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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by playing ridiculously sexual music for our 7-year-old girl.

TLDR at the bottom.

Happened today. Holy fuck my wife is pissed at me... and we are now trying to explain porn words to our 7-year-old daughter.

Me: “I just worked out on our elliptical machine. I’m gonna take a shower.”

My wife: ”We (her and our 7-year-old daughter) are headed to the grocery store to get food for the next week.”

So, I head into the bathroom, start the shower, power up my Bluetooth speaker, fire up my app for electronic tunes, get the music cranking extremely loud and hit play. The app was set for the ‘Breaks’ channel and I didn’t think anything about it. If you don’t know, the Breaks electronic music genre can be very dirty/pornographic… tons of very sexual talk. It’s great, but it is definitely not for kids.

Well, my wife’s car would not start. They never left our fucking house. So, I stepped out of the shower with a towel and looked to my left… just as some dude was literally singing ‘Pushing my dick down bitches throats’… and there was my 7-year-old daughter, right there in our master bedroom, having a dance party to this full-on-porno/stripper music with her small army of stuffed animals on our bed. This was going on for… 10… minutes?? I was stunned. Then I immediately looked to my right to see my wife goose-stepping down the hallway at me, at full-wife speed, with open-up palms, mouth-saying “WHAT THE FUCK????” Not good.

TLDR: I played ridiculously sexually explicit music and my daughter had a dance party to it with her army of stuffed animals.

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