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TIFU by emptying my sons potty.

My 3 year old son is at the tail end of potty training. Our only bathroom is on the second floor of our home, and the stairs are blocked by a baby gate (we have another 1 year old son who thinks injuring himself is hilarious, or something), so he put a small training potty on the linoleum at the bottom of the stairs. He has gotten really good at handling his business on his own and only calling for help if he really needs it, or a wipe. As such, sometimes my wife and I are unaware that he has gone #1 in his training potty.

Such was the scenario that occurred not 10 minutes ago. I was going upstairs, noticed his potty had some pee in it, so I took the bowl upstairs to empty, leaving the seat downstairs. When I go to the bathroom, I noticed a light in the vanity had burned out, so I went to the basement to get a replacement. I replaced the bulb, and took the burned out one to the trash. Satisfied with my bit of handyman-ing, I sat down in my office to check my last few emails and log off for the evening.

That’s when I heard it.

My loving son cried out in confusion and fear.

My wife screams in disbelief.

I looked over at the potty bowl, still on the edge of the bathtub where I left it to dry after I washed it out.

I knew what had happened, but I didn’t want to accept it.

I went down the steps, and before me was an abomination that, if an image of it existed, would be used as evidence of a violation of the Geneva convention.

Somehow, my three year old had manifested a poo that rivaled even the most foul I had ever produced. Think of the first poo of the day after a long night of drinking, followed up by reheated Taco Bell at 4am, and topped off with beef jerky.

I was paralyzed in disbelief and shame. In any other circumstance, I would have been impressed. But now, staring at this massive dump on my living room floor, I began to question humanity itself.

I scrubbed like have never scrubbed before, hoping to erase this shame, while my son berated me for my negligence. Truth be told, I deserved it.

My house is going to smell like Clorox for a month, a constant reminder of how your life can change in a matter of seconds. Let this be a warning to you all.

TL;DR - I took to long to change my sons training potty, and he refinished the floor in my living room as a result.

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