Skip to main content

TIFU by having buttsex with my ex-gf. Then I FU again by making a joke after.

Ok, ok. So she wasn't my ex at the time. This happened many moons ago.

Butt-stuff was not uncommon in our relationship. In fact, once she discovered her love for backdoor romance, she almost never came until she had something in her butt.

One day we were getting into it and decided to go for some full-on buttsex. Not the first time, but our assplay was usually fingers or a small toy.

So there I am gently doing the thing. She's face down and playing with her hoo-ha. She reaches her promised land and I'm ready to reach mine. I finish inside her and collapse on top of her. It was romantic and sexy. Just two sweaty lovers in a state of post-orgasmic bliss. I'm still buried to the hilt. I start losing wood and know it's time to slide out and clean up.

I gently pull my member out and realize that I've got poopdick. No.. not just a little smear of poo on my wang, but actual poop caked into my pubes and on my dong. We panic. She's a mess, both figuratively and literally. We grab whatever textiles we could find to wipe the majority off and head to the shower. She tells me, "we will never speak of this again". I agreed.

So we finish up the shower and head into our room to watch a movie. She's clearly traumatized. I, somehow, seem to care way less than I should. So I try to lighten the mood with a joke.

"Well, I really fucked the shit out of you, huh?"

Anyways, that was the last time I got full-on buttsex from her.

TL;DR Fucked my ex in the butt and got covered in poop then made a really bad joke in an attempt to ease the trauma we'd just been through.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU - Don’t do what I did

On Sunday morning Aug. 24th, I awoke to discover a large blind spot in my right eye, which turned out to be what is called wet age-related macular degeneration (AMD). It has resulted in a very significant, permanent loss of vision in that eye. Although I maintain good peripheral vision, whatever I focus on at best is very blurry, and mostly disappears. I can barely make out the large E at the top of the eye chart. If this happens to my left eye I’ll be unable to read or drive. It turns out that I missed the opportunity that I had to prevent this from becoming a serious problem because I failed to report what appeared to be minor changes in my vision. In the weeks prior to August I had noticed that what I knew to be straight lines appeared to my right eye to have a little waviness. I also noticed that the color of my front lawn, which I could see through the window from my recliner,  was subdued, looked almost gray, in my right eye. So I scheduled an eye exam, which revealed the p...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by getting suspended for 2 days by my front office in school.

I (13M) am an African American student at Jeannette junior high who had got suspended for 2 days here. I was in math class minding my business until my teacher had told me to go to the main office, which posed no problem to me. As i went down there, the people of the front office had stopped me and made me get a new ID (yes, we have id's.) so i had asked them if i could maybe do a different alternative and call my mother to let her bring the Id here, even then, the Id isn't that important. So, although i was talking to them in a calm manner and not showing any signs of rebellion, they had threatened to call the police on me without thinking twice before calling my parents. This is where i started getting angry, and even then now the black peers agree that could have been a racially motivated action. They then told me to sit in the office conference room because of that, leading into more anger. They had then called my mother who had came over to the school didn't even let ...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by putting my already skinny jeans in the dryer on high heat.

TL;DR: Was stupid and didn't realize I put my clothes on extra high heat in the dryer. Had to rock skintight skinny jeans all day with tighty whities (only clean pair I had since I procrastinate doing laundry like crazy). I guess the constant wedgies and squishing are punishment for my stupidity. Honestly don’t know who else to blame but myself for this. I’m a scatterbrained guy so I literally put the highest setting on a load with most of my clothes, and my skinny jeans that I was planning to wear today. You can probably already see where this is going, but somehow I didn’t. For context, these jeans were already pushing the limits of what could reasonably be called wearable. They fit, technically, but only in the sense that I could get them on with enough determination and a bit of strategic breathing. Sitting down in them was more of a commitment than a casual action. Still, they looked good, and I had convinced myself that discomfort was just part of the aesthetic. So this m...
Post a Comment
Read more