Skip to main content

Tifu by playfully shoving my wife and losing a chunk of my toe on the clapback.

Obligatory this happened last night. I'm airing out the wound and changing bandages today.

My wife (27F) and I, (29M) went out last night for dinner and drinks. It'd been a long week and we've been raising a new rescue puppy and we needed some time outside the house without the new dog (who we've taken everywhere with us to get him socialized).

Long story short, we kennel the puppy, feed the cat then walk downtown and eat Cajun food and listen to some music at a bar. Fun night all around.

After the band finished, we paid our tab and began our drunken walk home (we weren't trashed, but were feeling good and a bit more than buzzed).

So a little background, my wife and I engage in a little playful rough-housing on occasion. We're similar weight and I'm not much stronger than her so usually pretty evenly matched if we one of us gives a playful shove and we engage in a little playful wrestling.

We're walking down the sidewalk a block or two from home doing Borat impressions and laughing when I give her a playful little shoulder check. She stumbles a little and we both laugh and then it's clearly on. She's a couple steps behind me due to the stumble, so has a little room to work up some speed. I see she's going for it and then see that I'm between her and a a waist high spiked wooded fence that I'm about to get checked into by a 5'9" 170lb grown ass woman who wrestles animals for her job. I realize my mistake in picking this location to start a shoulder/hip bumping contest and have only a split second to prepare myself before I'm blasted by this busty projectile with a low center of gravity. My life flashes before my eyes as I taco over this spiky wooden bastard which has no business being on our bar-to-home walking route. Luckily during my drunken stumble I'm able to get my hands under me and break my fall onto this public hazard. During the fall I also jam my toe underneath the fence. This turns out to be more significant than I immediately realize.

I pull myself off the fence and we have a laugh as we keep walk the last block home. My toe hurts from what I think was a bad stub, so I'm limping a bit. As we turn the corner to the alley to go in the back way to our home, I become aware that my flip flop is warm and sticky. I tell my wife I think I hurt my foot and don't want to walk through the weeds in back. She blows it off and tells me we'll look at it at home or something and I don't argue because now I just want to get inside to look at my foot.

I limp through the backyard weeds and we go inside. The wife takes the puppy out for a potty break while I sit on the couch and assess my damage. My little toe is a fuckin mess and my flip flop is a bloody sponge. The useless little toe is dripping with blood and has chunks of skin and nail poking out at weird angles. I'm disgusted and worried, but not enough to not tease the wife about ignoring my booboo.

So the night ends with me in the bathtub biting a pencil while reading aloud from a book to distract myself while the wife clears the dangling remnants of skin and nail from the toe and cleans the wound.

TLDR: Wife and I drunkenly shoving each other walking home ends with my losing a chunk of my little toe when I stumble and jam my flip-flopped foot under a fence slat.

Edit: here's the pic https://www.reddit.com/user/xXMadSmacksXx83/comments/pdhm9o/lost_a_chunk_of_my_toe_yesterday_the_wife_had_to/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU - Don’t do what I did

On Sunday morning Aug. 24th, I awoke to discover a large blind spot in my right eye, which turned out to be what is called wet age-related macular degeneration (AMD). It has resulted in a very significant, permanent loss of vision in that eye. Although I maintain good peripheral vision, whatever I focus on at best is very blurry, and mostly disappears. I can barely make out the large E at the top of the eye chart. If this happens to my left eye I’ll be unable to read or drive. It turns out that I missed the opportunity that I had to prevent this from becoming a serious problem because I failed to report what appeared to be minor changes in my vision. In the weeks prior to August I had noticed that what I knew to be straight lines appeared to my right eye to have a little waviness. I also noticed that the color of my front lawn, which I could see through the window from my recliner,  was subdued, looked almost gray, in my right eye. So I scheduled an eye exam, which revealed the p...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by getting suspended for 2 days by my front office in school.

I (13M) am an African American student at Jeannette junior high who had got suspended for 2 days here. I was in math class minding my business until my teacher had told me to go to the main office, which posed no problem to me. As i went down there, the people of the front office had stopped me and made me get a new ID (yes, we have id's.) so i had asked them if i could maybe do a different alternative and call my mother to let her bring the Id here, even then, the Id isn't that important. So, although i was talking to them in a calm manner and not showing any signs of rebellion, they had threatened to call the police on me without thinking twice before calling my parents. This is where i started getting angry, and even then now the black peers agree that could have been a racially motivated action. They then told me to sit in the office conference room because of that, leading into more anger. They had then called my mother who had came over to the school didn't even let ...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by putting my already skinny jeans in the dryer on high heat.

TL;DR: Was stupid and didn't realize I put my clothes on extra high heat in the dryer. Had to rock skintight skinny jeans all day with tighty whities (only clean pair I had since I procrastinate doing laundry like crazy). I guess the constant wedgies and squishing are punishment for my stupidity. Honestly don’t know who else to blame but myself for this. I’m a scatterbrained guy so I literally put the highest setting on a load with most of my clothes, and my skinny jeans that I was planning to wear today. You can probably already see where this is going, but somehow I didn’t. For context, these jeans were already pushing the limits of what could reasonably be called wearable. They fit, technically, but only in the sense that I could get them on with enough determination and a bit of strategic breathing. Sitting down in them was more of a commitment than a casual action. Still, they looked good, and I had convinced myself that discomfort was just part of the aesthetic. So this m...
Post a Comment
Read more