Skip to main content

TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

Post a Comment

TIFU by Not Telling My Kids What a Bidet Was Before it Was Too Late (USA)

My kids are young. We live in a location that simply doesn’t use bidets enough (USA). I decided, “you know what? I’m going to try it. I’ll get a crappy one and if I hate it, I’ll feel sad, but no major loss.”

And that’s what I did. I bought one on sale for $25. You know, the kind that have two settings: Sprinkle, and tear you a new butthole.

Well, we’ve enjoyed it thoroughly through the pandemic, and my wife refuses other toilets during, erm, messier months. I no longer have to use hoards of dude wipes to clean the magic marker down under.

Well, guess what. The kids don’t usually use the master bathroom, cause the “main” one is a little closer to the family room.

Queue my poor toddler.

The main bathroom was in use, and the poor little twerp definitely wasn’t going to wait. He shot into our bathroom and quaintly took care of business.

Aaaaaand then the screaming. Oh Judas, the screaming. I thought he’d fallen and smashed his femur while on fire or something.

My wife and I rushed in as quickly as possible, and discovered the back wall was being fire-hosed by the bidet. The toddler was clenching his eye. It’s a half bath, so water was EVERYWHERE.

His eye was in rough shape, and we had to take him in. The doctor couldn’t help but laugh, because he said it was the third incident since the pandemic began where something similar has happened, likely due to complete unfamiliarity with bidets in general here.

Please teach your kids what it is instead being a dumbass, like me. 🤦🏼‍♂️

TL;DR Installed a bidet in the states where it’s less common, didn’t teach my kids about it, toddler got shot in the eye for a nice doctor visit.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU by walking into a glass door.

This just happened barely 30 minutes ago. Ended up with a nose bleed and some of the worst nose pain in my life. I can’t even wear glasses without the pressure hurting my nose. So, how did I make the same fuck up a bird would? I put on my sunglasses to leave an appointment and ended up walking nose first into a glass door. Shambling back in shock, I had no damn clue what I had just done. It shocked me so bad that I didn’t comprehend it until I felt liquid drip down my nose. I had turned into the world’s bloodiest leaking faucet. Someone witnessed this in their periphery and asked me if they needed to phone someone. In a panic I basically wailed for them not to, even though I would soon freak out and think I need an ambulance. Someone else came by and ended up giving me paper towels, which quickly looked like I had murdered a mouse with them. My nosebleed soon stopped but not before someone else checked on me. TLDR; fought a glass door and lost. I do not envy the janitorial staff. ...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by asking my boss why his cock got hard on my leg.

***not a fake post. I’m F 32, He was standing over one of my legs while I was sitting in front of him facing him (spinal adjustment) and he spread my knees with his leg, put his hand on my stomach and then there was a ton of sexual tension and I felt his cock grow into my leg and then start to fill with blood and then twitch on my leg. My boss has been leading me on for two years in subtle ways. Lots of waist pinching, close moments, and “were you good while I was away(s)?” Mostly breadcrumbing himself out to me while his wife (who I also work with) became increasingly hostile towards me. He is someone who has been a mentor to me for ten years. The two of them seem to be having marital problems on and off. The other month, while in close proximity, he started to get hard on my leg and moved when he noticed. A while later, I asked for an open conversation on the attraction between us and what to do about it. It has been distressing me and I had reached my limit. I figured since we’ve...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by going through my girlfriend’s old photos

My girlfriend and I have been together for 9 months or so and things have been up and down but I love her a lot and she loves me a lot. We’re both 20 and she’s had a lot more experience sexually than I have and this has always bothered me but besides that we have a pretty good relationship. We’ve talked about our pasts and she’s had some pretty bad experiences that caused her to kind of go off the rails up until we met. She’s all in on me and I’m all in on her and she’s expressed a lot of regret about her past choices and I’ve tried to be as understanding as possible but I’ve always had some insecurity regarding it. Well anyways last night I was on her laptop and saw her photos were linked to it and I stupidly clicked on it and started going through them. Don’t need anyone telling me that it was dumb and an invasion of privacy because I really realize that now and I will never be going through any of her stuff again. Anyways I ended up seeing a lot of shit. Clicked on a folder that...
Post a Comment
Read more