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TIFU by Not Telling My Kids What a Bidet Was Before it Was Too Late (USA)

My kids are young. We live in a location that simply doesn’t use bidets enough (USA). I decided, “you know what? I’m going to try it. I’ll get a crappy one and if I hate it, I’ll feel sad, but no major loss.”

And that’s what I did. I bought one on sale for $25. You know, the kind that have two settings: Sprinkle, and tear you a new butthole.

Well, we’ve enjoyed it thoroughly through the pandemic, and my wife refuses other toilets during, erm, messier months. I no longer have to use hoards of dude wipes to clean the magic marker down under.

Well, guess what. The kids don’t usually use the master bathroom, cause the “main” one is a little closer to the family room.

Queue my poor toddler.

The main bathroom was in use, and the poor little twerp definitely wasn’t going to wait. He shot into our bathroom and quaintly took care of business.

Aaaaaand then the screaming. Oh Judas, the screaming. I thought he’d fallen and smashed his femur while on fire or something.

My wife and I rushed in as quickly as possible, and discovered the back wall was being fire-hosed by the bidet. The toddler was clenching his eye. It’s a half bath, so water was EVERYWHERE.

His eye was in rough shape, and we had to take him in. The doctor couldn’t help but laugh, because he said it was the third incident since the pandemic began where something similar has happened, likely due to complete unfamiliarity with bidets in general here.

Please teach your kids what it is instead being a dumbass, like me. 🤦🏼‍♂️

TL;DR Installed a bidet in the states where it’s less common, didn’t teach my kids about it, toddler got shot in the eye for a nice doctor visit.

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