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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by mistaking a toothbrush for a burglar

So this happened about 20 minutes ago. I was laying in bed reading a book with my partner sleeping next to me. 1am rolls by and I decide it’s time to attempt to sleep.

I looked at the bedroom door for some reason, and saw what I thought to be a torch light shining through the bottom and then going away, scanning across our landing. I thought we were being burgled so got out of bed, adrenaline going through the roof, ready to fight. Opened the door and realised it was my partners toothbrush charging. Mistake number 1.

I then needed to vape to calm down and was chugging it so hard I needed to refill it but didn’t want to turn the light on to save my night vision for the walk back to bed. So, I tried to refill in the dark. Mistake number 2.

I spilled what felt like gallons of juice all over my hands and legs. Causing me to need to turn the light on to see what the fuck I was doing. Once I had calmed down, I turned the light off (mistake number 3) and went to wash myself. Eyes hadn’t adjusted and didn’t see the cat. Ended up yeeting the poor feline across the landing and causing him to run down the stairs, out the cat flap and wake the dog who is now still sitting at the bottom of the stairs soft whining at me for attention.

I’m now lying in bed, wide awake and trying not to laugh as I don’t want to cause mistake number 4 by waking up sleeping beauty.

TLDR: toothbrush has caused a calamity tonight and I’m questioning all my life choices leading up to this series of unfortunate events.

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