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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by deciding to sanitize my testicles right before the lead inspectors arrive

So for a while now my family has been putting off the lead inspectors for some reason, and today is the day they come over (of which I was told only yesterday halfway through the day), so I help out in cleaning up the apartment.

I having just gotten done with a stressful semester of college showered about a week ago and have been living like a sloth-filth-monster for the past week (first semester was pretty stressful).

Cue today.

I'm sitting and I realize, my testicles are giving off a smell. If I can smell it then that means they'll be able to smell it. I in my infinite wisdom search for a perfume, but the one I find goes " " whenever I spray it, so I decide to look for another one. But since we cleaned up, everything had been re-sorted/shuffled.

Running out of time and luck, I find the sanitizer glowing like a celestial being. I grab it, and get some on my hand to rub down there.

5 seconds of a somewhat nice cooling feeling, and then an intense burning follows.

It has hit 11:10 now, I've been burning since 11 and the inspectors are due to arrive any minute now, my only hope is they don't walk into my room to see me curled up in pain, if only to prevent a bigger tifu

TL:DR: Rubbed hand-sanitizer on my testicles to get rid of smell and ended up in burning pain. Don't rub sanitizer on your testicles.

Side note: I think I may have discovered a new kink

Edit 1, 11:19:- I think they're here. The pain has gone down a bit but still uncomfortable

Edit 2: Bigger tifu averted, I think. Inspector came and allowed me to hide, he wrote down some stuff and left. I think I may be in the clear

Edit 3: Bigger tifu avoided. He came back once more and pointed a laser thing in a few places and left.

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