Skip to main content

TIFU by eating too much dairy for dinner and going to a female friend’s house

Obligatory, this all happened last night and I’m still playing over the events in my head.

I have a slight lactose sensitivity, some times it’s gas or sometimes it’s mild diarrhea, usually not too severe if symptoms present at all.

Anyway, I had a fairly normal dinner of chicken, cheesy potatoes, and some salad. Decided to get some extra potatoes. While I was eating I was talking to a female friend who I’ve known for a few years. I think there’s been some interest between us, but we’ve never really been single at the same time to explore anything. She just moved into a new house and was saying how she wants to watch TV, but her dad is out of town so he hasn’t been able to do it and she’s having problems with getting her internet working properly. I, being handy and tech savvy offer to come over and help do that. I load up some tools and head over.

I hang the tv, get the router setup, even bring some extra cables to make sure everything gets cabled up nice and neat. In the process, I have some gas, but it’s mild and the windows are open and she’s in the other room opening a bottle of wine so it goes unnoticed.

I sit down to check the viewing angle of the tv, make sure everything looks good and she sits down next to me. We talk for a bit as she gets through a few glasses of wine. Next thing I know we are making out. That’s when I start to feel tummy grumblings. The bad kind.

Right as that happens her friend calls her. She answers it, and normally I would be upset, but this time I feel relieved as I have some time to strategize about how I’m going to get out of this. She goes to the other room on the phone so I step by the window to try to let out some more gas, but it’s not working.

She’s comes back in smiling and asks if I mind if she brings her friend over. I say of course, because if this works out this could be a great night. She says “okay, she’s down the street do you mind staying her with the dog while I walk her back?” perfect.

She leaves and I know I have been given a golden opportunity and can’t waste any precious time. I’m immediately on the toilet as soon as the door closes. I’m trying to make sure I don’t need to come back to finish the job. The only problem, the smell. And it’s a small house with only one bathroom. I look febreeze, can’t find any. Candles? Nowhere to be found. What kind of woman doesn’t have candles?? Time is running out and all I can find is some body spray. Not working. I run the shower and close the door trying to steam it out, but I don’t want her to come back with me running the shower like a weirdo. I give it some time and turn the fan on but it’s not working. I decide maybe the best plan is to let it air out and try to stall if anyone heads that way. Not sure why this one is particularly lingering. Maybe nobody will go in there for a while.

She gets back with her friend. She’s cute too. They open another bottle of wine and ask if I want to join them in the bedroom. I of course oblige. We’re all a little tipsy now and making out. Clothes are coming off. The friend says she has to run to the bathroom. I panic, but it’s been almost an hour since I went, it can’t still smell I hope and pray.

As soon as she walks in I hear her gag. She proceeds to throw up. My friend gets up and goes “oh no, she must’ve drank too much”. She goes in to help her friend. The vomit smell must’ve covered the poop smell because she didn’t say anything when she walked in.

She helped get her cleaned up and put her in bed. And that was my cue to go since it seemed like mood for everyone was dead at that point.

TL;DR Ate too much dairy for dinner. Went to help a cute friend. She starts making out with me and goes to pick up her friend to join us. While they’re gone I have bad diarrhea and can’t do anything to get rid of the smell before they get back. While we are in the process of making out again her friend goes to the bathroom and proceeds to throw up which ruins the moment.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU - Don’t do what I did

On Sunday morning Aug. 24th, I awoke to discover a large blind spot in my right eye, which turned out to be what is called wet age-related macular degeneration (AMD). It has resulted in a very significant, permanent loss of vision in that eye. Although I maintain good peripheral vision, whatever I focus on at best is very blurry, and mostly disappears. I can barely make out the large E at the top of the eye chart. If this happens to my left eye I’ll be unable to read or drive. It turns out that I missed the opportunity that I had to prevent this from becoming a serious problem because I failed to report what appeared to be minor changes in my vision. In the weeks prior to August I had noticed that what I knew to be straight lines appeared to my right eye to have a little waviness. I also noticed that the color of my front lawn, which I could see through the window from my recliner,  was subdued, looked almost gray, in my right eye. So I scheduled an eye exam, which revealed the p...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by getting suspended for 2 days by my front office in school.

I (13M) am an African American student at Jeannette junior high who had got suspended for 2 days here. I was in math class minding my business until my teacher had told me to go to the main office, which posed no problem to me. As i went down there, the people of the front office had stopped me and made me get a new ID (yes, we have id's.) so i had asked them if i could maybe do a different alternative and call my mother to let her bring the Id here, even then, the Id isn't that important. So, although i was talking to them in a calm manner and not showing any signs of rebellion, they had threatened to call the police on me without thinking twice before calling my parents. This is where i started getting angry, and even then now the black peers agree that could have been a racially motivated action. They then told me to sit in the office conference room because of that, leading into more anger. They had then called my mother who had came over to the school didn't even let ...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by putting my already skinny jeans in the dryer on high heat.

TL;DR: Was stupid and didn't realize I put my clothes on extra high heat in the dryer. Had to rock skintight skinny jeans all day with tighty whities (only clean pair I had since I procrastinate doing laundry like crazy). I guess the constant wedgies and squishing are punishment for my stupidity. Honestly don’t know who else to blame but myself for this. I’m a scatterbrained guy so I literally put the highest setting on a load with most of my clothes, and my skinny jeans that I was planning to wear today. You can probably already see where this is going, but somehow I didn’t. For context, these jeans were already pushing the limits of what could reasonably be called wearable. They fit, technically, but only in the sense that I could get them on with enough determination and a bit of strategic breathing. Sitting down in them was more of a commitment than a casual action. Still, they looked good, and I had convinced myself that discomfort was just part of the aesthetic. So this m...
Post a Comment
Read more