Skip to main content

TIFUpate: allowing my coworker to set me up

Post a Comment

TIFU by playing ridiculously sexual music for our 7-year-old girl.

TLDR at the bottom.

Happened today. Holy fuck my wife is pissed at me... and we are now trying to explain porn words to our 7-year-old daughter.

Me: “I just worked out on our elliptical machine. I’m gonna take a shower.”

My wife: ”We (her and our 7-year-old daughter) are headed to the grocery store to get food for the next week.”

So, I head into the bathroom, start the shower, power up my Bluetooth speaker, fire up my app for electronic tunes, get the music cranking extremely loud and hit play. The app was set for the ‘Breaks’ channel and I didn’t think anything about it. If you don’t know, the Breaks electronic music genre can be very dirty/pornographic… tons of very sexual talk. It’s great, but it is definitely not for kids.

Well, my wife’s car would not start. They never left our fucking house. So, I stepped out of the shower with a towel and looked to my left… just as some dude was literally singing ‘Pushing my dick down bitches throats’… and there was my 7-year-old daughter, right there in our master bedroom, having a dance party to this full-on-porno/stripper music with her small army of stuffed animals on our bed. This was going on for… 10… minutes?? I was stunned. Then I immediately looked to my right to see my wife goose-stepping down the hallway at me, at full-wife speed, with open-up palms, mouth-saying “WHAT THE FUCK????” Not good.

TLDR: I played ridiculously sexually explicit music and my daughter had a dance party to it with her army of stuffed animals.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU almost so bad by not unlogging from this Reddit account

I use this Reddit account to mod r/hearhimfuck , watch my porn and answer NSFWAMA when I feel like it. I religiously log off completely after every time because I don't want my partner or anyone knowing about this account. It's the holidays and we are all busy so I had a quick session with myself and ran to get a shower and leave for another family Christmas dinner. My phone stayed in my purse the whole evening. By the end there's 6 of us left and we're sitting in the living room, having mellow conversation. Pets are discussed and photos shown. Someone asks about my dogs so I go fetch my phone and sit back on the couch. As soon as I unlock it, there's a full blown ANAL clip playing. Fortunately, the sound was off. I manage to turn the sound all the way down and shut the app without anyone seeing. TLDR; Iwas THIS close from having hardcore porn blasting surrounded by my parents, my partner, an aunt and a two cousins. I can't imagine the aftermath of what could...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by fucking my coworker

Happened a couple of days ago, but yeah, as the title says... Oops... We've worked together for about a year now; we've always been friendly, but I never really clocked her as a potential romantic option; she's my coworker, she had a boyfriend when we started working together, and to be honest I just thought she was completely out of my league: I'm a schlub and she is gorgeous So when she texts me asking if we want to hang out after work, I genuinely thought nothing untoward would happen; I thought we were just going to chill and watch cartoons; and for a while we were just having a nice platonic hangout. But we got very drunk, and eventually she was giving me the bedroom eyes and saying we should make out. I very emphatically said that was a bad idea, but she kissed me anyway, and at that point I really lost any semblance of self-restraint.. I am not proud of myself, at all. I can tell myself that she came onto me, but ultimately I also comepletly let it happen. No...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by shopping on Amazon

So I have an Amazon account, and a family. Anyhow, the person I'm seeing likes to do things with me... try new things if you know what I mean 😏 Recently I've ordered a few packages with adult toys, swing, etc. And... clone a willy. It came in yesterday while I was out. While I was out I got a notification that the cloning kit came in. I sent my son a text asking him to bring my Amazon package in. He said he had already. I didn't think much of it. Until last night when I went to go... use it. I asked my son where the package was on my way out the door. He asked "The plant stand or the cloning kit?". Mind you, the boxes DO NOT say what the contents are, nor were they opened. He must have realized what he said because my face is a goddam story book. I just stood there silent and shocked. He pointed towards the closet. This has been going on for ages, but he has NEVER indicated knowing what's in the packages. So now my teenage son knows his mom is a freak. ...
Post a Comment
Read more