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TIFU by eating chocolate covered pretzels

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TIFU- not sleeping with the woman I love

So this is a long one. (M 21) I’ve been in love with a woman that I’ve know ever since we started highschool. We dated for a while then broke up. 2 years ago we got back together and I lost my virginity to her. Our intimate life was amazing and it was the most fulfilling time of my life so far. She was my priority in life and I was absolutely head over heals. 3 weeks after we first had sex, she left off to basic training and found multiple partners without ever properly breaking things off with me. We didn’t talk for a while until she told me she got sent to California for job training. For privacy we both lived near the east coast. I drove to California (2k mile drive) to see her but I never got the chance. I headed back to my state and our contact demenished even more. Later on she text me telling me she’s now in Alaska and stationed there for the next couple years.

Being me, I moved all the way to Alaska, driving over 4K miles to be with her. I find out she’s with a new dude but I promised I would get to Alaska before her birthday. (I lost my virginity on her birthday so I wanted to be another surprise). I make it to Alaska and move into my apartment 1 day before her birthday. I get everything moved in and the next day she comes over. We’re laying in my bed and she pulls off my shirt and starts rubbing my tattoos remarking how beautiful they are. We then cuddle from there and listen to music. I put red/pink leds in my bathroom to accentuate the mood because I suspected something like this might happen.

She says she wants to take a shower and have sex with me…but I tell her know. When I was laying there with her I kept thinking about the other guy she is with and I knew if we had sex again it wouldn’t be a real as I wanted it to be. I knew I would hurt even more. That was the last time I ever seen her in person after that. I am still so very in love with her and I still regret not having sex with her, thinking it was my opportunity to mend things with her. But I know I shouldn’t regret it because I made the right choice, even if my heart hurts.

TL;DR: I didn’t take the opportunity to sleep with my ex and I’ve been regretting it thinking it would have possibly mended our relationship.

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