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TIFU by not noticing my kitten quit using her litterbox and losing all my dildos

Yes, it happened today.

My kitten is living in our master bedroom and comes out for supervised play with our bigger cat, but he is too aggressive with her, so I spend a lot of time with her in the large master bedroom area. She is still pretty small and can't fight back yet.

A few nights ago, while I was out of town for work, my husband fed her tuna for the first time and she loved it. Ate an assload. Then later, around 3am, he heard a farting sound - she sprayed an assload of loose shit under the bed. He did his best to clean it in his deliriously tired state and when I came back home, there was no smell so I assumed the issue was solved.

We then entered the worst heat wave my state has ever seen and just spent 2 days sweltering and biding our time, waiting for cooler weather.

Occasionally, I would catch a little whiff of poo. Nothing bad, just made me think she had a little poop on her butt or something. But every time I checked, her butt was clean. I then thought to myself, "Oh, it must be the litter box." No big deal, they sometimes give off a whiff of poo smell.

When I went to scoop the poop - a daily occurrence in all 3 of our litter boxes - I found that there wasn't much to scoop. "Aww," I thought, "my husband must have already taken care of this, what a guy!" I was so pleased with his extra effort!!

Now, cat owners know that if a cat eliminates in an inappropriate area, you need to bust ass to get the poo/pee smell out or they will begin to see it as a toilet and keep coming back. Well, her accidental shit that was not fully cleaned probably triggered the next events.

Here's where my true suffering begins. I caught a strong whiff of poo today and decided to look under the bed. Oh god, you guys, there were 5 piles of shit, one had been wet and now dried out and fused with the carpet, and there was piss on the carpet, too. Flecks of poo from the original diarrhea tuna shart spread over a 12 inch radius on the wall. I opened the under-bed storage drawers where my modest dildo collection lives alongside my sex swing and other little fun stuff. She had shit and pissed all up in the dish towels I used to keep the dust off my artificial dongs. My dildos all reeked of cat piss and my collection was hurriedly bagged and taken out to the trash - save for two bad dragon dildos and my glass dildo from my trip to Amsterdam since they are for sure non-porous and can be sterilized aggressively (and were expensive). My under-bed drawers were particle board on the bottom so they are fucked, too.

I put the salvage dildos in the dishwasher and got to scrubbing the carpet aggressively, too.

When the kitten is bigger, we will be tearing the carpet out and then our house will finally be carpet free and safe from kitty accidents... RIP my sex toys.

I promise I am not some gross person living in a cat piss house. I think the 110+ temps dried out the dookies quickly so their smell didn't linger.

Tl;dr - kitten had a spray diarrhea accident under the bed that wasn't fully cleaned up despite a good effort. This triggered her to piss and shit under the bed for several days but the heat dried out the shit and mostly hid the smell. Sex toy collection was stored under the bed and my sweet innocent kitten pissed and shat upon all of it. I had to throw away most of my dildos. I am sad.

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