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TIFU by buying a paddle board in autumn and giving myself hypothermia twice in one week

TIFU by buying a paddle board in autumn and giving myself hypothermia twice in one week

A week ago I saw a paddle board on post-season sale for half price. My inflatable kayak had died this summer (think rubber Titanic beyond recovery), so I impulsively bought it. Probably the last hot weekend of the year (25 °C / 80 °F) — but I couldn’t try it that day. I made it my goal: stand up and paddle, or send it back.

Wednesday
Looked sunny, so off we went. In reality: strong wind, choppy water, stronger current; air and water about 16 °C (60 °F), air colder than expected. I still thought, “Hey, I’m here now — let’s test it anyway.”
Knee-paddling went well, but the first attempt to stand: a wave knocked me overboard.
I came up gasping, pain in my side, arms not working for a couple of minutes, then swam to safety.
Smart: I wore a life jacket and a friend was on shore watching me.
Not smart: no wetsuit — just a sweater, turning me into a soggy bag of tea in the wind.
And stupid me kept trying a few more times despite the choppy water, until my hands went numb.
In total I was wet and in the wind for over 45 minutes … and stayed chilled to the bone for 3–4 hours afterwards.

Sunday
Looked better: sunny, calm, about 20 °C / 65–70 °F outside, water still ~15 °C / 60 °F. Same friend came. I’d slept poorly and had a bit of Dutch courage (big mistake).
Knee-paddled confidently, bracing for boat waves, but my brain had one mission: I WILL STAND TODAY. NO MATTER WHAT. (thanks, autism 🙃)
I tried standing a dozen times, falling in to my friend’s amusement (at least I’m good at climbing back on now). Each fall: a shiver, but I kept improving … until I was standing! And paddling!

Then the board started “shaking” — except it was ME. Couldn’t steer, couldn’t stay up.
Knees went weak; even kneeling I fell in, then flailed the last bit to shore, barely able to swim or climb out. I’d been soaked and in and out of the water for about 90 minutes — twice as long as Wednesday.
I was shivering so hard my mom heard it over the phone; hands numb and purple-red.
Back home I sat at the kitchen table, sipping hot tea in a winter coat, still not warming up — proud I’d stood on my board, regretful I’d bought it impulsively in September, and ashamed I’d pushed myself into trouble — while shivering another 2–3 hours. Today I still had a few after-shakes.

TL;DR
Impulsively bought a paddleboard in autumn, insisted on standing no matter the cost. Ended in the shivering misery called mild hypothermia — twice in one week.
(Wear a wetsuit, bring warm clothes, get dry first — cold water doesn’t care how excited you are.)

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