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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by eating my toenails

Okay some backstory; for whatever reason, I HATE cutting my toenails.

I have traumatic memories of my parents holding me down while I squirm around like a seal covered in oil, almost crying because I simply refuse them to cut my toenails. They gave up and let me become the goblin I was inside all the time.

Fast forward and this resulted in a semi functioning adult who, instead of cutting her nails, rips them off when they get too long. (yes, it's gross but now as gross at it sounds.. but I'm starting to doubt it now)

I usually do this on the couch, watching netflix or whatever is interesting enough to kinda keep my attention. I also have breakfast on the couch, and my bright red breakfast plate was the perfect victim to carrying my fallen toe "clippings".

I didn't think much about it, I've done this for years, but here's when I fucked up; I decided to have another sandwich. When it was done, I sat down and started eating until.. I felt something hard, almost crunchy, with a small aftertaste of dirt... And then my brain connected the dots – I just consumed about 6 toes worth of toenails and I'm currently reevaluating my life and might go get a nail-clipper some day soon.

​

TL;DR: Accidentally made (and ate) a toenail sandwich because I'm a goblin sub human.

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