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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by telling my girlfriend she would look better if she was thinner

So this happened about half an hour ago and after some groveling. Me and the gf are on the couch having a drink, watching rubbish on the TV. She made the comment GF: "would you still love me if i looked like that in 20-30years" in a joking cliche way.

My genuine response being Me: "sure, if you still kept your sense of humour and personality" lovey dovey crap I know.

GF: "Great, i can start to letting myself go now"

A little background, she has a sizeable tumour around the uterus area, when I say sizeable think 2nd trimester size. Now for the FU, my stupid brain tries to make jokes all the time and about 80% of them are just crap. The next words that came out of my mouth were:

Me:"you would look better if you didn't have the giant tumour"

"you would better..." did I seriously just say those infamous words, words that ruin relationships. And of course I tried to back pedal with

Me:"No, that's not what I meant to say"

Yup, I am just digging the hole deeper now, please just kill me. So, my girlfriend has now given me her full attention and has graciously given me a slim chance to explain what I meant. I took about a couple of minutes to collect my thoughts whilst my girlfriend staring at me with the "what's my alibi gonna be when they find his body" look.

Long story short, I thankfully made a coherent explanation of what I was trying to say and my girlfriend understands that I'm a dumb bitch. I have a bad habit of saying the worst things at the wrong times. I have also taken back the first "I love you too" when I mistakenly thought she said it first (she said hello).

TL:DR - I told my girlfriend that she would look better once she lost a tumour. We are still together and i dont think she is planning to kill me.

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