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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by finding one of my girlfriend's hairs.

This actually did happen today, about an hour ago. So my girlfriend has long brown hair and I've gotten used to finding them everywhere. In the shower, in the sink, in my bed, in my truck, in my ass crack, etc.

Well this morning I was heading out to grab some breakfast and I'm wearing my lazy shorts and no undies, and as I'm walking out the door I feel something feeling like a caught hair in my nether region. No biggie, happens all the time, just reach in and pull it out.

Well the stars aligned in a pretty malicious way and this hair was I guess wrapped in a figure 8 around both my frank and beans, crossing over in the area between. When I pulled, this abnormally resilient hair squeezed my balls a bit, which hurt but was nothing compared to what the intersection on the bottom of the base of my dick did. I now have a very painful "paper cut" at the bottom of the base of my dick and it nearly made me throw up when looking at it. Not particularly gruesome, but very unsettling by nature.

TL;DR: I carelessly pulled one of my girlfriends hairs out of my crotch and cut the underside of my dick.

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