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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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tifu by watching a horror movie & enabling my cat to sleep with me

ok... so firstly, i have severe anxiety & paranoia. now i know what you’re thinking, “why the fuck did you watch a horror movie if you have anxiety & paranoia?” i’m an avid horror fan. i’m obsessed with everything from serial killers, conspiracy theories, murder mysteries, etc. i can’t stay away from it. ANYWAY!

with that being said, i do tend to get extra paranoid after watching horror movies. especially the more realistic ones. you know that newer movie about the mother that cuts off this psycho dude in traffic & then he stalks her & tries to kill her & blah blah blah- it’s terrifying!

so naturally, i need some form of comfort & security after watching spooky shit. that’s where my animals come in. i have some dogs & cats & other animal friends that i live with. my doggos are super protective & i feel safer with them in the house.

i grabbed my big fat orange cat & headed to bed. every sound triggered my anxiety & i was super on edge. i watched some relaxing videos & snuggled my cat to calm down. soon enough, i drifted off to sleep.

at some point during the night, my lovely cat must have gotten off the bed. i guess he wanted some food or water. but sooner or later, he wanted back up on the bed.... this is where shit hit the fan...

i was laying on my stomach when i awoke to my covers being ripped off me. i felt sharp things penetrating my skin. at this point, my soul had officially left my body & i was prepared to die.

i jolted up right only to find my fat fucking feline stuck to my comfort dangling off the bed. i guess he decided to jump onto the bed but his old fat body failed him. so he grabbed the blanket to pull himself up. well that obviously didn’t work, so he resorted to using my legs as a ladder.

mid panic attack, i glanced down at my bloody legs & just laughed. i just started laughing hysterically. my cat is a fucking asshole. but i love him anyway.

tldr; my cat is a demon that tried to kill me.

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