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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by insulting a company executive's genitals

This happened when I was about 13 or 14. I was homeschooled in a pretty sheltered household, so I often missed innuendo that I absolutely should have been old enough to understand. Most of the time I was smart enough to not repeat anything, but every so often, I slipped up.

I went on a vacation with my parents and grandparents around the area my dad had grown up. We quickly found a local diner we frequented for breakfast every morning, and they offered a free local newspaper with plenty of cartoons and jokes throughout. We collected a number of these, and I got bored one day and read through them all. One of them contained a joke about how often people lower in the company will often play games like basketball or football, while you always see company executives playing golf- "the higher you are in the company, the smaller your balls!" My innocent little brain saw this as nothing more than a speculation on who prefers what sports.

At the end of the vacation, my dad decided to spend a few days visiting his old high school friends. We went for dinner at one of his friend's houses, and as the conversation progressed, his friend mentioned that he had just been promoted to a very official-sounding, high up position in his company. I gathered that if he played golf, I'd be able to compliment him on his new position in the company, so I looked this 40 year old man dead in the face and said, "is it true what they say? About how the higher you are in the company, the smaller your balls are?"

This poor man was mortified. How are you supposed to respond to a young teenage girl calling your balls small? He choked on his water a little bit and desperately looked to my parents for help. I saw that the joke hadn't flown and divulged into the explanation about how I thought he might have played golf, to which everybody breathed a huge sigh of relief and started laughing at me. I didn't understand what I had done until my parents pulled me aside later and explained male anatomy.

TL;DR- I misunderstood a joke about the size of a man's balls. Accidentally insulted an old friend of my dad's who had recently received a promotion.

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