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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by letting my cat investigate my face

This happened this morning. Also, this might be pretty gross to some, or many. Probably all.

So I woke up this morning and grabbed my phone to scroll Reddit while in bed for a bit before actually getting up. I rolled onto my back, face up, with my neck bent and my phone resting on my chest. Usually when Rosie (the aforementioned cat) hears me moving in the morning she knows she can extort me for pets so she comes-a-runnin. And when I lay on my back she loves to loaf on my chest.

Well I was already scrolling Reddit when she got to me so she plopped down on my chest right behind my phone and started rubbing her head on my hand/phone. I was petting her with my other other hand but she’s a needy cat and clearly that wasn’t enough. So after a minute or two I put my phone down and started petting her with two hands. To her this meant “come closer,” so she crawled closer and started investigating/smelling my face.

I said “good morning” to her and she responded “good meowning” back, as she does. But she’s more interested in smells so she starts sniffing...my eye, then my cheek, then the tip of my nose, then my mouth; she sniffed all over. During the investigation I had to yawn, so I opened my mouth. Before I went full yawn I saw her lean forward to inspect the new level she had unlocked. I didn’t think it problematic, which was my FU.

I then exhaled, and I guess my ripe morning breath was too much to handle because next thing I knew I heard a cat gag and I felt a glob of saliva like substance fall into my mouth and down my chin. Luckily it was not a full vomit, just the amuse-bouche.

I pushed Rosie away as I reflexively rolled to my side with my mouth open and tongue up. Gravity pulled most of it out and I spat out the rest. I left my mouth open as I ran to the bathroom trying to prevent any tastebuds from engaged. I then proceeded to wash my mouth with every technique to which I am familiar, and sheets went in the wash.

Moral: don’t let your cat smell your morning breath from above you.

Tl;dr: I yawed while my cat was was investigating my face and smelling my mouth in bed this morning and she spit up into my mouth.

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