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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by scorching my ass

yes, you read the title correctly, and no, I won't be supplying pictures of my butt.

So today at night while yours truly was taking a nice, hot bath I had the wonderful idea of using the showerhead to clean my soft rump, although the bidet works perfectly fine the heater just wouldn't give all that hotness to the beautiful ( and versatile ) bidet.

now while I was cleaning my hair with hot water I thought "hmm, I could just change the mode of the shower head from spray to jet and clean my ass" and for those who haven't cleaned their asses with hot water, YOU SHOULD

I changed the mode and started the mission, in between cleaning I realized that the water was slowly becoming cold again, so I fucking pull the lever all the way to hot now it takes 3 seconds before I inevitably realize what I have done, panic ensues, I start screaming I scorched my butthole, my dad rushes in and is currently having a revelation on whether to uncontrollably laugh ( I mean who can blame him, not every once in a while do you hear a teenager screaming on how he burnt his ass ) or to help with a face that looks like it had a stroke while laughing.

my mom rushes in, my brothers are following suit and also laughing, props to my mum for being the only one who didn't laugh, my dad helps me up, my mom separates my to ass cheeks so that it doesn't hurt while my brothers come with cold water that had ice in it and pours it all over my beautiful butt

BUZZ, WRONG FUCKING CHOICE

my entire ass was right now not only burning from the heat but also from the cold ice, next thing you know, my mum becomes a superhero and tells my stupid brothers to hold my butt apart while she runs, takes some normal water and a bit of toothpaste to help relieve the pain. 5 mins later my dad calls my aunt and asks her, AND I KID YOU NOT, "how do I relieve u/smit7zy's burnt butt, like imagine, 8 at night, you are going to eat dinner and your brother-in-law asks you how you relieve a burnt rump

my aunt suggests some cream that smells like sunflower seeds while also laughing

right now its 9:30 with my ass smothered with sunflower seed like smelling cream while my brothers come in every few minutes to ask how my butt is, seriously what did I do to deserve this...

TL;DR: burnt my ass with hot water and is now regretting his existence

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