Skip to main content

TIFU by leaving a real Christmas tree in my apartment until May.

I actually fucked up 8 years ago, but time has worn down my pride enough that I'm willing to finally share this story with the world.

It was recently suggested to me that I leave my Christmas tree up a little longer in order to further enjoy the cheeriness it brings to the living room. This is an easy thing to suggest when you haven't seen the things I've seen. When you haven't done the things that my boyfriend and I have done. You see, when you have one year when you leave your tree up until May, that experience changes you. It changes Christmas forever.

We have always used real trees as opposed to artificial ones, which means they need to be disposed of after the holidays. Back when we lived in an apartment they had a small window of time when you could leave the tree by the curb and they would haul it away for you. Unfortunately we missed that window, which turned into weeks and weeks of pretending the tree just... didn't exist. Sure the ornaments came down, but the skeletal remains of Christmas stood in our living room as a monument to our evasion of basic responsibilities.

One day, in late February or so, we realized we could be having friends over for dinner. We thought, "Oh my god. We can't let people know we still have this tree!" So we did what any logical couple would do and we hid it in the closet with a white blanket over it. You can imagine how terrifying it was in the beginning when you would get up to use the restroom in the middle of the night and see an 8 foot tall Christmas tree ghost looming in the doorway.

I don't know what the final straw was. Maybe it was the storage space we were losing by having a massive cloaked Douglas fir in our closet. Maybe it was that we missed using the blanket that had taken on a new purpose in life. Whatever it was, we knew we couldn't avoid this issue any longer. The problem of how to dispose of the tree still existed. We couldn't leave it at the curb, and we knew wherever we took it, it was going to leave a breadcrumb trail of humiliation straight to our doorstep.

That's when the saw came out.

Into the wee hours of the night we carefully disassembled the tree until it was compact enough to fit into a cardboard box. By 2am we were covered in sweat and sap, but we were able to stealthily discard the box in a nearby dumpster. On that day, we vowed to never again let the disposal of the Christmas tree become an episode of Forensic Files.

And now my shameful past is out in the open for the internet to enjoy. Happy New Year, all!

TL:DR - Holiday procrastination took a turn for the worse when my apartment became botanical Dexter scene. Also Happy New Year. :)

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU - Don’t do what I did

On Sunday morning Aug. 24th, I awoke to discover a large blind spot in my right eye, which turned out to be what is called wet age-related macular degeneration (AMD). It has resulted in a very significant, permanent loss of vision in that eye. Although I maintain good peripheral vision, whatever I focus on at best is very blurry, and mostly disappears. I can barely make out the large E at the top of the eye chart. If this happens to my left eye I’ll be unable to read or drive. It turns out that I missed the opportunity that I had to prevent this from becoming a serious problem because I failed to report what appeared to be minor changes in my vision. In the weeks prior to August I had noticed that what I knew to be straight lines appeared to my right eye to have a little waviness. I also noticed that the color of my front lawn, which I could see through the window from my recliner,  was subdued, looked almost gray, in my right eye. So I scheduled an eye exam, which revealed the p...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by getting suspended for 2 days by my front office in school.

I (13M) am an African American student at Jeannette junior high who had got suspended for 2 days here. I was in math class minding my business until my teacher had told me to go to the main office, which posed no problem to me. As i went down there, the people of the front office had stopped me and made me get a new ID (yes, we have id's.) so i had asked them if i could maybe do a different alternative and call my mother to let her bring the Id here, even then, the Id isn't that important. So, although i was talking to them in a calm manner and not showing any signs of rebellion, they had threatened to call the police on me without thinking twice before calling my parents. This is where i started getting angry, and even then now the black peers agree that could have been a racially motivated action. They then told me to sit in the office conference room because of that, leading into more anger. They had then called my mother who had came over to the school didn't even let ...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by putting my already skinny jeans in the dryer on high heat.

TL;DR: Was stupid and didn't realize I put my clothes on extra high heat in the dryer. Had to rock skintight skinny jeans all day with tighty whities (only clean pair I had since I procrastinate doing laundry like crazy). I guess the constant wedgies and squishing are punishment for my stupidity. Honestly don’t know who else to blame but myself for this. I’m a scatterbrained guy so I literally put the highest setting on a load with most of my clothes, and my skinny jeans that I was planning to wear today. You can probably already see where this is going, but somehow I didn’t. For context, these jeans were already pushing the limits of what could reasonably be called wearable. They fit, technically, but only in the sense that I could get them on with enough determination and a bit of strategic breathing. Sitting down in them was more of a commitment than a casual action. Still, they looked good, and I had convinced myself that discomfort was just part of the aesthetic. So this m...
Post a Comment
Read more