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TIFU by quitting my job

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TIFU by quitting my job

I know I'm an idiot so please don't feel the need to tell me that.

For context, I'm 24 years old and graduated with a degree in creative writing 2 years ago. Since then I've worked mostly in kitchens but really want to work in film.

I started what I thought was my dream job at the beginning of April. For the last 6 weeks I've been a production assistant at a marketing agency but it hasn't been anything like I thought it would be. My direct boss started about 2 months before I did and has basically no idea what he is doing but thinks he does. So he can't really provide me with much direction and keeps doing the wrong thing which I've been told is kind of my responsibility to prevent but he won't listen to me. The CEO who is my other boss never gives any good direction or anything and when I ask her questions I'm almost always met with a bit of attitude and a "why don't you already know that tone". I don't need my hand held but it kind of feels like I'm missing at least 25% of the information I need to be successful. Just yesterday she was annoyed with me for not having read all the information on a project before starting it. I know I should have known there was info to read but it had never come up before and no one had ever told me about it. When I confirmed where the information was, I went to look for it and couldn't find it. Turns out it wasn't where she said it was and I wasn't even on the slack channel where the information lived. Am I crazy for thinking thats not my fault? My boss can't give me the direction I need but the CEO isn't either and somehow its my fault? Maybe I'm just being a whiny baby but I genuinely don't understand.

I know I should have stuck it out even 6 months so I can put this on my resume but I'm only working 24hr a week at $16/hr. If it weren't for the money my parents are giving me (I know I'm lucky) I wouldn't be able to pay my bills, I barely even can now. I have a side gig for June but feel physically ill at work most of the time because I'm so nervous of doing things wrong because I don't even know where to start asking questions because it feels like I don't know anything. When I got the job offer, I was told they like to set very attainable goals for my 3 month review but I had to initiate that meeting 3 weeks in after no one said anything about it. I had to ask what I should be doing all day because the boss that is also new has basically no idea. I come from a very high achieving family/community and this just feels like such a huge failure, wanting to quit after not even 2 months, not being good at it immediately (which I know is stupid and most people aren't), not to mention I have pretty bad ADHD and have such a hard time focusing and being invested in something that isn't interesting to me (yes I know everyone struggles with this and its just another excuse). Yes, I am a PA which is exactly what I wanted but the only production we do is instagram reels for a lame makeup company which is owned by a woman who wants the world and more which is rarely doable.

So this morning I quit. I sent an email and now I don't work there anymore and I'm afraid I've made a terrible mistake. I've been reminding myself that I was an intern and should have been mentored in some way rather than set up for what felt like failure. I also don't even want to work in or like marketing, I would love to one day work in actual film but production experience is production experience. Like I said, I have about 10 days of work with an old employer set up for the next 6 weeks but now need to find another job, probably serving which has been my plan since before today and as I live in a college town and kids are gone for the summer I should be able to find something but I just can't believe I did that. I'm less worried about figuring out my career path because I believe (maybe stupidly) that it will become clear to me what that is as I continue working. I have no idea what I actually want to do. I have a bad habit of leaving jobs once it gets boring or I don't like it anymore but I also have never really made enough money for bad jobs to seem worth it. Why am I miserable when I can't even pay my bills?

I feel like goldilocks, nothing is good enough for me and I don't know where to go from here. I don't know what my dream life is, I don't know what my dream job is, I don't know anything anymore.

TL;DR: I spontaneously quit the job that I thought was going to set me on an exciting career path this morning because I hate my boss and don't feel like I'm getting enough support or pay for it to be worth it.

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