Skip to main content

TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

Post a Comment

TIFU by sleeping over at my new girlfriends house and taking sleeping pills

I (38M) am in the process of a high- conflict divorce. 5 years in the making after 8 years married. 5 months ago I met a wonderful woman, she has been very understanding with the situation with my soon to be ex and kids. We’ve put off sleeping over since I was still living with my wife in our house. A couple of weeks ago, the court ordered my wife to move out and we now exchange the kids every week. This was her week with the kids and my girlfriend and I decided to finally have a sleepover.

Throughout the whole divorce process I have been having trouble sleeping, and have been taking sleeping pills on and off for the past 6 months. This week was particularly hard with the kids out of the house and by Thursday I had had a total 10 hours of sleep. So I go to the pharmacy to get sleeping pills. My girlfriend has already warned me she is a light sleeper and has a strict schedule of going to sleep at 10pm. So I want our first night to go well with no disturbance from me. Secondly, my experience has taught me that I need at least 3 sleeping pills to feel the effects and even then they take a few hours to kick in. Granted, I’ve never used this particular brand but I trust my experience, given that I’m 115kg and 2,01m and don’t drink or take drugs, it might be that I’m just not that responsive to sleeping agents.

So I get to her house after a tough day in the office where I had to let go of staff. I’m sleep deprived and emotionally exhausted. We order pizza and salad and when it arrives we sit down to eat. It’s around 7pm, so I decide to take the pills then so they would have time to do their thing. We get through the salad, and by the time we get to the pizza I’m starting to feel woozy. By the end of the meal, I can’t see straight, its difficult to form sentences and I’m experiencing very strong hiccups.

My girlfriend sits me on the couch and rubs my back to help with the hiccups, and within 20 minutes they’re gone. She helps me brush my teeth and helps me into bed. It’a just after 8pm and she jumps in the bed with me and rubs my back and arms until I’m asleep.

Next thing I know, I feel a fart coming on and just let it rip. As you can guess, it was a trick my sphincter was playing on my sleeping-pill-soaked brain and I go on to make a deposit of loose change in my underpants. I jump out of the bed and run to the bathroom. I try to quietly clean up and long story short, I go through a roll of toilet paper and ruin two hand towels and the little carpet by the toilet in the process. I get out of the bathroom and run into my very worried girlfriend pacing the hallway. I tell her what happened and she bursts out laughing, tells me not to worry and after assuring me I didn’t shit the bed as well, puts me back to sleep.

I woke up this morning to a clean bathroom, laundered towels and underwear AND a fresh cup of coffee. She’s a keeper :)

Lesson: not all sleeping pills are equal, some come with added sharts.

TLDR- underestimated strength and side effects of sleeping pills and shat myself on first sleepover with new girlfriend

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU by walking into a glass door.

This just happened barely 30 minutes ago. Ended up with a nose bleed and some of the worst nose pain in my life. I can’t even wear glasses without the pressure hurting my nose. So, how did I make the same fuck up a bird would? I put on my sunglasses to leave an appointment and ended up walking nose first into a glass door. Shambling back in shock, I had no damn clue what I had just done. It shocked me so bad that I didn’t comprehend it until I felt liquid drip down my nose. I had turned into the world’s bloodiest leaking faucet. Someone witnessed this in their periphery and asked me if they needed to phone someone. In a panic I basically wailed for them not to, even though I would soon freak out and think I need an ambulance. Someone else came by and ended up giving me paper towels, which quickly looked like I had murdered a mouse with them. My nosebleed soon stopped but not before someone else checked on me. TLDR; fought a glass door and lost. I do not envy the janitorial staff. ...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by asking my boss why his cock got hard on my leg.

***not a fake post. I’m F 32, He was standing over one of my legs while I was sitting in front of him facing him (spinal adjustment) and he spread my knees with his leg, put his hand on my stomach and then there was a ton of sexual tension and I felt his cock grow into my leg and then start to fill with blood and then twitch on my leg. My boss has been leading me on for two years in subtle ways. Lots of waist pinching, close moments, and “were you good while I was away(s)?” Mostly breadcrumbing himself out to me while his wife (who I also work with) became increasingly hostile towards me. He is someone who has been a mentor to me for ten years. The two of them seem to be having marital problems on and off. The other month, while in close proximity, he started to get hard on my leg and moved when he noticed. A while later, I asked for an open conversation on the attraction between us and what to do about it. It has been distressing me and I had reached my limit. I figured since we’ve...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by going through my girlfriend’s old photos

My girlfriend and I have been together for 9 months or so and things have been up and down but I love her a lot and she loves me a lot. We’re both 20 and she’s had a lot more experience sexually than I have and this has always bothered me but besides that we have a pretty good relationship. We’ve talked about our pasts and she’s had some pretty bad experiences that caused her to kind of go off the rails up until we met. She’s all in on me and I’m all in on her and she’s expressed a lot of regret about her past choices and I’ve tried to be as understanding as possible but I’ve always had some insecurity regarding it. Well anyways last night I was on her laptop and saw her photos were linked to it and I stupidly clicked on it and started going through them. Don’t need anyone telling me that it was dumb and an invasion of privacy because I really realize that now and I will never be going through any of her stuff again. Anyways I ended up seeing a lot of shit. Clicked on a folder that...
Post a Comment
Read more