TIFU by being that crazy girl who over texts and over shares and goes to a guys house just to say I'm finally gonna do what he ask: leave him alone.

This happened this weekend culminating in today. Throw away because I'm deeply embarrassed but I know i messed up and I need to tell the internet and he's on reddit somewhere.

Back around March or April, I met this guy on a dating app. We really hit it off, talked all the time, had an amazing first date. Second date I somehow ended up having lunch with him and his parents. Third date he asked me to be exclusive. This was all going a little fast so I said no to that. Plus I was confused because after the second date he didn't talk to me as much but after the third, he all but fell off the face of the earth. After the third date, when we got together, he would still mention being exclusive even though he barely spoke to me. I eventually tried to talk to him about it but he said, "I just can't give you what you want right now." After that conversation I ended things.

About a month or so ago, I booty called him, he says it's not a good idea and tries to resist but I convince him. He asks again about getting together, I said maybe, I would think about it. The next day I ask what getting together would look like and he says, "I don't know but I don't think I can't give you what you want right now. I need to focus on me." So we don't speak for a while.

A week or so later, he starts calling me at 1am or later on the weekends. That turned into us getting together a couple weekends in a row for what I would say felt like date nights which consisted of movies, pizza, beer, and sex. Cut to him asking again to be in a relationship because he's doing better and me saying, "a tentative yes, because you always change your mind." And guess what happens?! He changed his mind, only difference is he asked to come back the next Saturday.

During those Saturday nights, he would go on saying all these really nice things. Like how right it felt when we were together, or how good it felt to dance with me, or how great I am, or how he loves that we have such great conversations, he's really opening up and sharing with me like I had asked in the past. Can you blame a girl for developing some real feelings?? I even went to his sporting event to show my support.

One Sunday morning, I asked if he wanted to do something with me next Saturday. My plan was to take him out and end the night with asking him to be my boyfriend. With how the things had been going, I felt like this is where we were at. He said, "yeah, maybe, I think so." Just from his tone I knew it wouldn't happen.

Here's where the fuck up begins: In the middle of the week I invite him out for trivia, I knew he's been struggling with a lot lately and I thought it would be fun. He doesn't answer my invite. The next day I text him giving him a rundown of what I had in mind for that Saturday, to which is says, "I don't think I'll be very good company this weekend." I really want to see him so I make alternative plans as an option but he doesn't answer. I confess about my whole plan about asking him to be my boyfriend and again he says, "I can't give me what I want right now, which is effort. I need to focus on me right now." He tells me some of his mental health struggle to explain why. The sharing of information I take as he does like me and he needs my help!

Here's where the fuck up goes into overdrive! I really care about this guy and I just want him to know I'm here for him and I want to help, so I text him. A lot. I share a song with him that make me think about him. I'm thinking, I'm reaching out to let him know I care! I would have killed for someone to do this for me last year when I was struggling.

Saturday, I take it upon myself to try to seduce him to my house, that doesn't work. Sunday, I go to his game, even though he didn't invite me or tell me what time it was at. I strategically park behind him so i could wait by his car afterwards to talk to him. We briefly talk but he's obviously trying to brush me off but I'm thinking I'm showing how much I care and he's just scared.

That night I think about how it was a complete mistake to go to that game. But, I think, he just doesn't get it. He really doesn't understand how I'm feeling or why I'm doing this. Ya know what?! I'll write him a letter and leave it on his car! I'll write it all down and after that he'll see how I'm falling for him and I just want to help! So that's what I do because I'm an idiot! I woke up extra early, put that letter in a plastic bag because it was raining and left that letter like a crazy woman. I even had a 2nd part to the letter which was a card filled with lyrics that made me think of him. I filled the whole damn card in a spiral of words and each lyric was in a different color so you could tell when one ended and another began. Thankfully, at the last minute I decided that was too much and left it at home

While at work I think about how the letter was a big mistake, so I text him saying that was dumb and I'll leave him alone. Had I been smart and sane, I would have stopped there, but no that's not enough for me because I really want to fuck this up. I left work early to go to his house and tell him to his face that I will give him the space he's been asking for but he can't contact me because I can't do the flip flopping anymore. I can't hear him say he want to be with me one day and change his mind the next.

I mean what was I thinking?!? Going to his house!? The fuck is wrong with me?? He should tell all his friend I'm crazy because that shit is insane! I don't know why I couldn't just let it go and leave it at the text or take the hint that he's not interested/needs to take care of himself. For someone who claims to be compassionate and understanding of mental health needs, I really missed the ball on this one.

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TL:DR; I misread and totally misunderstood a potential love interests mental health needs. I constantly texted, went to his game uninvited, wrote him a letter basically saying I was in love with him, and then went to his house apologizing for the letter and said I would finally be doing exactly what he asked: leaving him alone.