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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by trying on my sister’s and mom’s underpants

I’m pretty sure I’m gonna regret sharing this, but fuck it. Obligatory this didn’t happen today, but when I was a kid.

When I was a kid, maybe ages 6 to 8 or so, I used to sneak in and try on my sister’s clothes and underwear. My mom’s too... but we’ll get there 🤦🏻‍♂️. For what it’s worth, cross dressing is not my fetish and I do not do this as an adult. I DO NOT DO THIS AS AN ADULT! It wasn’t even a fetish as a kid because I was 6 and didn’t know what the fuck a fetish or sex was... I was just a weird ass kid ok? Anyway, I once snuck into my sister’s closet and started trying stuff on. After trying a few things, eventually I got to the main event- a poofy red dress. I tried that bad boy on, but lo and behold, I got fucking stuck. While two years younger than sis, I was bigger than she was, and that shit didn’t fit. Being the super macho 6 year old I was, I immediately started crying. My sister heard me and came to investigate, and despite my best efforts to beg her not to enter the closet, she entered and started laughing her ass off. To her credit, she did try to help free me from the dreaded red dress, but to no avail. She had to go enlist the help of my mother, and my grandmother... MY FUCKING GRANDMOTHER... who was over at the time, and together, with great effort, they freed me from the clutches of the wretched red dress.

Great story right? All over? Little MrFuzzy learned his lesson? Nope! It gets worse...

Fast forward a year or two and I think I’m fucking slick now. I graduated from dresses (those things are a fucking death trap!) and moved on to... my moms lingerie drawer. Yep, we’re going there. At this point I had a system down... wait until I know everyone is gone, sneak an item from the drawer, take it to the bathroom and lock that shit, and enjoy feeling like a sexy bitch for a few minutes. Ok, so that’s probably not what I was actually thinking because I was like 8 and still didn’t know what sex was, but I knew those girls on tv were hot so close enough. Anyway, on the rare occasions that someone got home before I had my fill, I could easily change back, pretend I was using the bathroom, and sneak the item back into the drawer later. Foolproof right? Wrong. What I failed to consider was that I was a disgusting little boy, as most 8 year olds are. So how did they discover me? Skidmarks. Are y’all still with me? Have you died yet? Thrown your phone out the window? My disgusting little 8 year old self apparently couldn’t wipe his ass properly, so I left a nice streak of brown on my moms fucking lingerie bodysuit thing. I still vividly remember the day I was busted...

Mom: MrFuzzy... did you try on my underwear? Me: What?! No!! (How dare she insinuate!) Mom: Are you sure?? Me: ...yeah (panic begins) Mom: presents shit-smeared lingerie Me: (soul leaves body)

FUCK!!!! Caught brown handed!! And the cherry on top of this horrible, horrible fudge sundae, is that my childhood nickname thereafter was....... Poopy 💩

TL;DR 8 year old me took my moms lingerie out for a test drive but I forgot to wipe my ass.

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