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TIFU by not kissing him

TIFU by not kissing him

Well it was yesterday not today, but he went to kiss me and i didnt let him.

Okay so some background, we met online and started talking, everyday and I feel comfortable talking to him about almost anything. We have been talking for five months, everyday and we have met one time in person before and it was great.

But Im an shy person when it comes to meeting people so it took a while for me to be comfortable with him. And we didnt have that much time together (some extra information idk if it is relevant but we dont live close), so didnt get much time to talk to him in person.

We message a few times about plans and things that we need to do together which always brings a smile to face to know that he thinks of me.

We met again in person yesterday and spend more time together talking, getting to know each other more. It was getting kinda cold outside so we got closer and ended up holding hand and hugging well more like his arms were around me.

And I sort of had a feeling that he was going to kiss me as he moved my hair out the way and put his head on my shoulder. (Okay so Ive read and seen quite a few romance stories to know a little about this sort of stuff).

But you should probably know that Ive never been in that kind of situation like relations or dating. Ive never kissed anyone so that would have been my first kiss. Ahhh imagine that.

So he took my chin and went in for it, and I just looked down so he couldnt. And I dont know why I just didnt kiss him … urghhh.

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I dont know what stopped me from kissing him maybe it was my parents voice in my head, replaying everything they have told me while growing up about my future boyfriend having to be this, this and that. Or maybe it was my own insecurities about being vulnerable and letting someone know me like really knowing the true me and giving them the opportunity to walk away.

Me not being good enough, not wanting him to see all my baggage. Me being extremely nervous about anything related to anything intimate like kissing. Like what if im bad, I dont even know how to kiss. I dont know what its like to like someone. Silly I know.

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And now I think he is upset with me or it seem like I hurt him. Its been all I can think about ever since, like why didnt I just kiss him whats the worst that could have happened? But maybe that me being selfish idk.

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Maybe its better this way that I didnt because he deserves someone amazing and im not her. He is truly an amazing guy who is so kind, sweet and funny at times which is exactly why he needs someone amazing.

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Sorry if that was long or not the right place or if anything doesnt make sense. Any advice or anything is much appreciated. And if he ever some how comes across this, Im sorry.

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TL;DR didnt kiss him, he is probably one of me closest friends and now all I can think about is why I didnt and Im scared that it messed up the friendship or whatever this is

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