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I (30M) and my wife (29F) a few months ago became proud parents to our lovely son. We are not rich at all, but we definitely make do on our own just fine and well. We are happy, we have time for one another.
That was until yesterday.
You see, one day I walked close to my son's crib to see how he was sleeping. All peaceful. All quiet. I turned around to face the door. I had no idea my butt was right next to my son's face until it was too late.
I let out a silent but deadly puff of wind straight from my buttcrack. It sounded like a silent "psss" but it felt like it carried entire armies of hell as it passed my anus.
Just as I realized what was done, I turned around to see my son. By that time I could already smell the horrid putrid harsh smell like someone just injected mustard gas straight into my nostrils.
Then, my son gurgled. Not just murmured or groaned. Gurgled. Like he was choking on his own spit.
He opened his eyes. His nostrils were pulsating. He looked at me. I looked at him. He kept looking at me in disbelief and horror like he knew exactly what I had done.
And then it came. His cute baby face wrinkled in a second and he let out an ungodly shriek.
It was not his average cry. No. He wailed, flailed his arms and legs, he screamed bloody murder like he was being skinned alive or ripped apart.
I tried calming him down but then my wife immediately came over. She gagged upon smelling the smell of hell I just unleashed. At first she thought it could've been the baby. She checked the diaper. Nothing. Then she looked at me. She read my face. She knew immediately.
"You pig! You ate some garbage and farted and now our baby has to smell it! Get out!"
The last time I saw her that angry was when she was giving birth.
I left the room immediately. She slammed the door shut.
Our son cried and wailed for minutes. Entire 15 minutes of non-stop wailing and shrieking like he was being torn apart by forces he could not fathom. After all these 15 minutes there was only silence. Honestly, the afterward silence felt even worse than the screams.
I checked up on my wife and my baby son. My wife was angry and exhausted. But otherwise fine. So was my son. Just asleep and tired from the smellapocalypse I unwillingly unleashed into his face.
TL;DR: I accidentally farted into my baby son's face and he cried the loudest he ever has in his life.
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