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TIFU by sleeping over at my new girlfriends house and taking sleeping pills

I (38M) am in the process of a high- conflict divorce. 5 years in the making after 8 years married. 5 months ago I met a wonderful woman, she has been very understanding with the situation with my soon to be ex and kids. We’ve put off sleeping over since I was still living with my wife in our house. A couple of weeks ago, the court ordered my wife to move out and we now exchange the kids every week. This was her week with the kids and my girlfriend and I decided to finally have a sleepover.

Throughout the whole divorce process I have been having trouble sleeping, and have been taking sleeping pills on and off for the past 6 months. This week was particularly hard with the kids out of the house and by Thursday I had had a total 10 hours of sleep. So I go to the pharmacy to get sleeping pills. My girlfriend has already warned me she is a light sleeper and has a strict schedule of going to sleep at 10pm. So I want our first night to go well with no disturbance from me. Secondly, my experience has taught me that I need at least 3 sleeping pills to feel the effects and even then they take a few hours to kick in. Granted, I’ve never used this particular brand but I trust my experience, given that I’m 115kg and 2,01m and don’t drink or take drugs, it might be that I’m just not that responsive to sleeping agents.

So I get to her house after a tough day in the office where I had to let go of staff. I’m sleep deprived and emotionally exhausted. We order pizza and salad and when it arrives we sit down to eat. It’s around 7pm, so I decide to take the pills then so they would have time to do their thing. We get through the salad, and by the time we get to the pizza I’m starting to feel woozy. By the end of the meal, I can’t see straight, its difficult to form sentences and I’m experiencing very strong hiccups.

My girlfriend sits me on the couch and rubs my back to help with the hiccups, and within 20 minutes they’re gone. She helps me brush my teeth and helps me into bed. It’a just after 8pm and she jumps in the bed with me and rubs my back and arms until I’m asleep.

Next thing I know, I feel a fart coming on and just let it rip. As you can guess, it was a trick my sphincter was playing on my sleeping-pill-soaked brain and I go on to make a deposit of loose change in my underpants. I jump out of the bed and run to the bathroom. I try to quietly clean up and long story short, I go through a roll of toilet paper and ruin two hand towels and the little carpet by the toilet in the process. I get out of the bathroom and run into my very worried girlfriend pacing the hallway. I tell her what happened and she bursts out laughing, tells me not to worry and after assuring me I didn’t shit the bed as well, puts me back to sleep.

I woke up this morning to a clean bathroom, laundered towels and underwear AND a fresh cup of coffee. She’s a keeper :)

Lesson: not all sleeping pills are equal, some come with added sharts.

TLDR- underestimated strength and side effects of sleeping pills and shat myself on first sleepover with new girlfriend

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