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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU (9 years ago) and acquired a new (generally unacceptable) fetish (NSFW?)

This happened way back in university with my then ex who was a conservative type girl who wanted to save herself for marriage, but secretly very adventurous in bed, so it’s a very stale TIFU, but one that I recall fondly(?).

Anyways, we would do almost everything else except actual penetration to skip the grey line, and at that time, ass eating was just becoming a thing. For the uninitiated, it involves putting your licking bits in close proximity of the area where the sun don’t shine.

After an inspirational TED talk about the joys of anal by a sexually liberated Japanese girl at a house party, I wanted to try it out, and to my surprise, my then girlfriend agreed!

Woop!

We did some butt stuff before, but it was just a finger or two, and I was really excited about it.

Cue showtime after she went in to clean herself , came out, and got into doggy and presented herself. I didn’t really know what to do, so I very gently gave the flower a gentle flick of the tongue.

Wrong move. People that are ticklish can perform remarkable feats when under tickle threat.

In hindsight, a firm and assertive opening move could have changed the course of history.

I got a fart blast directly onto my tongue and a horse kick onto my balls at a very serious velocity then another onto my stomach as I just began to double over in pain as she scrambled desperately away from the source, hitting her head on the bedpost.

I slowly recovered from my pain to see her almost in tears, mortified at the outcome of events. I smiled through the pain, and as I came to my senses, I began to realise to my horror (?), that the fart excited me.

TLDR: acquired fart fetish from trying to eat ass “wrongly”.

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