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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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Tifu by playfully shoving my wife and losing a chunk of my toe on the clapback.

Obligatory this happened last night. I'm airing out the wound and changing bandages today.

My wife (27F) and I, (29M) went out last night for dinner and drinks. It'd been a long week and we've been raising a new rescue puppy and we needed some time outside the house without the new dog (who we've taken everywhere with us to get him socialized).

Long story short, we kennel the puppy, feed the cat then walk downtown and eat Cajun food and listen to some music at a bar. Fun night all around.

After the band finished, we paid our tab and began our drunken walk home (we weren't trashed, but were feeling good and a bit more than buzzed).

So a little background, my wife and I engage in a little playful rough-housing on occasion. We're similar weight and I'm not much stronger than her so usually pretty evenly matched if we one of us gives a playful shove and we engage in a little playful wrestling.

We're walking down the sidewalk a block or two from home doing Borat impressions and laughing when I give her a playful little shoulder check. She stumbles a little and we both laugh and then it's clearly on. She's a couple steps behind me due to the stumble, so has a little room to work up some speed. I see she's going for it and then see that I'm between her and a a waist high spiked wooded fence that I'm about to get checked into by a 5'9" 170lb grown ass woman who wrestles animals for her job. I realize my mistake in picking this location to start a shoulder/hip bumping contest and have only a split second to prepare myself before I'm blasted by this busty projectile with a low center of gravity. My life flashes before my eyes as I taco over this spiky wooden bastard which has no business being on our bar-to-home walking route. Luckily during my drunken stumble I'm able to get my hands under me and break my fall onto this public hazard. During the fall I also jam my toe underneath the fence. This turns out to be more significant than I immediately realize.

I pull myself off the fence and we have a laugh as we keep walk the last block home. My toe hurts from what I think was a bad stub, so I'm limping a bit. As we turn the corner to the alley to go in the back way to our home, I become aware that my flip flop is warm and sticky. I tell my wife I think I hurt my foot and don't want to walk through the weeds in back. She blows it off and tells me we'll look at it at home or something and I don't argue because now I just want to get inside to look at my foot.

I limp through the backyard weeds and we go inside. The wife takes the puppy out for a potty break while I sit on the couch and assess my damage. My little toe is a fuckin mess and my flip flop is a bloody sponge. The useless little toe is dripping with blood and has chunks of skin and nail poking out at weird angles. I'm disgusted and worried, but not enough to not tease the wife about ignoring my booboo.

So the night ends with me in the bathtub biting a pencil while reading aloud from a book to distract myself while the wife clears the dangling remnants of skin and nail from the toe and cleans the wound.

TLDR: Wife and I drunkenly shoving each other walking home ends with my losing a chunk of my little toe when I stumble and jam my flip-flopped foot under a fence slat.

Edit: here's the pic https://www.reddit.com/user/xXMadSmacksXx83/comments/pdhm9o/lost_a_chunk_of_my_toe_yesterday_the_wife_had_to/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

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