up as a kid. Well she snatched up the freshman year journal, already spread open to the BJ entry, and started reading aloud without a second thought. The writing was intentionally ambiguous with mainly sensory detail, so they didn’t realize what it was about at first. That is until she read the line where I detailed the intricacies of my orgasm, when it became VERY clear that it was about a MY blowjob. My family, Christian to a fault, turned to me in horror, realizing that they had just bared witness to the written account of my first BJ. My Mom asked if my other entries were like that and I sheepishly squawked out a “yes…” before leaving the house.

I’m writing this in my car and I’m mortified. My whole extended family was there and heard it all. The worst part is, there’s a treasure trove of entries just like that waiting to be unearthed in the attic. They could be there right now. FUCK.

TL;DR Journaled my first blowjob at 14 and my mom read it out loud to my whole family at 21.

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