TIFU an interview by comparing myself to something unsavory

Today I had a job interview for an agency that I've been dreaming about working at. It's a lateral move for me instead of a promotion, but I'd do pretty much anything to work here. After applying to pretty much any job they had available, I finally got the call!

I did the HR screening call, they said I'd be a good fit and boom we're onto the next round. In the next round interview, we're cruising along. I'm answering all the questions perfectly. I'm taking notes when they're telling me about the role or answering a prepared question I had. I've never felt more prepared for a job interview in my life. And I guess they felt the same because I got the email that they wanted to do a final round interview with the two leads of the team I'd be reporting to. This.Was.My.Moment. And I would be damned if I messed it up.

The second round interview is going great. Same thing as the first round. I have a good chemistry with the two of them, we're swapping agency war stories, a chuckle here and there. And then we get to the part of the interview where they "have to ask the interview questions." You know, the normal things like, what are your strengths? What are your weaknesses? I give them solid answers. Again, feeling wildly prepared and ready nail this interview.

Then.... then they ask the most simple question of all, how would you describe yourself in the workplace?

My answer?

Silent but deadly.

The second it came out of my mouth I knew it was over for me. The two looked at each other. One straight up tried not to laugh in my face. I could feel myself turning red from head to toe. Why would I say that? What would compel me to say the dumbest thing? Why would I compare my work ethic to passing gas?

Some of you might be thinking, how did you recover from this? The answer is I didn't. I doubled down. I explained that I'm really good at keeping my head down, getting the work done swiftly. I'm great in a crisis and instead of getting swept up in the chaos, I step back, assess and move forward with deadly precision. Pretty good for thinking on my feet. At least I think so.

They did not think so. After that question, they ended the interview. We shook hands. I walked out a bundle of shame and could basically hear them laughing hysterically as I made my way to the elevators. I do not expect to be hearing back from them.

TL;DR, don’t get too comfortable when interviewing or think about passing gas.