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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by getting what I asked for.

My friend's account. I (53, M) am one of those people who has fear of intimacy. I never let people get close to me because frankly I have no experience with reliable love. I don't know how to handle it and am mortified by the thought of it one day collapsing and leaving me feeling betrayed and abandoned. That is, before my current 20 year relationship. Because I never sought help, my insecurities have grown along with our love. I constantly push and test love, to prove it isn't real. Inevitably I did push my true love away, and am faced with starting over or going forward alone. There is a 3rd option. I could just skip the coming years of heartache and loneliness. At my age, it's not probable to expect such a deep connection ever again. Thats just me, all you people of a similar age. No offense. Also, having never been treated for my issues, they would surely repeat their cycle. In the time it would take to detangle my mess now, geez... I'd be in my golden years anyway. Thats my truth. I've had an ok run, and lots to be grateful for. None of that is lost on me. I have no kids, or people remaining to mourn my absence. I am only one bad day from finding the courage to just stop, and would still consider it all a pretty full life. Until then, my question is this: how wrong do you all think it is, from an agnostic perspective, to choose one's own time to go? Sorry to all the TL;DR. Cheers.

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