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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by sucker punching my girlfriend and giving her a bloody nose.

This actually happened last night, context I just recently got my own place and my girlfriend occasionally spends the night with me, she normally comes over right after she gets off work at 8 PM but last night she text me saying that she was going to be staying late at work and probably won’t get home until around midnight, I said okay and I that I’d probably be in bed by the time she got there. Well I go to bed because I work early in the morning, I go into a very deep sleep which is something rare for me because I have trouble sleeping due you anxiety that something can happen while I am asleep. Well, in the middle the night I am woken up by someone covering my face and aggressively getting on top of me, I freak out and instinct and adrenaline kick in I start fighting back, I punch them, whoever it was on top of me, square in the face, I heard them hit the ground followed by a cry of pain, I immediately recognized the cry as my girlfriend. I go to help her, she now had a bloody nose and had hit her head on the floor. I immediately started apologizing but she started laughing. She thought it was funny even though she obviously had gotten hurt. We ended the night with getting her cleaned up and cuddling together as we both went to sleep. But now she keeps saying stuff like “what are you going to do? Hit me again?” FML.

TL:DR My girlfriend wanted to have “sexy time” and I punched the fuck out of her thinking she was someone trying to kill me.

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