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TIFU by almost revealing I started writing my vows

My (29F) boyfriend "Alex" (28M) have been together for 3 years and living together for over 2. We both agree on and plan to get married, but we want to be more financially stable first. We've never had a fight, just a few very calm disagreements and our communication is great 99.9% of the time. This is all to establish that as far as I can tell we have a very healthy relationship and I'm not totally crazy for doing this.

I have a tendency to plan out things that I want to say in my head, but have a terrible memory, so I write them down. I'm also one of those people who always dreamed of getting married. I was single for a lot of my young adult life and had started to be convinced it would never happen. Then I met Alex and was absolutely blown away by happiness. I've never known love like this and we've weathered a few complex life events with no problems. My friends and family love him, his friends and family love me, aside from normal life chaos things are great.

Now to the meat of the story. A month or so ago I couldn't sleep and my brain had already been in the mode of "I wonder what our wedding would look like?" (which isn't super common but happens). I then thought down the path of what I would say for vows. To be fair, I've been to a handful of weddings but never closely studied the vows so I'm not even 100% sure what I came up with will work, but my brain generated something that sounded like the perfect little speech before leading into the "I promise to..." Part. I'm not a writer and usually don't come up with things that pretty so I wrote it down in my notes app.

Fast forward to last night. Alex was at a concert with friends. I had plans to meet up with one of my best friends, "Jess". They're also in a happy long term relationship and have also been thinking about wedding stuff in general. While talking I without thinking said something along the lines of "I even kind of started writing my vows so...". They freaked out and of course wanted to read what I had, and I know they wouldn't tell Alex, so I showed them. Jess of course started crying saying they loved it. The conversation continued, I went home, and Alex got home from his concert too.

Here's where I went wrong. I'm terrible with secrets and lies. Ever since I was a kid and had a lie bite me in the ass I just don't. I've found life to be better when open and honest. Alex is also friends with Jess and asked how our hangout was. I started to say "great but I made them cry" and cut myself after "but I" upon realizing what he would ask next and I don't want to lie to him. He obviously realized I had a secret and started playing 20 questions to find out what it was. Like I said I'm horrible with secrets and he managed to figure out that it's some sort of gift but that he won't get it for possibly years. It's worth noting that he HATES both gifts and surprises, they make him anxious, uncomfortable, and feeling indebted. This is when I knew I messed up, because once he knew something existed, I knew he would dwell on it indefinitely and it would bother him. Yes I could have lied and said it was something about Jess and their partner but I was also anxious at that point and picked the wrong cover up.

After apologizing for knowing that I've created a train of thought that will bug him, and trying to convince him that he would be best off forgetting I said anything, we went to bed. He said he had a dream about solving a puzzle, and throughout the day has been texting me probing questions trying to figure it out. I am obviously not going to reveal any more, and I certainly won't be showing him what I wrote, but I feel bad that this will genuinely bother him for a while.

Also to anyone thinking "just tell him something but don't reveal it all", that might make things worse. We both fully plan to get married but it's not really on our radar anytime soon, and I know he has a lot of anxiety about "not feeling enough like a grown adult" especially when it comes to marriage. I should add that we both have stable careers and he is the most emotionally intelligent man I've ever met, so other than saving money and him feeling comfortable with the idea, I don't think there are actually any roadblocks. I'm in no rush whatsoever and will happily wait until he is as enthusiastic about it as I am. If I was to reveal that it had anything to do with our future vows it might make his anxiety worse. He doesn't mind talking about it, weddings are a common topic with many of our friends getting married, but it's not something he thought about prior to our relationship so discussing little details for our own wedding stresses him out a little, his brain just hasn't thought that far yet. I don't want to give him even the slightest idea that I'm trying to rush him, when in reality I'm just living the dream of my inner little girl thinking about her future wedding.

TLDR: In the midst of a happy long term relationship I randomly thought up part of what I might want to say for my vows at our eventual wedding. My boyfriend hates surprises, and I accidentally revealed that I have a secret after I showed what I wrote to a friend. He is now going to drive himself crazy trying to figure out what it is, which I obviously will not confirm even if he does figure it out. I feel guilty for giving him an unsolvable puzzle that he will dwell on

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