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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU* by seriously overreacting to a sign and threatening to beat some ass

I am strongly irreligious. When my tween daughter decided to join a teen church group, I was cautious but wanted her to figure out religion for herself. So weeks followed with her midweek and Sunday trips to the church with her church pals. She often came home with questions and I did my best to talk with her and allow her to find her own conclusions about the bible and other messages this church was teaching. When the church inevitably started preaching against "gay marriage", she had a right little conundrum. Now, while I have taught inclusion and expect her to respect inclusion, I needed her to to confront inequality on her own terms. So we had a few open discussions about it. We all know what happens when you force a young person to accept what you say without allowing them to process their own thoughts and feelings. Honestly, if (at this point in her life) her only rebellion is going to church, I could hardly complain. Also, I trusted her to maintain her integrity.

During this time, I had some strong words with the 30 year old "frat boys" renting a house across the street. They partied on any given night during the week which kept us up on work and school nights. I'm down with a party on a Friday or Saturday night, but a party every other night during the week was too much.

One Tuesday night, after being frustrated with the party boys the night before, I was awoken by pounding right outside my bedroom window. Now, I had just finished putting in a lawn and sprinkler system. Needless to say I didn't feel too happy by being woken up at 3a or having someone messing with my hard work.

I KNEW it was the jerks across the street. I hopped out of bed and ran out the front door yelling "What in the hell do you motherfuckers think you are doing? Where the fuck do you get off destroying my property, you stupid assholes! I'll fucking beat your asses!". They ran right off, but that wasn't good enough. I chased them down the street hurling every god damned foul word I could think of. I was in it to win it. I was ball to the wall. I was crazy woman. I. Was. Rabid.

Well, they got in a car and sped off.

I turned around and trotted home to find my husband laughing at the sign they had pounded into my yard. "Welcome to Teen Church Group <my daughter's name>!"

So yeah. My daughter aged out of the tween group and this sign was welcoming her to her first day in the teen group and her first church camping trip. So yeah, dropping her off and signing her in a few hours later was...not comfortable.

For follow up; she couldn't reconcile her inclusive beliefs with the church and peaced out a few months after the camping trip. And I believe they quit pounding signs into yards to welcome new teens.

tl;dr: I mistook church kids for vandals and slung the most profanities I have ever slung in my lifetime, scaring them (and their parents) off in the night.

*obvs not a TIFU and more like a before reddit was a thing, I fucked up hard.

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